When do you get your evenings back?

[exhausted89]

My DS is 10 weeks old. He’s usually a good sleeper at night, either waking for just one feed between 11pm and 6am or sleeping through entirely.

The problem is, I can’t get him to sleep in his cot during the evenings (7pm to 11pm). He will sleep, but only in the sling with me or DH.

Can anyone suggest how I can get him to sleep in his cot for those four hours? I love DS to bits but am feeling so exhausted and am struggling with having so little time to myself.

Also, is it realistic to hope for my evenings back at this early age?

Closer to five months I'd say OP. Count your blessings to have one that sleeps through this early. I know I did!

My Ds is nearly 6 months and for at least a month now he's been upstairs sleeping for about 7.30 (on a good night) and we have a baby monitor on.
I know your meant to have them in the same room as you for the first six months but we're open plan downstairs and any noise seems to wake him.
It's so nice being able to watch a bit of tv and have dinner with dp again. Ds doesn't sleep through yet but it's worth those few hours of me time. I'm aware it's probably going to change soon though

If you’re desperate to get him into a good sleep routine, read Gina Ford’s ‘Contented Little Baby’ book. Many people on here don’t like her but it worked for us with both of mine. Didn’t follow it religiously but the sleep timings are helpful.

We put both DCs to bed in their cots at 7pm from tiny and never deviated from it. They are both excellent sleepers and now, aged 7 & 9 are both in bed and generally asleep by 8pm. I prioritised this as I’m a teacher and often have to work in the evenings.

I will never understand why people allow their primary age children to stay up late and then complain about them being around. They need their sleep and you are the parent!

I started a routine really early on. Probably from around 8 weeks we did bath, bottle, bed. Hes 15 weeks now and will go down reliably at 6.30 each evening. He used to wake once for a feed at 2/3am, then sleep until 6. Thats gone now, he wakes for an extra feed at 10, still has a feed at 2ish, then will be really wakeful and wake up every 45mins from 4am until we 'let' him get up at 6.30ish. Its a pain, and I think its the 4 month sleep regression.

I honestly think you either have a routine loving baby or not. If you want to start a bedtime routine you need to stick to it for a while, not just one night. In hindsight what I think helped us out is never, ever entertaining sleeping on us for all naps. He was always put down eventually. It was painful in the beginning, but I do think its done us well in the long term.

Wow. I have amazing memories of my babies sleeping on me. Some of my favourite memories of them being small! Shows how we're all different. If I could go back in time to any moment it woule be to gazing on a a sleeping baby in my arms! They're only that little for a while.

I cant imagine never having a sleeping baby on you.

Every child is different, ds slept through from 8pm to 6am from around 9 weeks, nothing I did, it just happened. Then when I went back to work when he was 8 months he went to bed well, but was up at least once a night until he started school.

At 10 weeks is a case of going with whatever they need, and it doesn't seem like it now, but it does pass really quickly.

I cant imagine never having a sleeping baby on you.

@PineappleUpsideDownCake My baby sleeps on me for hours every single day and it’s lovely. But surely I’m not being unreasonable to wish for a couple of hours in the evenings to myself?

Surely I’m not being unreasonable to wish for a couple of hours in the evenings to myself?

Except you are a bit, your baby is still tiny. Most people accept that for a little while after having a baby their entire life and routine is going to be overhauled. I have to be honest, getting an evening back was the least of my worries at this age. I'd have killed for a baby who slept through the night! As it was I got one who would only sleep on me (never even really DH) in the evenings and then woke hourly through the night as well... until a year old! You might just have to adjust your expectations for a little while and accept you are 'sort of' still getting an evening of your baby is sleeping/quiet on you. Read a book, watch a film, take up knitting... there's lots you can do without having to go anywhere. Then when baby is a bit older try again. As others have said, baby should always be with you when sleeping until at least 6 months, so ideally sometime after that

This sounds ridiculous but I actually wish my younger daughter would sleep on me more! The older one would sleep on me for hours in the day and I loved it! Even when she was 2.5 she would sometimes fall asleep nursing and we would just have a lovely sleepy cuddle.

My second baby did it for about the first 5 weeks and then got fed up with it and now wants to be put down to sleep. Even if sh falls asleep while feeding she only lasts about 10 minutes before wriggling and wanting to be put down.
I know it's a good thing really and it does make life easier, but I'm sad I missed out on baby cuddles this time round.

I think DD was around 8 or 9 months when she started going to bed at about 7 semi reliably (then dream feed at 11 and sleep through the night). She’s now 2.5 and I’ve properly got my evenings back- she’s down at 7.30/8 and I don’t see her again til morning. The trade off is that she’ll no longer nap!

I don't think it's unreasonable to want A couple of hours in the evening to yourself!! I was lucky, OP. At 8 weeks old my son was sleeping at 7pm in his cot every night and would wake up once in the night or often sleep through. We used a routine though which I know lots of people disagree with. It was called the Little Ones programme (can be googled). But we also put him in his own room at that point which is against the safe sleeping recommendations. It was amazing to have evenings to ourselves again though (especially as he was a very tough baby during the day!) and I'm doing a part time degree so I needed that time too.

