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Original poster

Has anyone (secretly) regretted having a third child?

73 replies

hermionegrangerat34 · 24/09/2007 11:14

WE have 2 lovely boys and had always planned to only have two. However, both dh and I keep getting broody! ON the one hand, having another seems nuts. On the other, we keep looking at them (especially when they are asleep, it has to be said!) and feeling that somehow there ought to be another one there. It would be a stretch financially but we could actually afford it just, and we have room. Most people I know with 3 (and they all have 3 boys, so I assume that I'd have another boy!) like it, but a couple have said it is horrendous going from 2 to 3 and tehy wish in retrospect they'd stuck at 2 (not that they don't love the third). Can I gather mumsnet wisdom please??

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FoghornLeghorn · 24/09/2007 11:15

I have just started a very similar thread hermione

FWIW, everyone I have spoken to says going from 1 to 2 is the hardest stepping stone, any more after that is supposed to be a doddle

Gobbledigook · 24/09/2007 11:16

I have 3 boys aged 6, 4 and 3 and I wouldn't change it for the world. It's manic, it's busy, it's loud - and it's fab!

Rosylily · 24/09/2007 11:26

I had my fourth child and 3rd boy 6 months ago and it's been fine, I'm totally delighted. He wasn't planned because I thought I wouldn't be able to cope with another but it's been a breeze. Go for it I say!

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elesbells · 24/09/2007 11:27

going from 1-2 was the hardest for me too.

i have three girls 18, 16 and 18 months so im now at the stage where im thinking do i have another for the baby so that she isnt alone? she will effectivly grow up an only child if i dont. but tbh the thought of going from 1-2 again is scary

Fennel · 24/09/2007 11:31

I have had moments of regretting a 3rd yes. She's utterly adorable but it did change our family and lifestyle more than I'd anticipated.

Probably I would still have a 3rd but I am very aware of how it's limited us rather - in terms of career, what sort of holidays we go on (with 3 very young children it all seemed too much effort to bother doing anything), arranging childcare (we don't have anyone who's begging to look after all 3 for the weekend), etc.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 24/09/2007 11:31

My third really wasn't planned (Had merina coil fitted and still managed to get pg )I had two boys already, and DD was actually a lovely addition. I do have rather large gaps between all of mine mind you, so having a baby around again has been a bit of a shock to the system.

Her older brothers adore her (and are annoyed by her sometimes), and it is nice to have another female in the house (even if it is a 1 year old who is the minxiest minx in the whole of minxdom)

bagpuss · 24/09/2007 11:38

Mostly don't regret three but agree with what Fennel said.

geekgirl · 24/09/2007 11:42

I also agree with Fennel, love having 3 most of the time but there have been occasional pangs of regret.
It did actually seem like a reasonably big step in terms of stress etc., and nothing is geared towards families with 3 - pckage holidays for example are completely out of the question.

Mine are close in age, and during ds's (my youngest) first year I felt extremely low with stress and sleep deprivation.

noonar · 24/09/2007 11:46

am reading this with interest as am facing a similar dilemma myself. have also started a thread...about whether to take the plunge when life is starting to get a bit easier.

i have dds aged 3 and 5, and, like fennel have considered how it will change our lives in terms of holidays, being able to go out for meals, to theatre etc etc. very shallow, i know, but when i had my pfb i found it really hard that i suddenly couldnt go out for a coffee without her screaming the place down (boy, was she a screamer!)

i'd secretly like another, but not sure i want all the limitations that go with the screaming nappy phase.

dont mean to sound negative, btw
in fact, as dont even have 3, am prob being a bit cheeky, posting here!

Hassled · 24/09/2007 11:49

No, never - if anything DC3 (DS2) was the greatest joy as a baby. With DS1 I was young and clueless, scared silly about every little thing. With DD - less than 2 years later - I was just struggling to keep my head above water and get through a day. With DS2, I was older, more mature, more confident, more relaxed and could just actually enjoy him. Number 4, though...that's a whole different story .

