Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

OP, you're a nasty person. Had these been a few months ago in my life, your post would've brought me to tears.
Please, don't be a twat.

I know I will be slated for this but I agree with the OP.

I don't think bottle feeding is bad, the invention of formula has saved so many lives. What bothers me is that it seems to be the default option which frankly makes no sense. For example, of the people I know who have had babies recently - about half decided straight off the bat that they wouldn't try to breastfeed because they didn't want to. I respect their decision but I will never understand it.

And for those of you who say there is no difference, go do your research before coming out with such nonsense.

@StillWeRise - I was unable to breastfeed. I formula fed my two and they are fine (and indeed sibling studies show it makes no difference). The anti formula “only a tiny percentage of women really can’t breastfeed” brigade are utterly anti feminist and don’t want to listen to women. I was absolutely unable to breastfeed and I don’t care for people telling me that’s not true or my experience (or those of many of my friends) doesn’t matter.

Even if women just don’t breastfeed because they just don’t want to, so what? Leave us alone and let us make our own choices. Our well being As mothers is important too.

@sqirrelfriends - doesn’t sound like you do respect women’s decision to bottle feed. It does make no difference- the studies show a correlation only. Your intolerance for other women’s choices is telling

Oh for fucks sake. Let people feed their babies the way they want to, and mind your own bloody business.

@CayrolBaaaskin I absolutely respect it, their choice, their baby. My issue isn't with the women it's with the whole culture that makes bottle feeding so popular. I.e. Baby dolls have bottles, little girls grow up with the notion that bottle feeding is just the way it is.

I'm not saying formula feeding is bad, I just don't understand why it has to be the default when breastfeeding is the natural choice, proven to be better for mum, better for baby and cheaper. I understand it might upset people to hear that but it's the truth.

I know it's not counted as research but my experience : dd1 breastfed, always ill, now a young adult riddled with allergies. Fussy eater too. Dd2 and dd3 ( twins) bottle fed, no allergies, better waters, better weights, less illnesses by far, and hit milestones at the same time if not earlier than older sibling. I was a huge believer in the benefits of breastfeeding but tbh I think they are oversold.

@sqirrelfriends I’ve done a lot of research thank you very much, consider doing some on the effects of breastfeeding and it’s link to depression? Or perhaps the link between being unable to establish breastfeeding and PND? Then being told that FF is hurt abgoof decision because of only the personal opinions of those who will defend their choice to BF (fine) but never consider the multitude of reasons why others don’t make that choice.

I detest the breast is best argument especially when it's rammed down new mums throats by fellow mums whittling on about the 'bond' who have mastered the position with the help of cushions so their hands are free to spend the entire feed on facebook!

Eaters not waters

@sqirrelfriends

Is it really better for mum though?

I certainly know that the time I could gain by allowing my husband to do a night feed with a bottle, the date night I could go on because someone else could feed my son etc...all these things contributed to me being a stronger, mentally and physically, and happier mum. I was never sleep deprived and my relationship stayed strong. I have the most wonderful bond with my son that even strangers will comment on.

Well a huge chunk of my post went missing there! Being told FF may be hurtful to your bond with your baby or that it is only good for mothers when data proves this is not the case - when really it comes down to personal decision. But then will be told they are incorrect to make that decision by some who choose to breastfeed (fine) but won’t consider the multitude of reasons why others don’t make the same choice.

I bf from day one - my choice. Wasn’t guilty as had no reason to be so. DC’s grew up healthy, none of the scaremongering health problems that some people reckon bf babies will get. Why wouldn’t I choose to bf - I had a choice and made the right one. I am not uneducated and DH is a doctor so I had access to all the information available. DH gave bottles, grandparents, family and friends - everyone was happy.

@2007Millie that's lovely for you, I'm pleased it worked out for you. Both options are great but there is a link between breastfeeding and the likelihood of breast cancer so I would say that is better for mum. There are definitely advantages to bottle feeding though and I would have loved to not have to pump to go out but that's the choice I made.

