Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

The OP is of the attachment parenting persuasion. The sort that says things like “I’m a cloth-bumming, baby-wearing, natural term BFing, co-sleeping mama”. The rest of society is raising asthmatic psychopaths.

Mind your own business OP

🤷‍♀️ i agree. everything possible should be done to promote bf as the norm/default point from which you begin.

Lots of thoughts, but I’m too polite to let you have them.

My grandchild will be bottle fed with expressed breast milk for a while, because mum wants to pass on immunities. After a month or so, she will switch to formula because she doesn’t wish to continue. Which is her business and no-one else’s.

If that’s alright with you.

If she decides she wants to breast feed, that will be her business too.

Mind your own.

But what's wrong with other people feeding a newborn? Or doing anything else for a newborn? Absolutely nothing at all. Parents deserve a break if it's possible.
Parents don't need to do every single feed in order to bond.
What about those who can't feed their baby any way? My son was not well when he was born and had to be tube fed in an incubator to start. That does not mean my husband or I failed to bond with him.

@Chillipeanuts the mum can obviously do what she likes but sounds like it'll be really hard work for her! I have an incredible milk supply yet I have found it really hard to express when I've tried. Might be a lot easier for her to just try to breastfeed directly but good luck to her.

Bet your bottom dollar op has never had kids.

What?! Is this even a thing? Why on earth would being given the occasional bottle by another family member mean that the mother wouldn't bond with the baby during the other umpteen bottle feeding sessions? What a lot of utter twaddle!

@YouJustDoYou I'm up for a bet!

TeenyQueen

I express fed her for 10 months and her brother for 8, no problems.

Thank you for your heartfelt concern but they’ll be fine.

I breastfeed my 4.5 month old and since he was a few weeks old he has also had a bottle or two of expressed milk a day, and I've let my toddler "help" feed him, she absolutely loves feeding her brother and it has been a really lovely bonding experience for her. I really can't see what the issue with that is and not that I have shared it on social media but it's sad to think this is something people would be judging me for!

@happymummy12345 same here with my twins, I’ve found that this point often gets overlooked and whenever I have raised it on other threads like this, it tends to get ignored. Especially by those who think there’s a special bond created through breastfeeding.

It’s proven scientifically that oxytocin is released by baby and mother when breastfeeding. But oxytocin is also released by parents and babies (and people in general) through cuddling and other forms of physical intimacy (kisses, playing, tickling as baby gets older and so on). So for me it lacks in debate that breastfeeding is the only way to achieve this special bond. I only know this because I was so worried that my twins bond with me was lacking in the early months due to their lengthy stay in NICU, so I read as many scientific journals as I could and came to the conclusion that our bond wasn’t affected, it may not have been created the same way, but it was created nonetheless

Wow, so a lovely moment between siblings is wrong? A bonding moment between them is wrong?
What a judgemental joyless op
I’ve fed my families newborns, i’m extremely close, suppose i should have said no it’s wrong, feed them yourself!

There is no need for people to be so angry, defensive and rude. Of course there's a bottlefeeding culture in this country. The vast vast majority of babies are bottlefed. It's the norm. Several people on this thread haved asked why this is. It would be interesting to have a discussion about that. As I said before, it's not likely that British women's breasts don't work as well as those of women in other countries.

Also, I do think it's other people's business how babies are fed. It's about raising children to be as healthy as possible as this goes beyond the baby years (schools serving healthy meals is one example).

I think people need to mind their business about how babies are fed, as long as the baby is ok.

Just after my son was born, I took him for one of his check ups and we had to wait for some time, so I ended up feeding him in the waiting room.
I could feel everybody's eyes on me while I was feeding him (with a bottle). Now I know that some were looking because he is a baby and he's adorable (he had loads of hair for a newborn), but a few people were definitely giving me dirty looks for bottle feeding.
The irritating thing is, it was breastmilk in the bottle! I wanted to hold it up and say "This is boob milk! I know 'breast is best!'".

But the thing is I shouldn't have to. Fed is best. Babies should be fed and mothers will do that in whatever way feels best for them and everyone else can bugger off.

Also, I let my mum and sister fed the baby when they visited. I dont see them often and I dont think it hurt my 'bond' one bit!

Like @everylifehasasoubdtrack says I think your should perhaps look at your own life before judging others. You come across as very judgemental in a lot of your posts.

Of course there's a bottlefeeding culture in this country. The vast vast majority of babies are bottlefed. It's the norm. Several people on this thread haved asked why this is.”

There was a massive push to formula feed in the sixties and seventies, it was considered better for the baby.
My parents were poor, working class with appalling diets so in my case that was probably a fair assumption.

@Abbccc
You've completely summed up my thoughts. The UK has abysmal breastfeeding rates and I really wonder why that is. Apparently only 1% of babies are still breastfed at 6 months. It's largely individual choice but it also affects health outcomes nationally, which is why the NHS tries to promote breastfeeding.

No, 1% are still exclusively breastfed at 6 months. If they’ve been given even one bottle, or some food before 6 months they don’t count as having been exclusively breastfed at 6 months. The HV apologised to me for recording my second child as ‘partially breastfed’ as she’d had one bottle of formula when I was in hospital with sepsis as a result of mastitis (I had her in hospital with me and breastfed her through it but I was unconscious at one point and she needed a feed). So that stat is misleading.

Wow, judgemental much. There are multiple different ways to bond with your child and for other members of your family to also do this. I had one of each when it came to feeding, both have an equal bond to me and the rest of the family.

Well I didn’t want to breastfeed and I took a special pill so no milk came in.

Breastfeeding made me want to kill myself and I had to have counselling for months. I am a massive fan of bottle feeding

Teenyqueen, my youngest was apart from his father for most of his first year ( Ex was military and the Gulf war 1 was in full flow) they have a great bond, and my DS is a well rounded young man who has healthy relationships and knows he is loved and adored.

I wanted to breastfeed but couldn't.

So fuck off.

Many people have answered why they think there is a prevalence of bottle feeding - to think of a few myself:

The mother can’t breastfeed because of medical reasons (such as premature birth)

The mother doesn’t wish to breastfeed (her decision at the end of the day).

The baby is unable to breastfeed and thrive.

Poor education around breastfeeding and little/no support for this after having a baby.

Extremely painful experience putting mothers off trying again.

Severe anxiety from the mother that she isn’t able to provide enough milk naturally to sustain her baby. Or running herself into the ground attempting to keep breastfeeding going to detriment of her own health.

From as neutral perspective as I can muster, I think formula comes with a certain level of assurance for most people, that it will include the right balance of nutrients where we can’t guarantee our own diets, therefore our own breast milk is as balanced. There is a lot of contradictory advice online between what does and doesn’t impact breast milk and the last thing new mothers want when feeding their baby is uncertainty.

Or maybe the mum is so dependent on her morning coffee during those early days and can’t quite figure out if the caffeine will impact her baby negatively. It’s one of those questions that has no easily defined answer, but posting on MN with a strong view on FF affecting bonds and the like is quite likely to ensure a backlash from mothers who are simply doing their best and hate to think their decision (or lack thereof in my case) to not breastfeed means the bond with their baby was adversely and irrevocably altered.

I also don’t know why suggesting the idea that FF is an unhealthy choice and then acting amazed that people disagree quite verbosely is a way to have a genuine conversation on the matter.