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Original poster

Getting rid of the dummy for a nearly 6 year old

485 replies

Totallyawinetaster · 17/06/2020 10:53

Hi all, I need some advice on how to get rid of my nearly 6 year old DD's dummy. We have tried everything to convince her to give it up and nothing has worked. I know she's really old to still be having a dummy, but now she is so attracted to it that she won't even consider giving it up.

We've been through the dummy fairy, giving it to Santa, the Easter Bunny taking it, we've read all the books, tried bribery, threats, we've lost it, forgot it going on holiday, everything. You name it we've tried it. Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy.

Part of me wants to believe that she'll stop using it on her own, but I can't see it anytime soon. Does anyone have any advice?

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DeRigueurMortis · 17/06/2020 20:46

@Hellokitty82 the thread is well beyond that now....

majesticallyawkward · 17/06/2020 20:47

Don't try to calm her, when they are in a tantrum they can't see reason you just have to let her ride it out.

It's hard and frustrating, my 5 year old and tantrum for hours! But it gets to that point where nothing you do will help.

Stay strong! It's for her own good, keep telling yourself that

OneMoreWish · 17/06/2020 20:50

Stay strong, the tantrum will stop and she will go to sleep. Have a glass of wine and oat your self on your back. You have done it. It will get easier after today xxx

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CodenameVillanelle · 17/06/2020 20:51

How are you going to cave? I thought you'd cut the ends off and binned them??

titchy · 17/06/2020 20:52

Yep leave her. You're in for a long night. Check every half an hour, with minimal interaction, and obviously if you hear furniture tipping over! But otherwise stay downstairs. Be prepared that tomorrow and Friday will be similar. But I bet by the weekend she'll be better.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 17/06/2020 21:02

I did a safeguarding children mandatory training course today. This could be seen as neglect. How would you feel if you were reported by the child's dentist and were then investigated? She is not a baby, throw all the dummies out.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/06/2020 21:02

You need to completely ignore her tantrum. She's kicking off because it has always worked for her. She has a tantrum, you give in for an easy life, and she knows it. This madness needs to stop or you will end up with a horribly behaved child and a nightmare teenager.

Original poster
Totallyawinetaster · 17/06/2020 21:02

She's graduated on to a full-blown meltdown, with some emotional blackmail thrown in. Apparently she hates me. But we're an hour in and we haven't cracked, probably the furthest we've ever gotten.

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RandomMess · 17/06/2020 21:03

It will be very difficult for her to fall asleep without it, when she calms down she may need you to lay with her etc.

Sandybval · 17/06/2020 21:03

Proud of you OP.

CodenameVillanelle · 17/06/2020 21:05

I did a safeguarding children mandatory training course today. This could be seen as neglect. How would you feel if you were reported by the child's dentist and were then investigated?

It's not neglect in an of itself. This would not trigger an investigation.

Normandy144 · 17/06/2020 21:06

Stick in there. You have done the hard work now. Do not cave!

backseatcookers · 17/06/2020 21:06

You can't crack even if you wanted to OP, you've got rid of all the dummies haven't you? Get them out of the house if not! Agree for tonight negotiate with cuddles if she doesn't tantrum.

"If you stop screaming and shouting we can have a lovely cuddle for ten minutes and then go back to your room because you're very tired. But I won't be able to talk to you while you're screaming and shouting."

titchy · 17/06/2020 21:06

Apparently she hates me

Lol. Wait till she's 15! Well done you're doing well!

Original poster
Totallyawinetaster · 17/06/2020 21:07

@Sandybval

You can do this OP, although it's bloody hard now and it feels cruel, it really is for her benefit. One of my friends had a dummy all through primary school, she didn't take it to school, but for sleepovers etc she had it, and her teeth were in pretty bad shape; possibly genetics but more than likely because she used it a lot of the time at home. We didn't bully her as we were her friends, but her brother told everyone she still used one and her life was made hell. It's honestly going to benefit her hugely, so if you do start to feel guilty as she is so upset, it's actually really selfless because youre dealing with that when it would be easier to give in because you care about her.
This is the reason, besides her teeth, that I really want to get rid. I could fully see her still having a dummy when she's 9 or 10 if we let her.

What happened to your friend, how long did she take to give it up? Are her teeth still messed up now? That must have stayed with her a long time, with all the bullying.

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 17/06/2020 21:08
  • Apparently she hates me

Lol. Wait till she's 15! Well done you're doing well!*

You know you've graduated as a parent when you get "I wish I'd never been born" 😂

Mama1980 · 17/06/2020 21:11

Ignore, ignore, ignore. She is throwing a tantrum as that's always worked in the past. Of course she thinks she hates you right now, but sometimes they have to hate you - you can't be a good parent and have them think you are wonderful all the time.
When she's calmed down sit with her, and she may want you there as she falls asleep,if she's always had the dummy before.
This is for her own good, keep reminding yourself of that.

dobbyssoc · 17/06/2020 21:13

To be honest OP I'd just say mummy and daddy are going downstairs now, night night and leave her to it. If she comes down ask if she's ready to be a big girl if she kicks off take her back to bed without talking to her

RandomMess · 17/06/2020 21:16

Around 7/8 children's palates start to change and it actually massively reduces the amount of comfort they can get from a dummy and why older DC naturally wean from the breast because they can no longer breastfeed properly.

My DC only had dummies in bed from 2, the eldest traded hers at 4, the next 2 were thumb suckers (get one to give that up was utterly horrific - socks taped over hands etc), the youngest gave up the dummy 7ish, no point binning it because she would just suck her thumb instead so was the lesser of 2 evils 🤦🏼‍♀️

BabyMoonPie · 17/06/2020 21:22

@Totallyawinetaster I was a thumb sucker beyond an age I should have stopped. I pushed my jaw out of shape and needed several braces over many years (I also stunted the growth of the thumb I sucked but that's not an issue for you). It's not going to be easy in the short term but you're doing the right thing for the long term

Applesarenice · 17/06/2020 21:32

Remember there is no magic easy way - This is the ONLY way and if you cave you are just going to have to start it all over again. Good luck!

Notapheasantplucker · 17/06/2020 21:36

Well done OP, stick with it. Good luck WineGrin

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/06/2020 21:37

You're doing well op. Id give her as many cuddles as she wants tonight even if she is tantrumming and apparently hates you.

PrayingandHoping · 17/06/2020 21:38

Stay strong OP! You've always caved before and she knows it!!

Original poster
Totallyawinetaster · 17/06/2020 21:45

She's still going strong. We had a short break in the meltdown where we thought we had cracked it but I think she was just taking a breather. DH says that I should have kept one back just incase we need it, but I know I'd of just given in. Although he has suggested that we turn the house upside down to look for a dummy as a backup, I'm not budging.

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