Getting rid of the dummy for a nearly 6 year old

[Totallyawinetaster]

Hi all, I need some advice on how to get rid of my nearly 6 year old DD's dummy. We have tried everything to convince her to give it up and nothing has worked. I know she's really old to still be having a dummy, but now she is so attracted to it that she won't even consider giving it up.

We've been through the dummy fairy, giving it to Santa, the Easter Bunny taking it, we've read all the books, tried bribery, threats, we've lost it, forgot it going on holiday, everything. You name it we've tried it. Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy.

Part of me wants to believe that she'll stop using it on her own, but I can't see it anytime soon. Does anyone have any advice?

Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy.

She doesn't end up with the dummy. You give her the dummy.

Your laziness is destroying things! Your DD is turning into a spoilt brat and will have awful teeth, all because you won't be a decent mum for her.

Bin it. Let her scream and about, she doesn't get it back. Cut the end off so you aren't even tempted to give it back to her/can't. Do not buy a new one.

DS is 5 threw his tablet in a rage and cracked the screen, it now doesn't work properly. I refuse to replace it till Christmas, it's his own fault, we had daily tantrums about it for a fortnight but I didn't give in. He's not having a new one. He's now learnt a)I don't replace things he damages in a tantrum b) not to throw things because they might break 🤷🏻‍♀️

I say to DS often "I do not negotiate, you can cry as much as you want"

I think the OP has probably got the message now.

What worked for my DS was another child laughing at him for having a dummy. He chose to stop having it there and then.. done. He was about 2.5 and he's nearly 4 now. Photos of him show how much the dummy was affecting his teeth. Maybe try telling her that her friends don't have a dummy and only babies have them. She might decide herself. If not.. bin them and don't look back

@IncrediblySadToo

Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy

She doesn't 'end up with the dummy' YOU give it to her.

She's 6 - get a grip now or you'll be battling her always. When you say NO mean NO, not now until you scream enough'

Tell her that when this one wears out, there won't be anymore and mean it!!

Then when you're ready, snip it (where she won't notice) then when she whinges remind her you said mom more' tell her screaming won't help, she's a big girl and big girls don't have dummies -End Of

However, is NOW really the time to be removing a comforter for a child?

I agree with this.

Especially the end bit, get prepared but really NOW probably isn't the best time to do it with all that is going on, this is a very unsettling time and when you do get rid everything needs to be settled.

@Snooks1971

How old are your older 2 DC, OP? It sounds like they are seeing the ‘baby of the family’ (who is almost 6) get their own way by screaming and tantrumming. I imagine that they don’t get their own way by doing this and it’s not fair on them to treat them differently just because of order of birth.

This. You might cause her upset in the short term but it's for her own benefit long term. Don't fall into the "baby of the family" trap of spoiling her and treating your older DCs as lower priority. Take the dummies, buy some ear plugs (for everyone) and ride it out. She'll be fine, don't worry!

OK, I get the picture. I was kind of hoping that someone would say that it'll all be fine and she'll give it up on her own, but that clearly hasn't happened. I know just now isn't the ideal time to remove the dummies but because of the situation now she has been using them in the day more and more. I'll get myself phyced up for this.

Hey, just want to add my experience. My DC was three and a half - he gathered together all his dummies and we let him choose a toy and he ‘paid’ for it with his dummies.

That night he howled for his dummy - I held him until he fell asleep in my arms, I told him I knew that it felt hard and different but he could do this, he could do anything, and I would always be there to support him.

Same thing the next night but less time.

Then he was fine. I was DREADING it but it was ok.

Good luck, be strong, and find a way to let her know that she can do it and she’ll be fine.

At 6 I think you need to be honest with your child. Your child should be able to communicate effectively at this age. Tell them they don’t need it anymore as they are far too old for a dummy and it will ruin your teeth other wise.

Usually it’s not that bad I told my child at around 3 maybe a bit younger and they were fine.

If she is using through the day maybe replace with a chew toy - both my girls (5 and 17) have SN and both like to have something to suck or chew as it provides sensory feedback and comfort. We have chew toys that help and save sodden hair and sleeves.

Sorry about the long link but this site has chewy and sucky type things which might help break the association with dummy and comfort.

www.sensorydirect.com/chewbuddy.html?gclid=CjwKCAjw_qb3BRAVEiwAvwq6VqSshku4T0JgXxCbCLm6UkZMWqTAOBr145BsjTdZ-V198EXv3P7TeRoCFDMQAvD_BwE#138=277

Dummies will be the least of your problems if you don’t start standing up to her tantrums

Agree with this ^ and you've just made another excuse.

