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Original poster

Getting rid of the dummy for a nearly 6 year old

485 replies

Totallyawinetaster · 17/06/2020 10:53

Hi all, I need some advice on how to get rid of my nearly 6 year old DD's dummy. We have tried everything to convince her to give it up and nothing has worked. I know she's really old to still be having a dummy, but now she is so attracted to it that she won't even consider giving it up.

We've been through the dummy fairy, giving it to Santa, the Easter Bunny taking it, we've read all the books, tried bribery, threats, we've lost it, forgot it going on holiday, everything. You name it we've tried it. Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy.

Part of me wants to believe that she'll stop using it on her own, but I can't see it anytime soon. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
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maddiemookins16mum · 20/06/2020 12:31

It’s not the dummy that’s the real issue here. It’s you giving in.

buckeejit · 20/06/2020 12:35

Sorry for your bad news. Please seek some parenting support help when you get past this stage to help you to help your daughter. Maybe speaking to someone irl would help you.

Look after yourselves

BeeFarseer · 20/06/2020 13:04

I'm sorry for your bad news, OP.

Being completely honest, this thread has been an eye-opener for me. My youngest DS still has a dummy and he's starting school in September. He is being assessed for ASD so it is more complicated than it would be for a neurotypical child.

The comments about leaving a child with a dummy because it's the easy option have hit home. That's what we do, there are so many things we struggle with so we keep putting it off.

I don't want to be in the OP's shoes and so I won't be. The advice on this thread is brilliant.

I'm going to have a long chat with DH tonight until we agree a strategy. Whether that is complete withdrawal of dummies, or gradual, I don't know, but we're doing it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting
Onceuponatimethen · 20/06/2020 13:28

@BeeFarseer I have some experience of this in a different way - I did very extended bf with my dd who is on the cusp of an ASD dx.

What I would recommend from my experience:

  1. setting up a transition object - something new that functions in the same comforting way as a dummy and giving time for that to become part of the bedtime routine or daytime comfort, whether that’s a teddy or whatever

  2. thinking about the bedtime routine and other routines so You are ready to avoid dummy trigger moments.

  3. a new bedtime routine to try to build the new comfort object and eg cosy nightlight etc

  4. talk for a week or so in advance about the change. We had a book that talked about how when you are very big you don’t need milk from mum any more

  5. when it’s almost the day warn them the day before, keep reading the book and then tell them tonight you won’t have it etc

  6. be ready for a really tough battle for three nights at least. My dd was inconsolable for a few nights but then accepted it

  7. don’t go back On the decision as it’s confusing for them and means they’ve got to go through the upset again another time. It was very very hard but we did it!

  8. while they are going through it find Other ways to give them comfort. I gave dd stories and hugs etc to compensate for the pain of her losing her comforter

Hope some of this is useful!

Floralnomad · 20/06/2020 14:03

Surely the point is the Op has just proven she cannot carry through her actions and so I would imagine by Monday the dummy will be back downstairs during the day because her daughter knows that she can basically do as she pleases if she tantrums enough .

Original poster
Totallyawinetaster · 20/06/2020 14:51

I don't know why anyone would think I'd lie about something like this to complete strangers. The agreement I've made with DD is that she can have the dummy at bedtime, but if she can't have it in the day. Right now she needs the comfort and support that the dummy gives her, I'd rather have a slight chance of her getting braces than feeling very insecure and anxious. Thank you for the kind posts those of you that did.

OP posts:
chateaudekaleidoscope · 20/06/2020 15:01

This little girl is going to walk all over you as she gets older. If she needs comfort your her mother give it to her. One of the most frustrating lack of parenting I've read on here.

Teacaketotty · 20/06/2020 15:04

@chateaudekaleidoscope is exactly right, you as her mother give her comfort and support not a piece of plastic and rubber she is far far too old for - I’m sorry to be blunt but lazy parenting at its best!

BeeFarseer · 20/06/2020 15:18

@Onceuponatimethen Thank you for taking the time to write that, it's very helpful and lovely to know too that it's 'doable'.

