When do you get your evenings back?

[exhausted89]

My DS is 10 weeks old. He’s usually a good sleeper at night, either waking for just one feed between 11pm and 6am or sleeping through entirely.

The problem is, I can’t get him to sleep in his cot during the evenings (7pm to 11pm). He will sleep, but only in the sling with me or DH.

Can anyone suggest how I can get him to sleep in his cot for those four hours? I love DS to bits but am feeling so exhausted and am struggling with having so little time to myself.

Also, is it realistic to hope for my evenings back at this early age?

You probably aren't going to have time to yourself, but see if you can go to bed early and give the baby to DH until 11pm to tackle the exhaustion.

You don’t!
Sorry that be the bearer of bad news!

Never. I have a 6 year old and 12 year old and they can stay up later than me. Honestly by the time I get them to bed when they are at school l, get some housework done, I'm ready for my bed. During lockdown they are staying up until the same time as us! The 12 year old is a nightmare. Doesn't like to be the only one left awake so continuously comes to check and make sure we are still up. If we're not he wakes me up.

Oh mate, I was coming on to post that now we finally reliably get our evenings to ourselves now that the youngest is...3 years old! I feel bad saying that now that I see your wee one is only 10 weeks old! But they genuinely are all different, it really is how long is a piece of string.

6-7 months for both of mine. Until then they were downstairs with us in the evenings. Ds would sometimes go into his moses basket in the living room, dd needed to be held.

@Artesia

#eyes 3 children milling around and laughs a hollow laugh .....

Lol, that made me laugh!

So there’s basically no point even trying to get DS down in his cot for a long while yet then? To be honest I’m feeling quite despairing reading some of these replies!

What rot, how is it helpful to say "never." Of course you do. Even if DC stay up, they have two parents.

For me, before a year old, the issue wasn't that I didn't have any evenings it was that I had nothing to do in them - a spontaneous night out with DH is a thing of the past and we had to develop independent social lives. I've been to running club at 2 nights a week since DC were very small and he is an adult instructor with Cadets the other nights. I did a degree between DS1 being c. 9mo and turning 4 because I had so much spare time in the evenings.

My daughter slept on me for all her naps, and evenings until she was 6 months. She slept, so I was free to watch TV etc.

My baby is 16 weeks. She is normally down at 9pm which means I still get an hour or two for myself before going to bed.
Think we are currently in the throws of the 4 month sleep regression though as she has gone from 1-2 wakes a night to 5-6 in the last week. She does sleep until 9am though so not an early riser!
Tonight, she went down at 8pm as she had her jabs today and couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. Might try to stick to 8pm to give me an extra hour and maybe she will wake up an hour earlier.

Sorry posted too soon, she was up and down in the evenings until around 18 months but now largely sleeps through.

@Harrykanesrightsock

Briefly from 7 to 13 years then they’re generally up later than you

So true, so unfortunately if you have more than one child you probably have to wait until they leave home!

Might were about 4-6 months when they started having a bedtime at 7ish.

Though the ones that slept 11-7 as tiny babies stopped doing that at 4 months...

They’re all different, it seems! 10-12 weeks was the age ours started to accept being in his cot for that 7-10pm slot, provided I lay with him til he dropped off I could then sneak out.
He kept night feeds and of course random wakings til much older, still wakes sometimes at 3, but he’s been fine in his own cot / bed ever since.

Persevere. We were firm - no babies in our room, and sleep in own cots. My son was very good, only a handful of tricky nights. My daughter had reflux but it didn't change what I did. Bath, story, feed down while still awake, lights out me gone by 7.30-45. If she cried straight back in, DO NOT PICK UP, stroked her, soothing quiet voice, then gone. Repeat repeat repeat. She got it eventually (by three months I hardly ever had to go back in). I never let them cry for more than a couple minutes, I never took them in my bed, I tried to put them down while still awake. I also woke them from a nap during the day of it was more than a couple hours.
Some may think it's strict but I had my evenings with my husband and very few sleepless nights.

Both of mine I put to bed (i.e their cot upstairs) with video monitor from 7pm at around 6 weeks. I was lucky they didn’t have fussy evening periods although obviously they still had night feeds usually 2/3 Times a night. I preferred having my evening and doing a night feed than a later bedtime personally!

My lg is almost 5 months and we consider ourselves really lucky. Bath and bed starts at 7 and she's usually asleep by 730, occasionally 8. We dream feed around 11 and most nights she sleeps till 6am, awake for 30 mins and then back down till 9. We found introducing a bath really helped. When we go back into the bedroom blinds are down and white noise on. Good luck

I've got two children and my kids are in bed for 7. They are age 3 and 1. Got my evenings sporadically back from 4 months with each, reliably back (as in could guarantee they'd go to bed) from 8 months.

My 8 yr old is still awake now and we're lucky if he falls asleep before 10pm every night.

Those who have their evenings back...what do you do? I've forgotten.

I think around 4 months she started sleeping in our bedroom and that leaves us with a free evening. She doesn't wake up that much now, which is a blessing.

Good luck!

Dd is 7 and we still don't have our evenings back!

@Hall84 how did you achieve that? The couple of times I’ve tried to put DS in his cot at 7ish he just won’t have it! I do bath him beforehand too

@UltimateWednesday

What rot, how is it helpful to say "never." Of course you do. Even if DC stay up, they have two parents.

For me, before a year old, the issue wasn't that I didn't have any evenings it was that I had nothing to do in them - a spontaneous night out with DH is a thing of the past and we had to develop independent social lives. I've been to running club at 2 nights a week since DC were very small and he is an adult instructor with Cadets the other nights. I did a degree between DS1 being c. 9mo and turning 4 because I had so much spare time in the evenings.

So what do single parents do?

From 6 months asleep at 7. No sleep training.

Genetically good sleeper I'm sure but also I followed the Lucy Wolfe sleep book. Found that actually at that point it was too distracting to be around us in the eve and she needed to go into the cot in her room. Don't be a martyr; gently encourage good sleep habits and acknowledge that you need time for yourself to be a good mother (10 weeks probably a little too early though!)