Getting rid of the dummy for a nearly 6 year old

[Totallyawinetaster]

Hi all, I need some advice on how to get rid of my nearly 6 year old DD's dummy. We have tried everything to convince her to give it up and nothing has worked. I know she's really old to still be having a dummy, but now she is so attracted to it that she won't even consider giving it up.

We've been through the dummy fairy, giving it to Santa, the Easter Bunny taking it, we've read all the books, tried bribery, threats, we've lost it, forgot it going on holiday, everything. You name it we've tried it. Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy.

Part of me wants to believe that she'll stop using it on her own, but I can't see it anytime soon. Does anyone have any advice?

Oh OP all that hard work and upset for her and you has all been for nothing!

Totally pathetic

That's just ridiculous, I'm so sorry for the bad news but you have put your daughter through all of that stress and upset for no reason 🤦🏼‍♀️ Now she knows that all she has to do is cry, scream and go on and on and you will give in, not just with dummies either.

As I said before my dd was 5 and she begged and pleaded but we just had to do it, I was ruining her teeth by not being strong for her.

Can't believe you gave in.

I agree with PP absolutely pathetic. Bad news or not you shouldn't of given in. Your a total pushover imagine what she's like when she gets to her teens! You'll be a doormat by the end of it.

You should be able to have an honest conversation with your child at 6 and tell her NO if my child started alarming for a dummy she would get sent to her room until she stopped crying.

This a reflection of your parenting and your child clearly is spoilt!!

I’m sorry you’ve had bad news but you are making excuses for failing to parent your child properly. You are damaging her health.

That's a shame OP.
She will find it harder next time because she believes that she can't manage without it now.

In parenting we have a rule: if you are going to give in, do it straight away. If you are going to hold out, hold out. The worst thing is to hold out and hold out and then back down. That just teaches the child that they need to keep up the fight as you may well give up before them.

Honestly I’m not surprised, I sympathise with bad news but things happen in life doesn’t excuse you making bad decisions for your child which right now you are doing. Your going to have a teenager with a dummy at this rate and god help you dealing with her tantrums then if this is your willpower.

I don’t believe the dummies were ever thrown out tbh...

Well maybe next time you and your DH will ensure all dummys are removed. Talk to her about removing them instead of suddenly deciding on the back if MN posters egging you on to simply grab them cut them and bin them without her knowledge, causing her unsurprisingly to get distressed and then with a whiff off bad news after a night of crying and distress you let her have it back. It doesnt have to be so bloody horrendous. She is 5 not 15....still young....as I said previously set an agreed plan with her...do a star chart and count down to when the dummy fairy is coming to collect them and ask her to choose something that she would like from the dummy fairy to replace the dummies. This time stick to it...your poor DD is already being damaged physically by the way your dealing with this and now its emoitonally damaging too..

@Teacaketotty I agree they were never thrown out or the OP went and bought more way too coincidental that the family get ‘bad news’ and the daughter manages to find a dummy .

I think it’s pretty clear by her message that whatever has happened is something awful. Those of you calling her pathetic are really not helping - do you really think she needs to hear that. It’s nasty.

Oh op!
We've all supported you but all that hard work and stress for your daughter and you've thrown it all away!
Bad news is not an excuse not to parent!

op

Shame. Really, but you know you’ve let yourself down and most of all you’ve let your daughter down massively. You’re setting her up for so many problems, and you can fix it. Bad news or not.

It’s weak. Very weak and it’s bad parenting.

Oh OP! I hope you're ok and have support re: the news you've received. Be kind to yourself.

However, be mindful of what this teaches your daughter. She will be confused at why she's had to endure all this trauma and will have learned that she just needs to scream and lose her rag to get what she wants. It's worked in a situation where she desperately wanted something and she might now apply this to other things! So stay strong. I would urge you to have a plan to stop with the dummy again sooner rather than later. Your dentist has told you it's affecting her health. It's a basic need that you have to meet as her parent.

@FourDecades

Why isn't it a good time to give it up?

Oh I don’t know - maybe the fact that the world is upside down, she can’t see most or any of her friends or family.

@Totallyawinetaster

Sorry for my silence on here. Yesterday we received some pretty bed personal news, that's left us all a bit shaken. None of us we're in a particularly good place mentally, and the dummy sort of fell to the back of my mind.

So when DD found a dummy yesterday afternoon, and begged that we let her keep it, we agreed that she could use it for sleeping as long as it stayed in her bedroom. I really wasn't up for the fight.

I know a lot of you won't be happy with this, but at the moment the dummy is not a priority. Time like this really make you reconsider your priorities.

Thank you for all the support everyone, I know you all wanted to help, regardless of your opinion. I'm going to leave it a while before I try again, thanks.

I’m sorry OP that you’ve had bad news.

Maybe try getting them to night time only. That would be a massive move forward and then in due course try again to get rid completely.

I’d also only have a limited number so you know where they are and control their use.

Good luck

So a woman is struggling to parent (as we all do sometimes!), and receives devastating news, and people... call her pathetic and weak?

Why do people get such a thrill out of being superior and judgemental? Could it be that they are afraid they might not be quite perfect themselves?

It is obvious that OP needs to get rid of the dummies - she knows, we know. Restating that (and being horrible) isn't helping anyone.

I’m not sure saying it’s ok to let your child have dental problems is the answer though?

I think what people are reacting to is op saying she won’t try again soon

I also think it could be because some don't believe the devastating news is true

@Onceuponatimethen

I’m not sure saying it’s ok to let your child have dental problems is the answer though?

I don't think anyone is saying this is ok? I haven't seen that anywhere.

The OP has now reduced the dummy to sleeping time only, which is a big improvement. I'm not saying it's good or ok, I'm just saying that it would be more helpful (understatement!) to offer advice, kindness and understanding than scorn and nasty words. Especially when she has said that her family are going through something very difficult.

Some posters have been helpful tbf, but I've been shocked at some of the responses here - and I've been on Mumsnet for a long time (new username). It isn't even AIBU!

@Raaaa

I also think it could be because some don't believe the devastating news is true

Not sure why she would bother lying about this?

Surely if she was going to lie she could just say the dummies were all gone, sorted!

But why go to the bother of posting a lie on here? Surely the easier thing to do is hide the thread and not update, rather than updating and inviting responce.

I do think its ridiculous that all the hard work has been for nothing, both yours and your daughters. Try letting her having her dummies in her room only, but you'd need to he strict with her. I kinda think you wont do that though......

OP. I am so sorry for your bad news. I do get that when you are under immense pressure things can slide.
Be kind to yourself.
Be kind to your daughter too. I am not being mean but the sooner you do this the better for all of you.
Honestly she has learned from this experience and what she has learned is that crying, tantruming, screaming will eventually get her what she wants. This isn't good for her, you, your husband or your other children it helps no-one and serves no purpose. I understand that you feel you can't deal with this at the moment but the longer it is left the worse it will be. Come back when you are ready or PM me if you like and I will listen and see what I can come up with for you moving forward. Take care. 💐

Why on earth didn't you get rid of all the dummies?
What a waste of time. Your poor dd's teeth.