People who imply that the mum's diet matters for the quality of breastmilk are being anything but 'neutral'. This is one of the myths pushed by the formula industry, it makes mums doubt themselves. In reality mum's diet doesn't matter for breastmilk to be nutritionally right for the baby. Formula on the other hand does come with risks of infection, it doesn't give 'certainty' that it's safe.

I don't understand why people who weren't able to breastfeed are getting so defensive and rude to the OP. If I weren't able to breastfeed, I'd probably be sad about it, but could still agree with the OP that it's important to normalise breastfeeding?

@Leah00

There's a difference between normalising breastmilk and turning your nose up because you saw someone bottle feeding.

I was not able to breastfeed and some "breast is best" crusaders really make you feel shit about it. People can patronize you by assuming you didn't seek support or didnt try hard enough. Or implying that you should have just powered through whatever difficulties you had.

My son is fed expressed breastmilk, so I'm in a weird position where if someone asks if he's breastfed I have to say "Yes and no". Pumping wasnt even discussed as an option when I had difficulty and one health visitor told me it wasnt possible to feed him that way! I'm now coming up on 4 months and only used formula when I became dehydrated when I was ill and again when my pump broke.

@sqirrelfriends proven to be better for mum

Not at all true to be honest. There is a link between mums who BF and depression including PND all because of narrow minded views such as yours.

Equally breastfeeding can prevent pnd, though. Stop spreading myths please!

@Leah00 the OP pissed people off by slagging off a picture of a toddler feeding a baby with a bottle so it was never going to be a neutral argument

@sqirrelfriends I’m always surprised by how many people make blanket statements about what is best for other fully grown adult women. That level of arrogance is genuinely astonishing to me. I’m not sure if people like you making statements like that are being deliberately obtuse or genuinely not able to understand the following, but I’ll spell it out: a miserable woman on the brink of a nervous breakdown because she is being tortured mentally and physically doing something with her breasts that she doesn’t want to, is absolutely NOT doing what’s best for her. A small decrease in cancer risk is outweighed by those impacts, no question. I have never in my life been as low as when I was trapped exclusively breastfeeding a bottle refusing six month old and it gives me the rage to hear someone saying I was doing what was best for me. No, I really fucking wasn’t. Breast is NOT always best for anyone involved so stop making blanket statements. You don’t speak for me or any other woman.

@sqirrelfriends @grumpyorange wasn't better for me either, my OH did some night feeds, I had a full night sleep so could deal with a baby with a level head

@Lostvoiced I can understand that frustration, but I feel you are taking it a bit too personally? Do you not think you are interpreting it as 'they are just trying to make me feel shit' when in reality there is no such agenda. People are trying to inform and to question the bottle feeding culture. That's what the OP was about, not 'turning her nose up'. I think understandably it's a sensitive issue for you - I'm sure I'd be exactly the same. But I don't think that justifies telling someone to fuck off because they've questioned the factually problematic bottle feeding culture.

Leah I wasn’t stating it as a fact, I was suggesting that - as I said - there is a lot of contradicting advice regarding breast milk and it’s link to your diet online. Most people go online to do research and can fall down the rabbit hole pretty quickly. It was a supposition offered in answer to why some may choose to FF. I wasn’t stating facts, merely offering differing perspectives that people can have when making their decisions.

Nor did I say FF is intrinsically safer, just that many may believe it is, for the reasons I cited such as: “poor education around breastfeeding”.

Also at no point have I suggested breastfeeding shouldn’t be normalised! In fact if you read my earlier comments my only point in this conversation is that ‘bottle feeding’ culture in the UK and the reasons for this, is not a question with any definable answer as it is fairly individual and relates to the personal circumstances. Breastfeeding should be normalised and I don’t much care either way so long as a baby is being fed.

However, comments then came suggesting breast is best no matter what. That FF and passing an infant to another to feed somehow changes the bond that baby has with their primary caregivers. I take issue with this point - mostly because it comes across as sanctimonious from those who seemingly wont accept that breastfeeding is not always the best option depending on individual circumstances.