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Parenting

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Original poster

Has anyone (secretly) regretted having a third child?

73 replies

hermionegrangerat34 · 24/09/2007 11:14

WE have 2 lovely boys and had always planned to only have two. However, both dh and I keep getting broody! ON the one hand, having another seems nuts. On the other, we keep looking at them (especially when they are asleep, it has to be said!) and feeling that somehow there ought to be another one there. It would be a stretch financially but we could actually afford it just, and we have room. Most people I know with 3 (and they all have 3 boys, so I assume that I'd have another boy!) like it, but a couple have said it is horrendous going from 2 to 3 and tehy wish in retrospect they'd stuck at 2 (not that they don't love the third). Can I gather mumsnet wisdom please??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

charliemama · 24/09/2007 14:31

meant to type (soon)

Fennel · 24/09/2007 14:31

Charliemama, mine were those ages, and I do remember the chaos of getting to pre-school with them all. Having to rush to school without changing dd3's nappy or feeding her, and then the teacher asking to hold her and passing her back with a look of disgust at her damp smelliness

And the utter grimness of our family camping holiday when dd3 was 3 months old haunts my dreams still...

It definitely does get better from that point.

MorocconOil · 24/09/2007 14:38

Charlie, every mother has moments like those you are describing. They can pass as quickly as they come and it is easy to forget you have ever felt this way.

Your children are all at very demanding stages, and if you weren't finding it difficult, then you wouldn't be normal.

Don't feel inadequate for asking for help. As KT says people genuinely like to help out others, and it is hardly much to ask someone to drop your 4 year old off when they are doing the journey anyway.

As for this not being the right thread , I think it's good for people to see the reality of some aspects of having a third child. It isn't all a bed of roses.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

hermionegrangerat34 · 24/09/2007 14:39

Thanks, Charliemama, for bringing a dose of reality to the picnic!! That's what worries me... This is how I felt with my ds1, actually I worked out I was depressed when it stopped, but it was horrendous. The gap you have is quite small (to me), so I guess that doesn't help. I seem to remember hazily that the first 6 months is just chaos...but of course the problem is that bigger ones still need to be at school on time. Grr!
Mine would be about 7.5 and 3.5 when I had another if i went for it and it worked out as I planned (which it did with the first two, with military precision, though of course I'm a bit older now!).

OP posts:

gess · 24/09/2007 14:44

charlie can you farm your children out separately, or get more help in. I find all 3 impossible for more than a morning as ds1 and ds3 need full time (separate) attention and then ds2 just gets completely ignored. Without extra hands it's impossible and no-one gets anything worthwhile.

stressteddy · 24/09/2007 14:48

Here's someting to think about - I have a theory (yes, another stressteddy theory - will they never end??) Anyway, I think that your 1st and 3rd (and 5th) children are generally quite alike in personality. Your 2nd and 4th would be quite alike too. So, if your first child was a handful and not the calm sort then your third would be quite similar to that. However, if your first was calm and a good sleeper etc, then your third will be too
Might help the decision process
As ever, please do feel free to pooh - pooh stresteddy's theory anyone!!

gess · 24/09/2007 14:51

Nope. DS1 and ds2 very laid back (despite ds1's severe autism- which means he;s often causing chaos- his underlying personality is to chill- and he was the world's easiest baby). DS3 is an absolute nightmare. He is my grandmother reincarnated. If he'd been my 2nd I probably wouldn't have had more (mind you if I'd known ds1 was severely autistic I probably wouldn;t have had ds2 let alone ds3)

NotAnOtter · 24/09/2007 14:58

stressedteddy i beg to differ on that!

its early days but my 5 all come from very different places albeit the same gene pool

Original poster

hermionegrangerat34 · 24/09/2007 15:00

I hope not Stressteddy! Ds1 VERY hard work for the first couple of years - Ds2 a doddle. I want another one like that please!

OP posts:

MorocconOil · 24/09/2007 15:00

No, DS1 is quite highly strung. DS2 could also be described as quite emotional, and DD1 is very chilled and level headed(so far anyway, but it could all change)

charliemama · 24/09/2007 15:03

Thankyou everyone. It is nice to know people care and that I'm not the only one who struggles. I think I have a split personality when it comes to being a mum.

