Getting rid of the dummy for a nearly 6 year old

[Totallyawinetaster]

Hi all, I need some advice on how to get rid of my nearly 6 year old DD's dummy. We have tried everything to convince her to give it up and nothing has worked. I know she's really old to still be having a dummy, but now she is so attracted to it that she won't even consider giving it up.

We've been through the dummy fairy, giving it to Santa, the Easter Bunny taking it, we've read all the books, tried bribery, threats, we've lost it, forgot it going on holiday, everything. You name it we've tried it. Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy.

Part of me wants to believe that she'll stop using it on her own, but I can't see it anytime soon. Does anyone have any advice?

Sorry given the distress i wouldnt have grabbed them and binned them and surprised her with it. She must be in a heightened state of anxiety. Friends who had difficulties with there DC giving up dummies when older gathered them together with there DC and sent them to the dummy fairy. They were rewarded with a small gift the next day.

Why isn't it a good time to give it up?
Because more children are suffering from anxiety due to covid and lockdown. There was a study recently that showed primary school children have been the hardest hit emotionally and mentally. They don't always articulate it but they show it in other ways.
My children and grandchildren have never used dummies so I'm afraid I have no useful advice other than could you persuade her to use a different type of comforter? If she is using it a lot more in the day that hints she needs some sort of comforter But her habit of turning to the dummy needs breaking. Can you let her choose a cuddly toy or something else she would love and agree with her that it will replace the dummy.

Well done OP... hang on in there!

Cut off the teat and bin in so you can’t give in!

Well done OP! If shes gone away to sulk leave her to sulk by herself. You might be in for a tough night but she's old enough to understand. Stay strong!

Well done!

Keep posting if you need support to get you through

Good luck OP! DD has comforters she used to suck. We just went cold turkey one night and told her she couldn't have them. She was upset and cried herself to sleep which was hard but actually after the first couple of nights she's been fine. This was a few months ago so just as she was turning 5.

@donkir there is a lot more evidence now about the harm they cause, dentists are really strict about it. I was read the riot act by my dentist about thumb sucking when my daughter was 2, 3 and 4 ( after which we eventually cracked it) He said thumb sucking was worse for teeth than dummies in fact. It isn't just a case of having braces because it actually alters the shape of the jaw, which can't be corrected by braces on the teeth themselves.

Well done!!! You’ve got this!! Stay strong

donkir my son's dummy was gone by 2ish. He does not suck his thumb or his fingers, has no comfort blanket or specific teddy for comfort. He's now 5.

The dummy has to go, braces are uncomfortable and painful for children.

Thanks everyone, I checked on her about an hour ago and she had found a bloody dummy!! I did manage to wrestle it off her, though not without resistance. She's about to go to bed and she's already started with the tantrum. Wish me luck.

Stay strong OP. She'll thank you for it when she doesn't have to wear braces

You're doing great OP!

Have you older children that would encourage her to give them up without a fuss?

Keep it up op and well done!

It is so easy to give in when children are very strong willed but you are teaching her a really important lesson here that you decide and she has to do what she is told. Alongside the health benefits

I had a very sad chat with the loveliest mother at a&e when I took dd there. Her dd was sweet but had been brought there in bad pain with mouth abscesses and needed them sorting out as an emergency procedure. The mother said you see she just loves sweets and whatever we try she always gets more. The child was 5. The mum had never taught her what you are doing with dd now - when mum says no it’s no and for her own good. Instead the mum always gave in to tears and shouting and brought the sweets back out

Keep going OP! Shes probably got a load stashed all over the house so you'll more than likely find her sucking on a couple more yet. Stay strong!

Well done! Every minute that you persist is a minute closer to the end. Unless you cave in which case you've got to do all these minutes and hours again and more because it'll last even longer.

You've got this. If people keep jumping on you, start a new thread and we'll support you through it!

You can do this. She’s six. YOU are the adult and the person in charge.

Well done again.

She has to know you mean business.

Yours is a no dummy household now.

Be tough because it's being a good mother to prioritise her health over "baby" attachments.

I'd also caution against bribing her now - because just like tantrums she learns that poor behaviour has gains.

Rather when you get through this give her a present saying you are proud of her coming out the other side of this and understanding that tantrums (over anything) don't work and it's good behaviour that gets rewarded.

We went cold turkey with DS when he was 2. He missed it the first night and then never asked for one again.

She's in absolute hysterics now, she's kept it up for over 30 minutes. DH and I have been comforting her but it's hardly helping. No distractions are working, this is normally the point that I would cave, but I'm staying strong.

My DS 4 sucked his fingers . My husband and I tried to stop him for ages with the gently gently approach. No success.
Decided to make DS watch a creepy video on you tube about thumb sucking and he hasn’t done it since !
It was really weird and we felt bad after but it definitely worked.

Stop trying to placate her.

Make sure she's in a safe environment and leave her to tantrum it out.

You and your DH trying to comfort her won't help as she sees it as means to make you capitulate.

If your not witness to the tantrum it has no power.

But again - make sure she's in a safe space to tantrum it out.

You can do this OP, although it's bloody hard now and it feels cruel, it really is for her benefit. One of my friends had a dummy all through primary school, she didn't take it to school, but for sleepovers etc she had it, and her teeth were in pretty bad shape; possibly genetics but more than likely because she used it a lot of the time at home. We didn't bully her as we were her friends, but her brother told everyone she still used one and her life was made hell. It's honestly going to benefit her hugely, so if you do start to feel guilty as she is so upset, it's actually really selfless because youre dealing with that when it would be easier to give in because you care about her.

6???????
Let her go to bed one night, take away every single dummy you own and bin them and don't even bring the subject up.

When you get the "where's my dummy"? Question just say "I don't know, maybe they've been taken by the dummy fairy to a new baby, that's a nice thought isn't it"

I did this to my 3 year old it worked a trick

If she tantrums let her it's ridiculous at 6!

Baby 2 and 3 I never gave them dummies, I wasn't having that sarga again 😆