Has anyone (secretly) regretted having a third child?

[hermionegrangerat34]

WE have 2 lovely boys and had always planned to only have two. However, both dh and I keep getting broody! ON the one hand, having another seems nuts. On the other, we keep looking at them (especially when they are asleep, it has to be said!) and feeling that somehow there ought to be another one there. It would be a stretch financially but we could actually afford it just, and we have room. Most people I know with 3 (and they all have 3 boys, so I assume that I'd have another boy!) like it, but a couple have said it is horrendous going from 2 to 3 and tehy wish in retrospect they'd stuck at 2 (not that they don't love the third). Can I gather mumsnet wisdom please??

I think having a bigger age gap between 2 and 3 would make it easier. DD was just over 2, and I found the toddler/baby combination tough.

And yes, nothing cures broodiness except another baby. Nothing anyone said would have stopped me longing for a third baby, but just for the record, the third baby well and truely cured my broodiness!

no love it
as ds2 said

" ds3 makes life more excitign"

Absolutely love it, but was much harder going 2 to 3 than 1 to 2, I had to do school run and nursery run with a newborn, and all the after school clubs.

I felt just the same like there was one missing just someone waiting in the wings but I dont get that anymore and not cos I am unhappy with my lot, i am jsut full up.

In some way yes. I love DS~2 so much. He's perfect and the kind of personality that makes everyone smile. But we are broke to the extent that the first time in my life I would describe myself as really short of money permanently, knackered, less time and energy for the older DCs, I get crosser with all the kids. And we really will need to move house at some point soon and I can't see how we can afford it.

But if he hadn't been born our lives would have been poorer in so many ways.

I love having 3 and happily have more if dh would but we agreed to no more and he had a vasectomy. I found going from none to one the hardest.

I have a girl and two boys and love it. Girl is 5.7, boy 3.11 and boy 8 months.

We have 3 and it's far far harder than I thought it would be. Partly that's down to the children we have though. 3 ds2's would be a doddle!

arse. Will you all STOP it with these threads about third chldren

can i hijack and ask if you've ever felt your older ones suffered due to suddenly having less attention?

my dds would be 6 and 4.

dh thinks they'd suffer. and actually, we'd all suffer.

i think the girls would really benefit. they love babies and i have this rose- tinted notion that they'd be like mini mummies! (am i mad?)

ds2 yes because he has a severelu autistic elder brother and incredibly stroppy younger brother, but once they're at school I'm not sure it makes that much difference. ds2 gets a lot out of his relationship with ds3 as well though- ds1 too, he really seems to find ds3 quite funny.

Part of the difficulties is that ds3 is ecxeptionally strong willed - fitting another ds2 in would have been a doddle.

noonar - truthfully yes. They gain too from having a LO about and they love him to bits, but they have actually told me that life was better before DS#2 was born . And I put it down 100% to the fact that DH and I are different parents now - much less patient with them. But not all parents are like that, not all children are like that.

noonar, I spent a fair bit of dd3's first year feeling guilty because I adored her so much and barely cared about the other two (who were 4 and 2 at the time). In fact I still feel guilty about that, dd3 still gets the bulk of my attention and she's 3 now.

noonar I asked my 6 year old this. I asked him if it was worth less attention to have his brother and he said yes.

I have even been told off by DD for babying DS#2.

dd1 and dd2 would both like another baby though (not a chance), and they both prefer dd3 to each other, so it can't be all bad from their perspective.

No regrets her - think ds2 makes the family feel "complete" in lots of ways - there is a biggish gap between dd and ds1 and I always think they might not be close as they grow older if it was just the two of them but ds2 seems to pull it all together (hard to explain really).

My only regret is that I will be extremely ancient before they are all finished primary school!

Noonar, DS2 who is now a middle child had to suddenly stop being the baby. He's still not over that 2 1/2 years later. He adores his little sister though and has asked if they can get married when they grow up

If we didn't have our third we would be doing more exciting activities like going to the climbing centre, swimming, kayaking etc. She tends to hold the boys back as she's too little for certain activities they are ready for.

I am struggling with my third. Mine are 4, 2.9 and 12 weeks. Tody I feel like crying because I am so tired and feel like I am not being a good enough mummy to any of them. I love all my children, but can't help feeling how easy my life would be now without my third. I seem to be in a constant state of disarray and exhaustion. I can't get the baby into a routine because of school and nursery drop offs and pick ups. Ds2 is very demanding and wants to be held and walked around alot. This is probably the wrong thread for this, but I didn't know where else to post it.

thanks for responses to my hijack

interesting reading xx

No wonder you are so tired Charlie. Have you got anyone who can help out?

big hugs, charlie xx

mimzan, i've caught myself thinking stuff like ' if we have a baby, i won't be able to ski for another X years'. have felt v shallow having this type of thought. but i guess thats what you're saying too.

Mmmm agree with mimizan about activities I suppose - hard to find things that are appropriate for all ages - the older ones would enjoy going to museums eg but ds2 would be bored still...

My dh does lots when he is back from work and my mum is usually near, but last week and this week she is away. I have great friends so I really shouldn't be complaining.
I just feel really low because I thought 12 weeks would be the magical get easier time and he has gone from waking once to waking 3 times.
I would add that without my baby there would be a hole in my life.

my second had 24 hour colic and its hard having a demanding baby again because by number 3 I thought I would have cracked it, yet friends with their first or second seem to have much more contented babies who sleep!!

CM, could you ask ask some of the other parents at the school/nursery to help with dropping off and picking up? I'm sure they'd be willing to help - even if it was just on rainy days to save dragging the baby out...

Charlie, it's impossible to predict how a new baby will behave, and it's no reflection on you. 12 weeks is still very, very early days.

Are there any groups you could go to after dropping your 4 year old at school? I just find my 2 1/2 year old is much easier in the afternoon if she's been active in the morning. It would give you a chance to chat to other adults too.

It will get better once the baby becomes more settled and you get some sleep back

I feel embarressed now because my ds1 is being dropped off by a friend this week.

I know I have tons of support so why do I feel so crap?

I need hope that it will get easier that one day (soo) my baby will be happy being awake and not feeding or being held whilst I stand up. Am I expecting too much? I've lost a sense of reality and what can be reasonably expected from a 12 week old. But its hard when my other 2 want my time to and ds2 wants to be held all the time.

PS. I know this is the wrong thread for this conversation. My apologies everything has got on top of me today.