Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

@AlternativePerspective

Well said. I hate the whole “well actually almost everyone can breastfeed” narrative. We all think women should be supported to do so if they wish to, but telling them they probably could have and their reason for stopping wasn’t a reason they couldn’t have carried on us so snarky.

It's not teaching anyone anything. I was bottle fed, as were my sisters who I did help to feed sometimes but I breastfed my son. So how did my parents teach me bottle feeding was the only way exactly if I went the other way and breastfed?

Just mind your own business and stop putting people into little boxes and thinking you know how their minds work

But there it is again. When a woman says they didn’t produce milk/baby wasn’t being satisfied etc people seem to feel the need to say “well I’d rather they just admitted they didn’t want to bf.” How do you know those things didn’t happen for them? You don’t

No, i don’t. Which is why i smile and not politely and don’t say anything. But why feel the need to justify why you’re bottle feeding in the first place.

Luckily i was fairly confident with bf- but if i’d have been less so another mother telling me about cluster feeding meaning no milk, or my baby not sleeping through by 6 weeks meaning no milk, or feeding 2-hourly meaning no milk, or not being able to express meaning no milk- all of which i did experience, i might have started to doubt whether bf was working for us...along with family pressure to bottle feed, it took a lot more strength to keep going.

You don’t know if the bf mother you’re telling your story to is struggling and needing support.

“It didn’t work for me” is also fine.

What part of it is untrue @Raaaa?

Oh I have never justified my choice to BF to anyone in RL.But I think that possibly the reason why many people do is because there is a prevailing attitude that women should BF,and even if that is not the majority view it’s like everything else in that the strongest opinions are the ones who shout the loudest. It’s like anything in life, think Christian and people think radical gay-hating, think feminist and people think radical feminism, think climate change and you come up with extinction rebellion And the reason why those attitudes prevail is because those who don’t think like that don’t want to be involved in those kinds of discussions so stay quiet, and hence the reputations are born.

I wish I could say I wasn't one of those women that hadn't justified to a bored bf mother having to top up and only doing it for a few months but I am. In fact I did it with a mother at a kids party who was sitting in the soft play breastfeeding about 4 months ago. Sad really given that it was 6 years ago that I was attempting to bf. The sight of her made me feel totally inadequate.

... And so you outwardly plaster over your own struggle with feelings of inadequacy with xenophobic slur.

People who make the “but almost all women can breastfeed” argument seem to have a very narrow physical definition for being unable to breastfeed. A previous poster even said it seems unlikely that British women’s breasts don’t work as well as women’s in other countries.

How about this.

Physically, I could breastfeed. I produced lots of milk. My baby had tongue tie and by the second day my nipples were like raw hamburger. I cried through every feed and dreaded holding my baby because feeding was so painful. I had long daily visits from midwives who helped me with positioning and attachment. We tried nipple shields to try to let them heal. On day 6 she finished a feed and the shield was full of blood. I switched to exclusively expressing, then at 5 weeks started trying to latch her again with support from a breastfeeding specialist. She still couldn’t latch properly and it would be weeks before her tongue tie could be snipped, but I intended to keep trying. A week later I broke down and was diagnosed with PND, triggered among other things by breastfeeding guilt and lack of sleep from round the clock expressing. I switched to formula and it was the best decision I could have made.

I say that I couldn’t breastfeed, because my mental health and my pain mattered. If there was no safe alternative, yes I could have physically carried on. It’s quite possible I would have ended up too mentally unwell to care for my daughter at all.

I would never accuse or interrogate any individual who says they weren't able to breastfeed but come on, why are there so many British women who can't breastfeed and so few in other countries?

@Leah00 I wasn't saying it's untrue.

I just think it sounds ridiculous. Telling a FF mum that is doing their best, by the way you gave them the second best start in life were all adults making our own decisions, not children being lectured by a teacher

@SnuggyBuggy maybe because if breastfeeding gets hard formula is readily available in this country. In other countries maybe aunts and sisters can spend the time with mum to establish it. Money. Not working such long hours and work pressures.

I don't know just throwing ideas out there.

@Raaaa I obviously wouldn't say it to any individual mum. It was in response to those spreading the misinformation that formula is basically as good as breast milk, and has no long term health impacts.

Not talking about those with specific reasons to switch to formula, like @ArgyllFTM, but those who 'just don't fancy' even trying to breast feed, why would they still insist they are giving their DC 'the best start in life' ?!

I’ve already given the reasons I chose to ff. I’ve no regrets with my decision. Perhaps as social media wasn’t so prominent and no Mn when they were born, there wasn’t public judgement as to decisions parents made.

Breastfeeding being hard isn't the same thing as not being able to produce enough milk. Part of the bottle feeding culture is the widespread belief that there are large numbers of women who can't produce enough milk. It suits formula companies that we believe in this high failure rate of breastmilk.

Not talking about those with specific reasons to switch to formula

The supposed “long term heath impacts” are the same whatever the mother’s reasons though, aren’t they?

@Leah00 but those who 'just don't fancy' even trying to breast feed, why would they still insist they are giving their DC 'the best start in life' ?!

Because it's a woman's choice how she feeds her baby. By feeding my baby when he needs it, seeing him gain weight, not seeing him get ill, seeing him develop and grow, seeing him take his first steps, seeing him learn to say mama and dads all whilst FF is giving them the best start.

You clearly don't agree so why keep going on? You are one of the most vicious posters on here

@princesstwinkle technically it's not the "best" though is it? It might be the best for them or for their situation but it nutritionally speaking formula will never be better than breastmilk.

And I don't think @Leah00 is being vicious, it's very frustrating to keep hearing the same fallacies over and over again.

No one does the best for their kids all the time anyway.

@sqirrelfriends so why can't you feed your baby how you choose and I feed mine how I choose. Why does it need to be a competition.

I get fed up of BF women having to justify their own choices to make others feel bad. I don't care if you get your tit out or not. I don't care if you sit on the sofa watching box sets all day. The same way I don't get if you get a box of formula out, I don't care if a dad or grandparent does a feed. It simply is not anyone else's business.

Then you say well I say through bleeding nipples for nothing then... well yes, yes you did. You chose to continue feeding and that's great but that's no one else's problem and no one told you you had to continue. It makes you simply no batter than a mum who went actually no I'm going to swap to formula.

If OP had said a mum put up a BF picture and You thought it was wrong you would've stuck up for what you believe in. It is not on OP to call out another mother just like it's not on you and @Leah00 to call out FF mums.

Just stop, read what you're saying and realise you are contributing to the view that BF mums are pushy and judgy. You and your opinions could be a reason that a mum falls into PND, you and your opinions could be a reason that a mum tried to take her own life. You and your opinions are just that - YOURS.

and has no long term health impacts

Because it doesn't.

I bottle fed but only me and occasionally DH did the feeds, and I would often take my babies to a quiet spot. There's still a lot of intimacy with bottle feeding, the eye contact and the closeness, I felt that it wasn't something that anyone but me and DH should do. That said, this was only how I felt about my own children and I wouldn't judge anybody that did it differently.

@princesstwinkle it's not a competition, I keep being told breastfeeding has not health benefits, which is false so I will back up my opinion.

Mind your own business op. Stop judging others and get a life. You do your own thing and bring your baby up how you want to and let others do their own thing and bring their baby up how they want too! Ffs.