Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

@grumpyorange Sorry but there are benefits, there are also drawbacks such as possible PND and I would never expect someone to continue to breastfeed did it was causing them any distress. It's a really complex issue and research also suggests that breastfeeding can also protect against and lessen the affects of PND in some cases.

I do not believe there is anything wrong with bottle feeding, I do not judge anyone for doing it as it is there choice to which they are entitled. My only concern is with the culture around bottle feeding.

Yes I think for mums that are unable to breastfeed, this may be a contributing factor to pnd. Listening to most women’s experience on here it seems it definitely is.

I think if you do manage to breastfeed and have pnd, then studies have shown better outcomes. Successful Breastfeeding gives you a lower chance of developing pnd I believe. The link is complex and probably individual for each woman, I’m not sure any study can prove either way if there is a link between b/f or inability to b/f and pnd. I had trouble bonding with my baby both times, looking back if I’d been honest about how I was feeling I would probably have been diagnosed with pnd, certainly postnatal anxiety. I’m 100% certain breastfeeding helped me bond and alleviated A lot of my symptoms. Back to the thread, I don’t see any problem in letting a sibling feed their baby brother/sister A bottle for a few mins .

@Leah00 Thank you

I'm honestly not trying to upset anyone, as I've stated before I have no issues with formula feeding and know that breastfeeding isn't for everyone. I have a close friend who experienced PND, partly to do with her baby's awful latch and her bleeding nipples. She was in a state and encouraged her to not feel guilty about switching over to formula and she was a lot happier once she did.

Just go on the infant feeding board on here and look at the number of posts saying 'my baby is failing to thrive, the doctors have said to give him formula but I REALLY don't want to'. This is women that would see their baby hungry rather than give them a safe nutritious alternative.

I breastfed but I'm fed up of hearing the breastfeeding puritans on here go on and on about the health benefits, the bonding experience and how supermum it made them feel before ending with a token 'oh but I wouldn't judge someone for using formula'.

Maybe not explicitly but you've spent your whole post insinuating it.

I chose to bottle feed. The tone of your post is horrific, fyi! Glad I don't surround myself with people like you. What a sad old woman to think that way.

All the best! Off to bottle feed my happy healthy baby :)

@sqirrelfriends but you saying this would cause a mum to want to continue because of the idea that they have failed their baby if they stop.

Whilst I appreciate you are say you have no judgement you only have to read back your posts and imagine you are a struggling new mum who is suffering greatly with PND to realise how much of an affect they could have on them...

Thank you Wolfgirrl for putting it more clearly than I could. Well my Dtwins are finally sleeping so it’s time for me to do the same.

Just want to reiterate I was not spreading myths or whatever, just offering ideas as to what can lead mothers down the route to FF over BF

@Leah00
OP made a thread to moan about bottle feeding because she saw a picture of a baby being bottle fed. That's an overreaction.

And maybe I wouldn't take it personally if people qualified their statements more, but too many people are saying that breastfeeding is best (or even possible) no matter what and that simply is not true.

I felt more strongly about this when I was still trying to breastfeed directly, but as I'm lucky and able to express enough to feed my son I dont really have an active stake in the conversation except that I remember what it was like to be trying and unable to do it.
The same health visitor who told me pumping wouldn't be an alternative to breastfeeding also told me (essentially) that I should just resign myself to feeding my baby even though it was painful and difficult. In the year 2020. Its bollocks.

@grumpyorange When did I say they would have failed? Probably the controversial thing I said was that breastfeeding has benefits, it does and it has drawbacks too. Do you want me to to say formula is perfect and exactly as good as breastmilk?

I would't want anyones mental stat to be negatively affected but equally, does that mean that no one can ever be happy and proud of breastfeeding or talk about its benefits?

@NaviSprite, From a personal perspective for me it was hard enough knowing my son wasn't well and had to go to NICU. I felt like I'd failed from the start because I was unable to give him the care he needed to survive (I know that wasn't the case and it wasn't my fault but it didn't stop me feeling like it at the time). I don't need to be made feel like I couldn't bond or haven't bonded as well because of it now (4 and a half years later).
I chose to formula feed because I wanted to, and yes I was fortunate enough to be able to give him his first bottle before he was taken to NICU (fully appreciate some don't get that chance and am grateful I did). And yes we did still get to give him some milk from a bottle, but he was mostly tube fed for the first few days, which again made me feel useless because I couldn't even give him a bottle. I didn't get to choose how he was fed at the very beginning which is extremely difficult. But I know I bonded with him without breastfeeding or even bottle feeding to start. I know my husband bonded as well.
But as you say it's often overlooked when someone says they couldn't feed their baby by breast or bottle. Also I'm sorry for what you had to go through.

