Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

I don't think anybody can realistically dispute breast is best for baby.

However, how another mother chooses to feed her baby is none of my business.

I will be breastfeeding my third baby until hopefully she is at least three. My baby, my choice so her baby, her choice in exactly the same way.

hanging off their nipple , isolating and sore, in this day and age it doesn't need to happen plus lots of other comments about breast feeding. Why do you think it's ok ok to talk about breast feeding in this negative way?

I couldn't breastfeed my son even though I tried my hardest. He was in NICU after he was born and was tube fed for the first week and a half of his life. This had a huge impact on me and probably the stress levels because of him being so poorly had a huge impact on my ability to breastfeed him.
Your comment is quite sad tbh, you are overreacting and judgemental. Comments like yours made me feel unworthy when I had my son.

Lifematters this debate isn't about cases like yours. You really couldn't help not being able to breastfeed.

OMG I have just read your latest post. Are you for real OP?? How on Earth you can be so judgemental?
I'm glad I don't know you in real life. You should be ashamed of yourself. Disgraceful! 😡

@Abbccc you are right, I couldn't help it but people don't know that when they see you bottle feeding your baby and people like OP would jump to conclusions and make you feel horrible.

For what it's worth, I completely agree with you OP.

Don't worry about those people LifeMatters. No matter how you feed your baby there's someone that doesn't approve. If your baby had been breast fed there would have been other people judging and making you feel horrible for breast feeding.

I hate photos like that too OP - newborns being used a props for cute photos with other small children irks me. I also agree that breastfeeding is not seen as normal, which is a terrible shame - particulatly the reaction to celebs posting about it on SM. Although personally, I've never had any issues with bfing in public. I've no doubt some people might have had a few thoughts about a tall 3yo on the breast still, but I honestly couldn't care less.

But I can't agree with what you've said about bonding. I ebfd (ending up bfing ds for nearly 4 years), so no one else ever got to feed him. He still has lovely bonds with other people.

I'm breastfeeding but it doesn't bother me in the slightest how others feed their baby . The only thing I do sort of agree on is point 3. When DD3 was newborn I was feeding her in public and DD1 who was 5 at the time said something like 'don't you think you should wait until we get home to feed her, people are staring at us'. Have no idea where it came from.

Wow. Way to make mums feel even more judged than they do already.

I formula feed because I was unable to breastfeed. I don’t wear that as a sign on my head, so you can’t distinguish between who had no choice and who chose to formula feed. And also whether it’s even formula in the bottle. And even if you could, why is it any of your business!? It’s not baby paraphernalia, is baby essentials.

My baby is happy and healthy. That is all that matters. Daddy can feed baby, mummy can get some sleep (it’s been a massive help to my MH) and mummy can also go back to work when she needs to.

Women have a right to choose how they feed their baby, even if that disagrees with your ‘fundamental beliefs’. No one should be judged for how they do this, whether they whip out a boob or bottle in public.

Glad I’m not friends with you in real life as I don’t need judgemental people in my life.

How can you compare a picture of a PLASTIC bottle and a breast / nipple!?

Leave the poor woman alone! How do you know she did not try and BF and could not produce enough milk? Or baby would not latch? Or many other reasons!

Also why is it such a thing now to post on social media with your breasts out! So strange. I do not get it at all.

Oh and BTW I breastfed my DD and still breastfeeding my son! But that does not give me the right to judge someone who chose to FF their baby.

Get a life op🤦🏻‍♀️

Rack off OP
I bottle fed from birth
I loved the idea others could feed DD
Meant i could take a break, dp could do night feeds, i would even go away overnight

The breast is best message is damaging and causes mums so much angst and puts so much unneeded pressure on them,
gives people like you the power of belief that they have every right to look down on bottle feeding mums and tell us so,
lets nurses and midwives get all high and mighty claiming all manner of BS

Bottle feeding is normal, its also safe and healthy but try getting info from health profesionals who claim they there to help. You get shunned and belittled

Bloody hell. It’s not bad enough that women are shamed into breastfeeding but even if they really can’t breastfeed your still want to chain them to their babies?

but mum needing a weekend away at 2 weeks post partum doesn’t trump the baby’s need for closeness and continuity.