LovingLola · 20/06/2020 15:23

I don't know why anyone would think I'd lie about something like this to complete strangers

Mn is full of fake threads. That’s why people might think this might be one.
At least try to stick to your dd keeping it for bed time only. That way the ongoing damage to her oral health may be lessened.

KnitFastDieWarm · 20/06/2020 16:58

Right now she needs the comfort and support that the dummy gives her

It is your job as her parent to provide this comfort and support.
I say this with sympathy as my DS still had milk in a bottle at bedtime until he was 3 and a half - but i bit the bullet, powered through and he was fine in a week. Was it easy or fun for me? No. Was it the correct and kindest thing to do for DS? Yes. Was it ‘the right time’? Hell no, me and Dh were caring for his terminally ill father, life was bloody hard - but it wasn’t an excuse to abdicate our responsibility to our child as parents.

You need to get your six year old off the dummy. That’s the bottom line here.

forgetthehousework · 20/06/2020 17:12

But really you're going to let her have the dummy whenever she wants it, aren't you OP.

Because she is be so upset.

By your bad news?

Or by being thwarted?

PPs have said if you are not careful you'll end up with a spoilt brat.

Too late, you've already got one.

SquirtleSquad · 20/06/2020 17:51

Your daughter needs comfort so comfort her, don't just fob her off with a baby's dummy!

PrayingandHoping · 20/06/2020 18:44

Braces are painful, and can be scary and traumatic for some kids and they can feel self conscious and anxious if they have low self esteem....

I'm sorry you've had bad news but you are making bigger future problems

unicornparty · 20/06/2020 19:08

She's really going to resent you as a teen with bad teeth for not parenting her. Disgusting.

Bunnybigears · 20/06/2020 19:09

It could potentially be more than just train track braces, it could be full head gear braces or could be surgery on her jaw. I think at 6 I would sit her down explain dummies are for a very short period for very small babies and you have made a mistake by letting g her have it this long and that now you ha e to fix that mistake by taking them away, apologise that it will be hard for her but it has to be done and them turn the house upside down getting rid of every single one. But then I have always been super honest with my kids and explained when I have done something wrong and explain ed how we will fix it.

Catboysmama · 20/06/2020 19:11

OP I searched your name and from what I can see you have been on a few dummy threads. I wonder if this is something that does really bother you, and therefore the comments must be upsetting you. Is your husband supportive of getting rid of the dummies?

I had braces for the same reason but didn't have a dummy as long as your daughter and I hated braces. I felt that I looked awful during my teenage years and it affected my confidence. I also had a fixed retainer fitted at the same time of having braces. It affected my speech and I was ridiculed at school for it.

forrestgreen · 20/06/2020 19:13

I'm sorry for your bad news but as sad and upset she has been for the last two nights has showed her that this is the way to get another dummy.
Find something she wants, spend a week finding dummies and trade the last one for the toy. (Then send her to relative) I think this needs sorting before school goes back

Wilberforce1 · 20/06/2020 19:21

When she is 13 with teeth like bugs bunny how are you going to reassure and comfort her then? Or maybe she will still have her dummy?

SS1987 · 20/06/2020 19:32

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Knittedfairies · 20/06/2020 19:42

Put a small hole in the dummy - a pinprick. It won't be as satisfying for her, but she'll still have her dummy. If you find any more dummies, put a couple of pinpricks in the next one; hopefully she'll give them up by herself if you can't go cold turkey.

Alwaystwomagpies · 20/06/2020 20:05

Vile responses on here

Someone even equating having a dummy to playing with knives

FFS.

Have never seen a thread drag out the nasty brigade with quite such fervour

Alwaystwomagpies · 20/06/2020 20:06

Lots of kids need braces who have never had dummies.
The constant suggestions that it’s an absolute cause and effect every time is nonsense.

Bunnybigears · 20/06/2020 20:08

Someone even equating having a dummy to playing with knives
My point was not that having a dummy was as equally dangerous as playing with knives my point was there are some things that you say no to no matter how hard a kid cries for it and having a dummy at 6 should also be one of those things.

LittleBearPad · 20/06/2020 20:10

There are some extreme responses here.

Loads of kids have braces, including head gear with no dummies. Lots of older kids suck their thumbs too.

It’s better than it was, it will get better again in time.

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