I'm expecting my second baby to arrive in the next few days though and know I can't expect to be so lucky with the sleep thing again so I'll probably feel your pain soon!

I'm a bit confused op, are you just wanting to be able to put baby down so you are hands free of an evening (not unreasonable in my opinion) or are you aiming to have them upstairs on their own for the evening? If the latter, I'm sorry but I'll echo @rottiemum88 'As others have said, baby should always be with you when sleeping until at least 6 months, so ideally sometime after that'. If it is just being able to put them down, things that worked for us were swaddling, lullabies and white noise, warming the mises basket a bit and putting one of my t-shirts down inside.

I kept putting DS into his crib more regularly even when he wasn’t tired and was fairly happy. If I needed the loo / to eat a meal / have a shower I would go upstairs and drop him in. Within 2 weeks he had fallen asleep in it. Then when we managed to map out his nap times we set up a routine around it.

I'd say by 5 months you can do 7pm-7am
But you're stuck at home
From about 4 years old they progressively sleep later/less, want to play, chat, stare at us. Expect to lose on average 1/2 hour every year
From early teens you'll be worried sick when they're out or threatening to cut off wifi
I'd say another 18-21 years / whenever they move out, you'll get evenings back.

@Keepyourginup

Mine slept through every night from 7/7.30pm to 7am from weaning (6 months). Never any issues - brilliant early bedtimes all through school...but now almost 11, she faffs around for hours/can't sleep/ needs light on/needs toilet...is frequently out of bed and some nights still awake when we come to bed about 11.30pm!!! Please someone tell me this is a lockdown/tween phase!

I developed a weird night phobia around this age. Probably hormone related and lasted until I was about 16. I just found it really difficult to turn my light off and go to sleep, I'd avoid it at all costs and usually only give in when sheer exhaustion took me. I couldn't vocalise it as a fear, I just really avoided going to bed. I realise that isn't helpful, but I do think it can be a hormonal thing as she's getting a bit out of whack. A hot chocolate and someone to sit on the end of the bed and chat for a bit can work wonders though.

At 10 weeks old it wouldn't even pass my mind.
I didn't care.
I'd just birthed a little beautiful human.

At 10 weeks old it wouldn't even pass my mind. I didn't care. I'd just birthed a little beautiful human.

@GrumpyHoonMain that’s a really good tip, thanks!

My DS was sleeping on his own upstairs from about 4 months and in his own room by 5 months. He would be in a dark room with a white noise machine. Once he was used to being put down, he slept fine. I got him used to being put down in the day time so I had more patience. I would put him in the jumperoo for a bit to tire him out and then put him down. If he still wasn't tired, more jumperoo until he was! He now sleeps when I tell him, no problems at all. Hope you get your evenings back soon!

We had a similar sling lover. I had no plans to implement a routine and certainly not early on, but horrendous colic at 2 weeks changed all of that as it seemed to be linked to overtiredness- she was completely inconsolable from 6pm until at least 10pm, sometimes 12...

So we started doing soothing bedtime things around 5 as she was starting to get grumpy (bath, story, feed) and then into the sling at 6 for a walk. Power walk round the block for at least an hour, she would have a great sleep (if we stayed in the house NOTHING would convince her to sleep even though she was clearly beside herself with exhaustion) - she would have been quite happy to keep doing that all night but we tried extracting her from the sling when we got back, I'd get into bed in the dark and quiet, white noise machine on, pop her into a swaddle and then feed back to sleep (so basically treating it as I would have done any other night wake, which to her mind it was - I.e. change nappy if needed, fix swaddle and feed back to sleep). Put her in the next to me, job done! Down by about 7/7 30 - pretty much sorted the colic for us (although I know it's different for everyone).

Appreciate you don't have the colic issues but just wondered if a similar approach might be helpful as you said baby is happy to sleep in the sling in the evening? Could wait for them to have a decent chunk of sleep (we always found if we could just get her into 'night-time mode' then she was fine - it was just getting her to accept it was sleeping time that was hard) and then transfer straight into night time conditions? If we had tried doing the bedtime stuff then straight into the next to me without the sling sleep she would have had absolutely no truck with that!

We stayed in the room with her I must admit for ages (watching movies on headphones in the dark or playing 2 player games on the iPad!) but I look back on those times quite fondly now... I think we started coming downstairs with the monitor at about 4.5/5 months but that would be your call. Just some thoughts!

I agree with the 7-13 window! My teenagers go to bed later than me now and so although dh and I are often in a different room they are still up and about.

I used to love my babies sleeping on me in the evening and I’ll never get that precious time back. I actually quite like that my giant teen boys now sometimes come into the living room for an evening cuddle as time goes so fast.

@exhausted89

At 10 weeks old it wouldn't even pass my mind. I didn't care. I'd just birthed a little beautiful human.

@GrumpyHoonMain that’s a really good tip, thanks!

Is there a reason for the face?

@CanICelebrate

I used to love my babies sleeping on me in the evening and I’ll never get that precious time back. I actually quite like that my giant teen boys now sometimes come into the living room for an evening cuddle as time goes so fast.

That's lovely!