Getting rid of the dummy for a nearly 6 year old

[Totallyawinetaster]

Hi all, I need some advice on how to get rid of my nearly 6 year old DD's dummy. We have tried everything to convince her to give it up and nothing has worked. I know she's really old to still be having a dummy, but now she is so attracted to it that she won't even consider giving it up.

We've been through the dummy fairy, giving it to Santa, the Easter Bunny taking it, we've read all the books, tried bribery, threats, we've lost it, forgot it going on holiday, everything. You name it we've tried it. Everytime it ends in a fit of crying and screaming, and she ends up with the dummy.

Part of me wants to believe that she'll stop using it on her own, but I can't see it anytime soon. Does anyone have any advice?

None of us are perfect parents, well done op. You're tackling it now, that's the main thing.
At least at her age you can explain that a dummy will damage her teeth so you can't give it to her. It doesn't stop you sympathising with her loss though (without giving her the dummy!) just as adults appreciate support when they have to give up something that's damaging, like cigarettes or booze or whatever. It'll help her to know you're on her side.

Christ- lazy parenting.🤦🏼‍♀️

Well done OP, stay strong!

She’ll be tired and even grumpier for it. Early night called for I think, especially to allow time for likely further tantrum at bedtime. Hang in there!

I've tried binning them before, but she throws the most almighty tantrum, and I always give in.

Then the problem is not your dd OP...the problem is you! You need to bin it and STICK TO YOUR DECISION. She throws a tantrum because she knows it works...children ONLY continue behaviours that work for them. You need to hold firm!! It will be hell...but it has to be done. Otherwise don't bother!!

And "she's my last baby"?? 😮 she is not a baby OP. That attitude needs to stop!

Well done for sticking to it! It's normal for her to be in a bad mood after her main source of comfort has been taken. But she will soon learn to find comfort in other things and the mood will improve!

Update
Another hard day we're having the same bedtime drama, but she's more tired tonight, so fingers crossed for less of a fight. I'm not sure I can handle another night like the last one.

Keep going, you are doing brilliantly!!

I'm not sure I can handle another night like the last one.

You have to keep in mind, that this isn’t actually about you. It’s about making the best decision for you child’s oral health. Stick at it. It will get easier. If you give up after only a couple of days, you may hope you have no worse challenges to face with your children. Good luck.

@Totallyawinetaster it does get easier, you're doing so well and your dd will thank you for it one day.

Does she have any other comforter? My dd has her baby cot blanket, she's dragged it around since about 6 months old but slowly stopped taking it out (thank goodness as it's massive!) and now only has it to sleep but it solves most upsets. Was a life saver when we ditched the dummies!

You absolutely can handle it! You did it last night, you didn't give in and everything was fine. If you give in now, yesterday will have all been for nothing. She's fine, she's safe, she's just cross because you aren't behaving as you normally would (giving in) Keep it up, you can do it!

You have to remain strong. This is unfortunately your comeuppance for your incredibly weak parenting of not dealing with this before.

Do not give in. You’ll be right back where you started.

You’ve come so far!!!

You can totally do this op

Usually night one is terrible, night 2 not easy and after night 3 you are all set!

I'm not sure I can handle another night like the last one.

OP you have to handle it.

You're in this position now because you kept giving in.

If you give up now it's going to be even worse because she knows you will always break before she does.

That's an issue beyond dummies. You're teaching her that she's in control if she behaves badly enough.

You can and absolutely must see this through now.

NO MORE DUMMIES!!!!

I have just done this with my 5 year old, it was REALLY hard the first week! We are 4 weeks in now, and she’s still struggling to sleep without it. However, she’s stopped asking for it now.

Stick with it x

@Totallyawinetaster how is it going this evening?

On another thread a poster said that they gave their child an ‘invisible dummy’ and their child pretended to take and use it in place of the binned real one. Might be worth a go!

I'm not sure I can handle another night like the last one.

Well you have to!! Tonight, tomorrow and maybe another one and then it's done forever and you've stepped up to stop your daughter having a habit she's much too old for that is harmful to her.

Being a parent is about protecting your child in life, sometimes that means doing what makes them tantrum in the short term for their benefit in the long term.

You'll have to do it at some point anyway and if you give up you've wasted all the effort you made last night.

Seriously - tonight and another couple and it's done forever. By the end of the weekend you can just move on. Maybe tell her if she's good tonight and tomorrow night she can have a special treat at the weekend, but not if she has a tantrum.

Wow whilst I understand parents and some dentists arent keen on dummies or thumbs I am really surprised there aren’t more parents admitting their kids had a dummy much later.

One of mine had his until he was 13. Obviously just at night.
Perfect teeth and speech
No braces.
No social issues (didn’t take it for sleepovers etc)
His brothers who had no dummy or sucked thumbs did need braces

Dentist said it wasn’t the end of the world and considerably less of an issue than thumb sucking.

Bugger off with the lazy parenting snipes. So unnecessary. Op is doing her best. Ffs

Does it help to think about how staying strong makes you a kinder, more loving parent and giving in is actually cruel??

Try this:

If you cave now all that upset and distress you have caused her will have been for nothing, absolutely nothing.

All those tears, yelling, sobbing. For nothing.

All that genuine despair at not having what she needed to sleep. For nothing.

You have basically tortured her for no reason.

Therefore, you HAVE to push through until the translation is done otherwise you have deliberately caused her emotional pain for no reason.

Same as you saying this has beeen going on for 2 years . That's 2 years where at any point she was thinking oh no they might take this away from me now. When instead you could have just done it in a week and saved her 2 years of anxiety....

A few nights and grumpy days of this and it'll be done. Remind her how well she has done. If you give in you'll only have to start again and it'll get worse each time as she knows you'll give in the more she tantrums. Your doing so well!

@totallyawinetaster. Stick with it OP.
You can do this. We've got you. 💐
Bit surprised to find a 3 year old up at this hour but one step at a time eh ?