Getting rid of the dummy for a nearly 6 year old

[Totallyawinetaster]

Hi all, I need some advice on how to get rid of my nearly 6 year old DD's dummy. We have tried everything to convince her to give it up and nothing has worked. I know she's really old to still be having a dummy, but now she is so attracted to it that she won't even consider giving it up.

We've been through the dummy fairy, giving it to Santa, the Easter Bunny taking it, we've read all the books, tried bribery, threats, we've lost it, forgot it going on holiday, everything. You name it we've tried it. Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy.

Part of me wants to believe that she'll stop using it on her own, but I can't see it anytime soon. Does anyone have any advice?

Throw it away, she won't be able to go and buy a new one. It will be horrendous for a day or 2, but worth it in the end. DS had almighty tantrums when we took his away during the day, but it had to be done, he was fine within a few days and started lugging about his favourite soft toy instead for comfort.

Just remember that no matter how much she tantrums, you are being kind by taking them away now before more damage is done to her teeth and before her school friends realise and bully her for the rest of her school life about this.

You can do it, sending you positive vibes for the next few hours.

You’ve let her win so many times you’re going to have a real battle today, my son had his dummy at 3 but gave it up then it wasn’t easy but he managed, he had one episode though I didn’t give in, and I know it’s hard he was the youngest too.

She’s not your last baby, she’s 6 she’s a child yes she’s your little girl but she’ll be a little girl with awful teeth that will need work done later on. Keep that in your mind when she kicks off and it’s not going to be a fun afternoon or even few days for you.

Parenting isn’t easy sometimes, people say parent you child, some people really struggle
And find it upsetting because they’ve not got the right tools or support so ignore the negative people Because you’ve made the decision and the key is to not back down, be calm and stay strong. It’s hard my youngest is being assessed for autism & I really struggled with how to parent him, the techniques I used with my older 3 sons didn’t work for him, I used triple p with help from school - I’m not sure if you can get any of the info online but it really helped me see how I was behaving or the ways I spoke to the kids affected them, also overhearing other adults can have an effect. you can do this, good luck

Well done OP, you’ve done the right thing - it’s a dummy free house now, good luck

Its hard when they tantrum and shes bigger and stronger and can go on for longer.

Take the dummies off her immediately. Ask her if she has any questions about this. Do a fair trade and stick with it. Buy her a toy and say that this means they are gone. Let her pick it. It might be a teddy for comfort in bed.

Let her cry. Shell eventually wear in. Do not give them back. Ever.

Just seen you've done it! Well done and hood luck. Be firm

Well done op you're 100% doing the right thing. Is there anything else she prizes as much as the dummy that you can distract her with?

Oh my goodness throw them out. If she has a tantrum then so be it.... She will forget. It's doing more damage long term

Oh didn't see your update. 💪💪💪

Just take a look at her teeth and remember that you have done that by giving into her. When she screams and tantrums, keep looking at her teeth and ask yourself whether you want to ruin her smile and teeth forever just because you don't want to sit out a tantrum now. Guaranteed it will be over in a couple of days if you just weather the tantrum...ruined teeth last longer and she will not thank you for it when she's a teenager.

We had this with my daughter when she was 5, she was practically addicted to it and it was getting worse not better. No amount of bribing, dummy fairies etc worked so in the end we sat her down and said she was a big girl so she didn't need it anymore and that from that evening dummies were no longer allowed in the house. I have her the choice of throwing them away or having me do it and she cried and wouldn't choose so I did it and not only did I put them in the bin but I cut the tears off so at 9pm that night when she was crying I wouldn't be tempted to give one back to her.

First night horrendous at bedtime but once asleep she stayed asleep and the second night was so much better, by the end of the week she no longer moaned! When she did 2 weeks I bought her a present and made a fuss but then we didn't mention them ever again. She's 7 now and she found one at the very bottom of her toy box a while ago, she said she had a little suck before she brought it to me and said it was disgusting!!!

Good luck!

You take all the dummies away and tell her it's time to be a big girl. She's 6, not a baby. She can understand perfectly well.

Well done op, I have a DD who is 6 and I totally understand the tantrums, I'm dreading teenage years if this is anything to go by! It'll probably be 3 days of hell but it will get easier and always remember in the back of your mind why you are doing this. Good luck

Oh good luck op!

She's asked for her dummy and I told her that she's a big girl and that she's no longer going to be having a dummy. When she started to complain I told her they are in the bin. She's now hurried upstairs to look for one, I think it's going to be bad when she doesn't find any.

Just remember it's OK if it's bad. It won't be bad forever. And when it's over you will wonder what took you so long. You've got this 💪🏻. Tell her it's ok to be upset and angry and if she wants she can go and scream in her room. Offer a cuddle. Distract with activities. If nothing works then ignore. Just don't give in!

You are totally doing the right thing. Stay strong.
She really can't rule the roost, and you can't give in to tantrums but you know this.
How do you usually react to her tantrums about other things?

Chick something manky all over the ones in the bin. Offer the older kids 50p each if they find a dummy and can keep the hunt secret. Then immediately cut and bin. Just be tough and calm. She's used to getting her own way.

Just tell her tough shit. She’s 6!

I was going to suggest a gradual reduction over the course of a week but I see you're going cold turkey. Good look!

Yeah.. as others have said you just need to say no. My 6 year old was really attached to his dummy but we bit the bullet when he turned 3 and it didnt take too many tantrums to get him used to not having one. Does she have other comforters? Both of mine have a special blanket and stuffed toy. My 8 year old still takes his to bed. Something like that may help take her mind off it?

I've tried binning them before, but she throws the most almighty tantrum, and I always give in.

Well you've answered your own question there! Don't give in. Few weeks pain and it's done.

if I throw them away she could easily find another one.

Eh?! Not if there aren't any in the house, unless she's able to pop to the shops with money to buy one! But she's 6 so that's not an option... your responsibility not to make any available to her. She's the youngest so no need for any in the house.

You need to get your resilience to tantrums under control or she'll be doing this kind of thing when she's 8, 10, 12, 15... you aren't doing her any favours as you're teaching her bad behaviour is rewarded and aggression gets results.

Good luck op stay strong and do not give in!!

So not possible now but we took our 5 year old literally the week before lockdown to the dentist and he exposed us!! Told her she would have terrible teeth - we got home collected them all and gave them to the fairy. That was March of course and now in June honestly we've heard nothing - she takes a little longer to fall asleep and she does like to chew on her teddy's ear sometimes but it's much much better than my 8 year old who still sucks her thumb!