Getting rid of the dummy for a nearly 6 year old

[Totallyawinetaster]

Hi all, I need some advice on how to get rid of my nearly 6 year old DD's dummy. We have tried everything to convince her to give it up and nothing has worked. I know she's really old to still be having a dummy, but now she is so attracted to it that she won't even consider giving it up.

We've been through the dummy fairy, giving it to Santa, the Easter Bunny taking it, we've read all the books, tried bribery, threats, we've lost it, forgot it going on holiday, everything. You name it we've tried it. Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy.

Part of me wants to believe that she'll stop using it on her own, but I can't see it anytime soon. Does anyone have any advice?

Definitely don’t give it back op

I think what might help is talking a bit about coping with feelings. There are some really good age appropriate resources for this

Eg colour monster book, sitting still like a frog children’s mindfulness book which has a cd to listen to

Also maybe establish a new comforting bedtime routine - new bed linen, a story audio book, a teddy or something else?

Just quickly popping by to check on you all. You are all doing amazing.
Do you by any chance have a parent or very close relative or family friend that she is close to ?
If so ask them if they could buy her a small packet of sparkly stickers (in my experience little girls love these) and write a very short note only saying that mummy has told them that she isn't having a dummy and they are so proud of her. Ask them to post it to her.
She will be thrilled to get a letter and the stickers and will feel that someone else is pleased with her. Dont mention the letter until it arrives.
Make sure she knows how proud of her you and her dad and siblings are.
Come back when you need us. We are all rooting for you. 💐

Keep going, it will take a little longer because of her age, but she will get used to not having them. If you give in now she will learn that all she has to is keep going and she will get her own way - will be hell as a teenager

Stick with it. She will get over it. I bribed my DD with a toy when she was about 4.5yrs. Could you arrange a treat for her? A day out somewhere or to buy a new movie or something really special as a reward. I think that might be good as a distraction. So when she wakes up there's something to look forward to. Or a toy she really wanted. Also don't go on about being 'too old' or a 'big girl' now because she doesn't feel like that inside and it just makes it seem you don't understand. Just keep going with it.
My daughter remembers her dummies but she understands now that she's a teenager!!

I also agree that you should not give in next time. The worst of this will be over at most in probably a week or two. If you give in next time all you have done is taught her to wake repeatedly and tantrum to get her way. I also agree its cruel to her as she becomes anxious about when it is going ro happen next.

I think the letter from someone is a brilliant idea. Along with lots of praise for not using one. Hold on OP, not long to go now.

OP you are doing brilliantly.

Whatever you do now, do NOT cave- you don't want her to learn that if she kicks off for 2 days then she gets her own way, in any argument!

You can do this.

If you give in now after all the trauma of the past two days then you really will be sunk. She’ll have learned that if she really, really tantrums hard enough, you’ll give her whatever she wants. And it won’t stop at dummies if she triumphs here.

I’m reading this thread in amazement. Her teeth and speech must be knackered.

Tbh OP the guilt you should be feeling at letting her continue should be enough for you to never let her go back.

You are feeling guilty after her saying she doesn't know how to sleep without it. I think you should tell her that she will soon learn to sleep without it, and apologise to her for not helping her to lose the habit sooner. You can sympathise with her that it will get better, but if you give in now after two nights it will be even more traumatic for her next time. And there will have to be a next time.

Remind yourself that it is for her benefit.

I love the idea of a letter and gift from someone close to her. She'll know that you're proud of her and have told others of your pride.
You've done so well. As has she. Don't give up now, each hour she is without a dummy is an hour closer to not thinking about wanting a dummy.

You've done the hardest part now. How about a special treat as a sign of how proud you are of her?

What about a special big girl treat for doing so well? Staying up a little bit later with you watching a film, letting her chose a takeaway or a little pamper night you could curl her hair paint her nails, making her feel grown up might help ease the pain of no dummy.

Hello, You are the parent. Being a parent means making choices. If you can't (won't in this case) make the effort to do this FOR your child then god knows what the rest of your parenting is like. Sorry but this enrages me. Parents who parent badly, know they are doing so and then wonder why they get the outcomes they get. Put the dummy in the bin. The end.

I would see if you can give her a reward already doing without the dummy at least she can then see she has gained something at the moment she will see she has lost her dummy..

But yes this really is going to get easier.

Hi @Totallyawinetaster.
How's it going tonight ?

I really hope that the silence on this thread from the OP doesnt mean she caved...

Sorry for my silence on here. Yesterday we received some pretty bed personal news, that's left us all a bit shaken. None of us we're in a particularly good place mentally, and the dummy sort of fell to the back of my mind.

So when DD found a dummy yesterday afternoon, and begged that we let her keep it, we agreed that she could use it for sleeping as long as it stayed in her bedroom. I really wasn't up for the fight.

I know a lot of you won't be happy with this, but at the moment the dummy is not a priority. Time like this really make you reconsider your priorities.

Thank you for all the support everyone, I know you all wanted to help, regardless of your opinion. I'm going to leave it a while before I try again, thanks.

Ridiculous

Really sorry for your news op, but this decision is not putting your dd first.

Putting our children first means doing what is right for them and their dental health as advised by medical professionals.

Op im sorry you've had some bad news but why would you let that happen and undo all the hard work you've already done??

I suspect you quite like pretending your 6yo is still a little baby....

Ah that's a shame, it's going to be a hell of a lot harder next time

The message you are sending your dd op is that the more she shouts and tantrums the more she wins. I’m sure she’s the loveliest little girl but even the nicest children will not benefit from that kind of parenting

So all that hard work was for nothing and your going to have to start from scratch again.
I'm sorry you had bad news but you still needed to continue this, for your daughters best interest.

Sorry for your news but you have just undone all those hours and days of pain and tantrums. You’ve done your DD a real disservice, she now has had it reaffirmed that if she keeps going for long enough, that you will cave and she will get her own way. You’re in for years of nonsense now; good luck, you’ll need it!

Honestly I have every sympathy for you receiving bad news and how that can make you lose the will to fight but to be honest it seems like there will always be a reason/excuse. Would you let your daughter play with knives/matches if she tantrums? No you wouldnt this is the same thing it is damaging to her health.