Celery · 24/09/2007 11:53

Not regret, he's adorable and we love him. I do however often feel resentful about the fact I have so many mundane chores to do, and lack of time to do anything else. I found going from 1-2 very easy, and going from 2-3 very hard.

noonar · 24/09/2007 11:55

celery, what ages are they?

peanutbear · 24/09/2007 11:57

I found going from 1-2 easy but 2-3 is harder work wouldnt change it for the world though

Celery · 24/09/2007 12:10

They are now 18 months, nearly 4 and nearly 7. It's getting a bit easier now.

noonar · 24/09/2007 12:20

ah. mine would be 4 and if we have no. 3 soon.

Eulalia · 24/09/2007 12:21

Found it harder going from 2-3, sometimes when I did see ds1 and dd together I did think, why did I spoil that symmetry? Am only just feeling as if I am getting my life back now after 2 years - everything seems to be a complete muddle and for some reason seem to have much more washing, cooking etc to do which doesn't really make sense. Having said all that my 3rd child is absolutely charming and was easy as a baby.

krabbiepatty · 24/09/2007 12:24

I feel like it was harder than going from 1 to 2 but that may be because Nos 1 and 2 were out of toddlerhood by the time 3 came along. I suspect it has much to do with timing. But no regrets at all.

sarahhal · 24/09/2007 12:25

Oh these threads about a third child - it's niggling away at the back of my mind and won't go away!!! Financially it would be tough but I can't get rid of the thought ...

ptangyangkipperbang · 24/09/2007 12:32

I thought going from 0 to 1 was the really hard bit . We now have 3 boys ages 9,7 and 3. I think the age gap made having a 3rd so easy. The eldest was at school and the middle one at nursery every morning when I had DS3. I felt the only thing I had to achieve on a daily basis was getting the boys to school for 9am and remembering to pick them up later - anything else was a bonus!
I ridiculed my husband when he used to say that everything is aimed at the traditional nuclear family, but he's right. Holidays, days out (family tickets), tables in a restaurant are all aimed at a family of 4. However, it is the best thing we ever did. Having DS3 made the family feel 'complete'.

Original poster

hermionegrangerat34 · 24/09/2007 12:42

I get the impression, from here and from conversations I've had, that there are broadly two types of parents (oversimplifying massively!!). If you found going from 0 to 1 horrendous, then going from 1 to 2 was easy. If your first fitted in really easily then the jump from 1 to 2 was when all the things hit home that got some of us the first time round! I'm trying to work out how that then works with the 2 to 3 thing...
I suspect I'll be like Fennel and others, often quite ped off about the hassle of a third but basically pleased. Actually, frankly I'm often quite ped off about the hassle of kids at all
But I think we'll probably go for it...

OP posts:

MorocconOil · 24/09/2007 12:46

I have occasional moments when I am struggling to get the DSs to do their reading and homework and DD(2) is climbing on me, or stealing their books, pen etc when I think this is too hard, how can I carry on?

However when I see them all cuddled up together on the sofa, or overhear them talking proudly to someone about'my little sister' or 'my big brother' it all seems so right.

Go for it Hermione. Once you have the feeling the family's not complete, it doesn't go away untill you have your third baby.

ledodgy · 24/09/2007 12:47

I shouldn't have clicked on this thread as I am pregnant with no.3. I'm looking forward to it although I'm going to have a very expensive year when they turn 21, 18 and 16 respectively! It will also be a stressful year if they stay on in education as they'll go through GCSES, ALevels and finals at the same time!

Piffle · 24/09/2007 12:52

3rd here has been the easiest but I have large age gaps
ds1 is 13
dd is 5
ds2 is 6 mths

although as ds2 was singing in bed for 2 hrs between 4-6am I did wonder if I was quite mad

NAB3 · 24/09/2007 12:57

Going from 2 to 3 was harder for me than 1 to 2 but I think that may have been due to what was going on at the time, and the fact they are all still quite little.

I don't regret having number 3 as I just couldn't be without him and whenever I imagine just having 2, there is always something missing.

I wish I could have another 2.

I DS1 is 6, DD who is 4 and DS2 who is 2.

frazzledazzle · 24/09/2007 13:30

I've got 3 dcs.
I've found it hard going from 2 to 3 with regards to the workload and some days it's a bit overwhelming but mine are all still small.
ds1 3
ds2 23 months
dd 17 weeks

DD has fitted in really well though and I'm so glad we had her and I've honestly never regretted having her.I'd have regretted not having another child more I think

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