Actually it does
If mum needs a break, she needs a break, simple. Mum is still a person with needs too.
Some women are even back at work by then.
Ive never had to utter the words oh i gotta be home for bed routine or dd wont settle for anyone else, cos she did, she trusted the people me and dp trusted.

about half decided straight off the bat that they wouldn't try to breastfeed because they didn't want to

I never wanted to BF, yet was essentially guilted into trying.
I hated it, dd never lateched, every time i tried i felt like nothing but a device, not a human or a cow.
Got my friend to bring formula to the hospital morning after dd was born and put her on formula at less than 24 hours old.
I played the game, said i was still trying to BF, my discharge papers even say i left fully and exclusivly BF, the hospital said if they could write that, i get an early discharge.
I was so happy about a week later when it was clear no milk was coming. Then i had a 'legit' reason.

proven to be better for mum, better for baby

its not better for either in all cases.
Its not better if mum develops PND or simply resents being a milk bar
Its not better for baby if mum resents baby, or if mum drinks, smokes, whatever

Jesus, this is the most depressing thread I've seen on here in ages. Reading through it all, here is what I've learnt (none of the following points are my opinions, they're literally lifted straight from posts on this thread)

1 - women who breastfeed often feel worried /self conscious to feed in public in case people stare or judge them. Also, women who bottle feed often feel worried to feed in public, in case people stare/judge them. Reality, we're all just trying to do our best.

2 - Feeding is not the only way to bond with a baby, there are lots of ways to do it. However, if you bottle feed and let others help, some people think that will damage the bond. Also, if you breastfeed, other people think this is selfish, as it prevents other people bonding with the baby. Reality, we're all just trying to do our best.

3 - bottle feeding mums apparently only do so because they want a break. Breastfeeding mums are hippies with wrecked tits. Bottle feeding mums are defensive. Breastfeeding mums are smug. Reality, we're all just trying to do our best.

4 - health care professionals push breastfeeding. But others push formula. Either way, they offer very little support. This needs to change.

My 2 cents - The op came across as judgy and was reading waaayy too much into a picture on social media, but some of the replies have been just as nasty. Ffs just feed your baby the way you feel is best and let others do the same.

I started typing out a massive message about how I couldn’t BF and had to bottle feed but actually OP does it matter? We’re in the middle of a pandemic and if your greatest worry is someone else bottle feeding then good luck to you

Oh OP. You're on a wind up.

which is why the NHS tries to promote breastfeeding.

They don't just promote breastfeeding they promote both.
Before you slag off the UK you really need to know what you're on about. The 'fact' you are getting are from people who successfully breastfed not from the poor mothers who tried and tried and sat there with sore cracked nipples in tears because they were so sore. Nope, you run off to google and get your facts.
Great you have a good milk supply, do you want me to raise my glass to you now or later?

You're being judgemental and clearly live out of your parenting book page to page.

Nasty bitch.

I’m laid here breastfeeding my 8 week (today) old and I’m so shocked by this thread.

If the baby is full, putting on weight and happy it doesn’t bloody matter how they’re fed.

I’m a first time mum for who BF has been reasonably smooth and even that was tough, there are a million reasons women can’t BF and even the most determined mother can have a spanner thrown in the works.

Yes I have a slight eye roll at mums who bottle feed because they want to go out drinking or ‘don’t want saggy tits’ as those to me seem a bit selfish to me but I think those mums are very few and far between and at the end of the day it’s still their body and baby so I’d never say anything!

I’ve been lucky BF has gone well and I’m not smug or judgmental because of it, I’m grateful!

They don't just promote breastfeeding they promote both

This was not my experience, or any of my friends at all. If you don't BF here in this trust at least you get fuck all other than to 'google it as artificial feeding is easy'.

@Blooppie , my experience too. I was treated like shit and a total failure for struggling to bf.
I had to be rehospitalised as an emergency because they had discharged me despite a raging hospital acquired infection. My desperate mil asked the attending midwife what to feed my baby in my absence. To which the mw replied "I'm not allowed to say but [gestured with head ] that stuff. "

That's shocking. We're lucky in our trusts that they promote both and happy to help you with whatever you choose to do and make it very clear they support you on any choice you make

These threads always go the same way. At first people say "You're so horrible to make me feel like shit, when I couldn't breastfeed for (insert complex medical reason after genuine wish and attempt)". Clearly, as Abbccc says if that's you then you're not being judged at all, you're likely feeling judged because of how sensitive the issue is for you? That's understandable and my heart absolutely goes out to you, I can't imagine how tough it must be to have your baby in NICU. But please try to accept and process your sadness without therefore having to stop others from promoting breastfeeding where possible.

Then people come out saying for them there is no complex medical reason at all, they actually just don't like things like "being stuck on a sofa", getting up at night, having to be home for their DC bedtime, or enduring something that is "painful and difficult" for a short while (which if it is should receive support of course, but to a degree is also just normal in first few weeks). Fine, that's your choice, but please don't stop others talking about the factual benefits of breastfeeding or say it doesn't matter, just so you look less selfish!

Surely whoever feels at peace with their decision wouldn't need to be so defensive and rude. Calling OP a "bitch", really??

Many of the responses here do seem to back up the fact that we have a formula culture in the UK. I mean make whatever decisions you want but it's naive to assume that no one is influenced by their culture.

I'm not convinced that the breast is best message is the best way to encourage women to breastfeed. I think we need to look at the wider things that can be detrimental to breastfeeding rather than blaming women for not doing it

@SnuggyBuggy Yes, I think you're spot on