@sqirrelfriends you don't need to understand why someone chooses not to. It's not your business. I don't understand why some parents do many things, and there's things that parents do that personally I don't like, agree with or understand. But it's their choice not mine, so I keep out of it.

@happymummy12345 I don't care how people feed their kids , I wouldn't choose formula myself but that's my decision. As I've said 5000 times I don't understand why FF is the default, no issue with formula itself.

I think you started this thread to shit stir, they're so teedious, and as soon as one thread dies down another one like this rears its ugly head. For anyone that has had a baby in the last few years, you'll probably know that HCPs berate FFing, don't support you with it at all, and even if you're in pieces at an appointment as your baby isn't putting weight on, all you hear is breast is best.

Right.... thought this weren’t about breastfeeding

think you started this thread to shit stir, they're so teedious, and as soon as one thread dies down another one like this rears its ugly head

Yep, on the ball!

You've leapt to judge the photo very quickly. All my kids were ebf, but my eldest was desperate to feed the new baby, so I expressed some milk, stuck it in a bottle and took a picture of him feeding her. No formula involved.

I really hope you took this issue up with your ex colleague OP, does she know you started a thread on a different site to share her information and judge her personal choices that she made probably for reasons that you failed to ask, and just thought you could stir the pot on a different site with someone else's info

I think you should mind your own business. It has nothing to do with you. You decide how and who can feed your baby. Leave others to their own babies. You are very judgemental.

@Lostvoiced She moaned about bottle feeling culture, not bottle feeding

I do think that more soaps etc should do breast feeding, just normalise breastfeeding more

How judgemental. As long as the baby is fed who cares how and who by.

@happymummy12345 Came back for this - absolutely, the feeling of failure can take a long time to overcome when your baby is poorly and especially when your role is changed by the environment of NICU. I’m so sorry you had to go through it too

In fact it has been noted many parents suffer with a form of PTSD afterwards.

It took two months for my twins to be strong enough to even attempt bottle feeding, by then my paltry supply of breast milk had dried up. I was pumping blood.

I got some very snide comments from some of the NICU nurses (thankfully they were minority) about why I must persist and I too already felt like a failure. My twins were born very premature at 720 grams (DD) and 980 grams (DS). Without the care given by multiple valuable nurses and doctors they wouldn’t be here.

Without specialist formula to gain weight I wouldn’t have been able to bring them home when I did.

Like you, I know I bonded with them the moment I saw them, the first time and multiple times since that I held them, first when they were in their incubators so one hand on their tiny head and one resting on their bum. Then when I was able to actually cuddle them. Sing to them, talk to them, read to them and so on.

When broad strokes are applied to the debate between formula and breastfeeding, such as this supposed magical bond only offered by the latter, I feel that information regarding oxcytocin and how this is generated and it’s relationship to, well, relationships as well as mental well-being and memory recall, is vital. It saved me at that time from my obsessive fear that my ‘failure’ to have my babies thrive in womb and be delivered on time at a better weight - would mean our bond would be forever altered.

I know that every decision I have made around the care of my twins has thus far brought them further, quicker than any of the Paediatrician’s predicted. As with you, I know I have my precious bond with them as well. How they were fed has little impact to the many other ways we interact with our babies, toddlers, children etc. in forming that bond.

You might be on to something about the bonding OP. My middle child was bottle fed. Sometimes his older brother “helped” (aka put his hand on the bottle for 30 seconds). Now at the age of 8 the bottle fed child can hardly pick me out of a line up, and regularly calls his older brother “mum”.....

Not everybody wants to be glued to a sofa with a baby hanging from their nipple, it is exhausting, isolating and sore, and in this day and age it just does not need to happen.

I just don't understand how you can see a picture of a toddler bonding with their new sibling, clearly happy and full of love, and see it as a complete disregard to every single breastfeeding mother out there.

The baby is being fed. The sibling is happy to help out. Parents clearly have no issue with what is happening, so why are you so riled up by it?

I breastfed but Also expressed and gave both ds bottles as well ( frowned on by midwife but tough )so sometimes my husband could help if I was having a rough night or needed a break or someone else was looking after , my oldest dd was practically glued to me the first year so
Don't think others occasionally giving him a bottle ruined our bonding
Anyway how I see it happy mum makes a more contended baby wether breastfed , bottle fed or mixed fed . Parents decision and no one else business