I appreciate it’s a difficult time right now but I feel like it will always be something - it’s never going to be easy for you exactly because you’ve left it so long. Honestly I think the sooner the better, bite the bullet and get it done to save any further tooth damage!

"I know just now isn't the ideal time to remove the dummies"

Throw them away today or tonight op. Do not repurchase and do not give in to the protests. It's time to rip off the plaster.

Sorry to be brutal but if you wait for an "ideal time" it'll just be a dragged out process with there always being something e.g. now is not an ideal time because dd is ill / about to go on holiday / got x, y and z coming up on the calendar.

Why isn't it a good time to give it up?

Two options:

1. Let her keep having it. It’s not doing much harm (other than properly altering her teeth). Kids usually give up sucking things at around age 7. She will eventually over the next 2 years naturally not want it anymore.
2. If you don’t want her to have it or if her teeth are badly affected:

It’s very simple (but not easy). Tell her that tomorrow is the day you are putting the dummy out for the dummy fairy to collect. Today and tonight is the last night and tomorrow you are going to leave out on a walk for the dummy fairy as she is old enough to manage without one now. Give her a treat for letting it go and leaving it behind. Now is the hardest bit. You throw away every and I mean every dummy in the outside bin. No matter what happens next, you never give her a dummy again. It’s a crutch for you as much as the child and you have to realise that. Do not go and buy more. Do not keep one just in case. She is never having one again and that’s that. You have to be like steel in your mind and never bend or give in under ANY circumstance. It takes a couple of weeks and the first few nights will probably be hell. Be prepared for this, be aware and it won’t come as a shock. I know it sounds harsh but the only way to give up is if you make a resolve to throw them all away and stick to it! You are in charge, not her!

Oh my god are you actually serious? You thought we’d give you a pat on the back and tell you it would all be fine? Get a grip! You’d happily take the opinions of a group of strangers from the internet over a dentist who is already telling you damage has been done? You seriously need to give your head a wobble and parent your child. Bin all the dummies and don’t buy more, it’s literally as simple as that. And yes there’s going to be tremendous tantrums because you’ve made a rod for your own back long ago because you couldn’t be bothered doing it sooner and now it’s to the detriment of your child. These are the consequences of your own actions, time to step up and start doing the right thing

OP. Every one of your posts includes an excuse as to why your 6 year old still has a dummy, not just for comfort, but during the day now too.
Why do you want her to give it up?
Because of dental problems, because she's 6, because you're embarrassed?
And why are you making excuses?
Because she'll throw a tantrum?
Can you not see the issue is you not wanting to deal with it?

You need to show her that she can fall asleep without it. Take her on a long walk to wear her out and give her some quality 1:1 time, then a nice warm bath and into pyjamas. Then I’d take her for a long drive and hopefully she’ll fall asleep in the car. You don’t have to say you’re going anyway just that you’re going to take the car out. Once she’s fallen asleep Without it once it will be much easier to fall asleep without it again.

Seriously what are you waiting for?

Do it today.

It's not getting any easier the longer you leave it.

It's never going to be a good time to do it and every day you're making matters worse.

She's 6 and of an age to understand it's damaging her teeth - she knows this because she's already agreed to give up the dummy with the dentist but you let her get away with it.

You're babying her to an unhealthy degree.

So what if she has a meltdown? Leave her to it.

Absolutely don’t let her have them in the day. Take them away as soon as she finds them.

You really have to stop with the ‘she’s the youngest and my baby’ nonsense. You are going to turn her into a brat and cause problems with her relationships with her siblings. I’ve seen this happen in a family I am close to. You don’t want this.

When my DD struggled, she needed it for comfort at night however she needs decent teeth more, we came up with a solution with the dentist (she’s ace) we bought a squishy that was shaped like a tooth, gave it to the dentist before we went in, DD handed over all her dummies in a box, dentist made a huge fuss of how proud she was and said I know you’re going to find it hard to sleep so I want you to look after this tooth for me it’s the best tooth I have etc, he needs to be cuddled tightly and loved and taken care of just like your teeth, and if you’re feeling scared then give him a little squeeze, my DD went to bed that night cuddling the tooth and never looked back as she had another little comfort, maybe you could try something like that.

Try cutting the ends off them all so they loose their effect and see if she gives them up herself, if she doesn't then your going to have to bin them and be a mother a deal with the tantrums!