When do you get your evenings back?

[exhausted89]

My DS is 10 weeks old. He’s usually a good sleeper at night, either waking for just one feed between 11pm and 6am or sleeping through entirely.

The problem is, I can’t get him to sleep in his cot during the evenings (7pm to 11pm). He will sleep, but only in the sling with me or DH.

Can anyone suggest how I can get him to sleep in his cot for those four hours? I love DS to bits but am feeling so exhausted and am struggling with having so little time to myself.

Also, is it realistic to hope for my evenings back at this early age?

Keep trying to put them in the basket, they do get used to it. Can you lay a T-shirt if yours in the bottom of it so it smells of you. I know they are controversial and a no for bed time but a sleep nest in the basket, as long as you don’t go to sleep and are in the same room?

You could try just gradually bringing forward the time you put him in his cot from 11pm so moving it by 15 mins or so each evening. Although by the time you get it as early as you want then his sleep patterns will probably have all changed again. I would just alternate evenings with your DH so you both get some time to yourself.

My second daughter has had a 7pm bedtime since about 8 weeks old but then she wakes in the night so its swings and roundabouts really!

Reliably from 6 months, up all bloody night from about 2am though. Think I'd have rather had a better night sleep and no evening.

He shouldn't be sleeping in his cot anyway at 10 weeks, he should be with you. Your evenings are now his.

About 3/4 months was when I got an evening back from both my two. As in they started going for a decent sleep at 7/8pm. But they didn't settle on their own! Both were fed off to sleep and then slowly and carefully transferred to the sleepyhead in the cot once they were properly asleep.

Can they sleep in a chair or moses basket downstairs, my DC started sleeping through the night at 3 to 6 months then never slept properly again until about 9? Was up.at 4.30.to.5am everyday, that honestly was so hard plus in the night in my bed until he was about 5, no idea why he stopped sleeping

OP I have a 6 month old and somehow since very early on we started putting him to bed at 6pm and that's become his bedtime. That gives us a nice chunk of time to ourselves (well we have a 5 yr old but he's very easy to manage). It's definitely possible to do a routine at that age! I've been doing nightly bath for months now, then feed and then sleep. He doesn't sleep through but usually goes from 6-10/11 before his first feed of the night.

Oh yes we have blackout blinds in our room and white noise on as well

I started putting DS1 to bed upstairs at 7pm when he was about 10 weeks old. Slept through with a dream feed (stopped that at 7 months). DS2 started going to bed at 6.30pm when he was 5 weeks old - if I kept him downstairs he would whinge all evening. They are now 4.5 years and 18 months - youngest in bed by 7 and the eldest at 7.15, so no issues having an evening to ourselves!

This may sound weird, but if you’re really struggling how about a babysitter? If the baby could get used to them enough to sleep on them instead? Maybe once a week. Then even if you were in the same house you could do your own thing.

I desperately wish I’d done this, I had a very demanding baby and it might’ve prevented my post natal anxiety and shocking insomnia which lasted years. I was a mess and if I ever got a few minutes to myself I’d spend it crying. With hindsight I’d have got someone in and damn the expense

@exhausted89 my DS hated his Moses basket and we were exactly the same as you. He would only sleep in our arms until we went to bed just after his 10pm feed. He suffered from colic from 6-9pm so this was part of our issue. He seemed to get over this after we bought yet more anticolic bottles and he hit 4mo. So we started trying a routine. Now he doesn't bath every night (we find he gets too excited in the bath!) so we have quiet time from 7 until 7:30 and then he gets taken to bed. He used to take ages to settle and would wake often but we persevered and now most nights (except for when his teeth are badly playing up) we don't hear from him until we dream feed at 10pm (we do have monitors). Please don't think you are selfish for wanting time back. You need some time to unwind and refresh ready for the next day so you can be the best mummy for your lo

At 10 weeks, you're just entering peak risk time for SIDS so I really wouldn't suggest putting your baby in a cot in a separate room for a little while. DS started wanting to sleep a little earlier than us at 5 months, since about 9 months, he's gone down around 7/7.30 and is generally asleep until 6am.

Could you try a bouncy chair for the evening? DS loved his and it meant we could eat dinner etc with both hands, move around a bit and have a bit more freedom.

10 weeks?! You're just beginning. Baby should be with someone at all times. When he's old enough to go into his own room and reliably sleeps through, sure you get a little evening time if you're lucky. He's so tiny, his time is your time. Sorry OP but you're in it for the long haul. In my experience DD slept through reliably to properly give me enough evening time without worrying about lack of sleep and night wakings when she was around 2-3. Yes, you've had all that time being pregnant but it doesn't ever click back into your evenings being fully your own. DD is 8 and I'm a single parent. You'll always be on the clock.

All of mine were 3/4/5 months when they started sleeping from about 8 or 9 but for the whole night, so you might not get your evening back, but you might get the night time!! It's hell when you're so tired all the time but one day you'll magically realise you've had days of actual sleep. And saying that sometimes I miss that lovely evening time/night time chill out time with the baby, but my god I was tired then! I have 4 now and have various disruptions over the night!!

Once they can read independently, you can put them to bed with a novel.

It’s going to be several years.

You're not wrong in wanting evenings to yourself, just don't try to rush your expectations. The early months and years go by so fast, I still catch myself missing settling a whingey baby needing me at stupid o'clock when it was just the two of us. Not so often now I can get a full nights sleep regularly but it's still there.

Ive had two very good sleepers and im very grateful for that. DS6 was sleeping through by 12 weeks, DD about the same, maybe a few weeks older. Routine, routine, routine. I dream fed DD for a little bit and stopped it about 6 weeks ago, shes 7m now. We have dinner around 6, half 6 they both go up for a bath, back downstairs for a bottle, and then up to bed 7/730. If were running late, DD starts kicking off because she wants to go to bed. I stick to it as much as i can. She sleeps through until about 630/7. Goes to sleep in her crib no problem aswell. We tried getting her to sleep upstairs about 7/8weeks old, didnt work so waited a bit longer to try again. We started having to hold her hand until she fell asleep, then Gradually stopped. If she kicks off a bit now, i go in, no talking, put her dummy back in, give her her blanket and walk back out and just repeat until shes asleep. Doesnt take long

Kind got my twins up in their cots from 4 weeks old and 2 year old was always asleep my 7:30 at the same time. Gave me and DH around 2 hours to eat and rest before the night shift started

We did when they were babies (from about 3 months) and for most the time till ow but now they're 12 and 10 and the oldest is still awake at gone 11, constantly getting out of bed and saying he can't sleep. So we never get evenings to ourselves now...

@Gin4thewin totally agree. The way I did it was from 3 week on it was bath, boob, bed. Same thing every night at the same time. They very quickly get the routine. If course I had to keep going up to settle and refeed but once we had started this routine they never ever came downstairs again after they had been out in their crib / cot

The baby is 10 weeks,im sorry but you wont get your evenings back for quite a while.

He needs you near.As he gets older his routine will change.

but they are so small for such a little amount of time,just go with the flow.

Mine were around 5 months as before that we didn't even attempt it as we wanted them in the same room as us. They also liked to cluster feed. I used to like the baby cuddles while watching box sets and my husband doing the cooking/tidying up while fed!

We started a bedtime routine from around 4 weeks old - bath, story, feed - but we did it at around 9:30 when we went to bed and gradually brought it forward as they got older.

Good luck!

Still waiting. The problem we have is that, even though DS goes to bed at 7pm and has for some time, we’re both too damn tired to enjoy the evening properly and end up in bed fairly early ourselves!

Just to add, DS is 2.5 yrs old