Personality 1 (sane and NOT sleep deprived): Knows that these days will pass (based on previous experience ie: 1st 2 seemed to grow up). Also knows that these feelings are normal and I am not the 1st or any where near the 1st mum to feel like this.

Personality 2 (knackered and probably a bit depressed) feels like everyone else can cope and I can't. Wants a life back. Wonders if this will ever end!

I find the 1st 3-6 months a nightmare so had all 3 close together because had a theory that it would be good idea to get it all out of the way. (Also Dh only has to look at me without contraception and I get pregnanat!)

NAB3 · 24/09/2007 18:59

DS1 would love me to have another baby.

DD definitely does not want another and isn't fussed about having a sister.

Ds2 is too young to care.

vacua · 24/09/2007 19:01

what a question! I had 2 planned children from my marriage and then a lovely surprise from an otherwise ill-advised liaison. Can't bring myself to say I regret her, but also couldn't honestly say I would go back and do it all again

geekgirl · 25/09/2007 07:29

stressteddy, your theory is correct in my case - dd1 and ds are both rather high maintenance and were dreadful sleepers as babies.
Dd2 - well, we often say we'd happily have 10 of her. she's so balanced and easy-going. (and she's the one with DS, supposedly the 'challenging child' )

unknownrebelbang · 25/09/2007 07:40

No 3 was a surprise (my term).

I love him and his brothers to bits, and I wouldn't change anything now, but as he was a surprise it took a bit of getting used to.

Workwise I'm probably doing exactly the same as I would have been doing with just two.

As a family unit, going from 1-2 was much harder than going from 2-3, but like others have said, there's no one begging to take three off your hands, cars can be an issue and holidays can be more difficult.

But no, I still wouldn't change a thing, they're all great lads with three completely different personalities.

OrmIrian · 25/09/2007 07:53

stressteddy - your theory hold good for mine. DD (middle child) is the one who works hard at school, gets herself sorted every morning with no help, takes responsibility for herself, helps out round the house (without being made to), is (almost) always unfailingly polite and helpful. No 1 and 2 ...erm....aren't

geekgirl · 25/09/2007 08:12

LOL OrmIrian, dd2 is also the only one who insists on tidying up her room before going to bed - the other two just completely trash it

unknownrebelbang · 25/09/2007 08:16

DS1 and DS3, although very different do share some traits.

They're also more physically alike (all three are very similar anyway).

3sEnough · 25/09/2007 08:22

Hi - I big time regretted the 3rd in the pregnancy and first year - it was utter hell!(Sorry to be so blunt) I had a very young, worried 4 yr old ds and a very jealous 2 yr old dd1. I still occasionally look back on 2 plus 2 holiday possibilities with quiet reflection - it would have been lovely. However - it's great having a bigger family - I have NO money, no time and absolutely no desire to go back to 2....the 3rd is fabulous and great and loads and loads of fun - they have their own little tribe and can effectively ignore me when I'm in a horrid mood - I like that!!

cloudberry · 25/09/2007 16:55

Ohh, wish I hadn't read this now! Our 3rd is due in April. Dd will be 3.4 and ds will be just 2. Whenever I tell anyone the 1st thing they say to me is " Are you completely mad?" Just great for a confidence boost. I just shrug and mutter something about "it'll be fine" between gritted teeth! It was planned and I found 1-2 really hard, ds was very high maintenance so I am seriously praying for truth in stressteddy's theory. I've heard it before somewhere so it'd GOT to be true ...!!

BeetrootBevan · 25/09/2007 16:57

I nver regretted having 3 or infact 4.

2 to 3 is easy peasy - well it was for me

wellnot easy peasy but not the schock of two.

Oh and I made sure I had loads of help after ds3 was born.

yes 3 boys (and a girl for number 4)

weeze4417 · 10/02/2016 04:54

@charliemama I know years has past and this is a long shot trying to contact you, but how are things going now? Are you happy you had 3 children?

Cld9 · 25/04/2019 19:06

Hi! I know I’m going back a long way but I wanted to find out if you went for it and if so, what was it like?! From reading your post I think I’m very similar to you. Thanks!

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