Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

I'm more vicious than the person who said to the OP she should 'shift her judgemental arse' back to where she came from?! Wow - I guess that in itself says a lot about UK society.

I'm not 'calling out' FF mums. I totally respect that it's everyone's own choice. I'm just correcting the misinformation that is being spread.

Can we perhaps stop with the “BF mums” and “FF mums” as though feeding methods identify mums over all else? Perhaps say mums who BF and mums who FF even if it takes a few more words? There are so many experiences and events and practices which define us, as individuals, as mums as women - many things bring us together, many things divide us. These are such trying times for the world, we are all trying to get through such an unprecedented situation, many of us stumbling and faltering, some coping better than others. We are not always thinking rationally, sometimes feeling in control. In Such strange times, perhaps being less divisive in general may help, even if it means not being able to make our arguments/points as vociferously as possible. Not sure this thread is helping anyone in particular.....

It’s a bit weird tbh. I think the majority of mums have used both at some point!

Good point - apologies. I was using PP's terminology.

@coronaandtired that sounds like what I'd do if I had to bottle feed. When you scroll through Facebook the feeding photos I see don't show any intimacy or a sense that feeding is a calm bonding time. Also having seen some (and I will say only some) friends bottle feed it just seems like a physical act, as in 'here's the bottle, off you go". We need to reinforce the idea that feeding an infant isn't just a physical act to satisfy hunger, but rather an opportunity to interact and bond with the baby. The benefit of breastfeeding is that you have a free hand so I stroke DD's hair and face, often she likes to hold my hand whilst she feeds.

Breastfeeding doesn't always mean intimacy either. I once saw a woman walking through the Trafford centre, husband was pushing the pram and she had one breast out feeding her baby as she walked through a busy shopping centre. Meanwhile I was searching out the nearest mother and baby room to spend an hour breastfeeding and then bottle feeding my dd. Even if I had only been bottle feeding her I'd have gone somewhere to sit down and let her feed in peace. There will be the odd mother who's formula feeding that will prop the bottle up on a pillow and leave the baby to it but there's will also be the odd breastfeeding mother that doesn't treat feeding time with care and intimacy either. The VAST majority of BOTH kinds of feeding is done with lots of cuddles, closeness and intimacy.

I breastfed all three mine and to be honest I hated it. I’d probably have bonded with them all better had I not felt so pressured into it. And if I hadn’t developed sepsis as a result of mastitis when DD2 fed for 2 weeks solid, and nearly died.

Skinnyhotchoc I think it’s because with breastfeeding you have skin on skin contact by default, and that aids their brain development. You don’t have to be gazing into your baby’s eyes for every feed.

You bond both way of feeding.

Quite often I bottle fed with one hand and also held my baby's hand

When i bottle fed my DS it was my favourite time for bonding. I would hold the bottle in a way that the same hand could stroke and rest on his face which comforted and calmed him if he had been crying as well. Very ignorant to say you cant bond with a baby while bottle feeding.

Feeding is such a lovely time for bonding and I can definitely see how that can be done with a bottle as well. Unfortunately some (who I think are in the minority) leave the baby with the bottle as soon as they can hold it themselves, but that's nothing to do with formula really.

This page explains the differences between breast milk and formula, against the claim that they're basically the same.

breastfeeding.support/is-there-a-difference-between-breast-milk-and-formula/?fbclid=IwAR08aloZez4AJ0PQdJNHtTaXaqN65m_LqNePWCFvzdxIlx_FqjCgM0x0JG8

I never received any misinformation. I read and researched (DH is a GP so no shortage of material) and decided to use formula. Shock horror but I let grandparents, friends and family give them a bottle on a regular basis. They enjoyed it, I was happy and DC’s couldn’t care less who fed them. Happy baby and happy parents.

Feeding was definitely more of a bonding experience here when we moved to ff. I could only bf DD in the rugby ball hold awkwardly positioned with a pillow. I couldn’t really see her face. When bottle feeding I could see her and talk to her etc much easier.

Mine were both bf and bottle fed. For numerous reasons. In various degrees. The only thing that makes me sad is that sections of the population don't even try and bf. Embarrassed etc.
I know some one with five DC who won't entertain it. Would save them a fortune too !!

When you scroll through Facebook the feeding photos I see don't show any intimacy or a sense that feeding is a calm bonding time. Also having seen some (and I will say only some) friends bottle feed it just seems like a physical act, as in 'here's the bottle, off you go". We need to reinforce the idea that feeding an infant isn't just a physical act to satisfy hunger, but rather an opportunity to interact and bond with the baby. The benefit of breastfeeding is that you have a free hand so I stroke DD's hair and face, often she likes to hold my hand whilst she feeds.

Just fyi, feeding isn't the only way to bond.
Bf can be just a physical act too
You claim by allows a free hand to stroke babies hair, most mum's I see by use the spare hand to use their phone, or push a shopping trolley, or have a drink or something to eat

The intamcy and bonding, how, when it happens is all down to mum and baby. Not determined by a specific time or action

Your attitude of "I'm doing the best for my baby (and you're not)" is why people feel judged.
It's just rude. Everyone is doing their best. Their best might look different from what your best is
Exactly this

Pull your head in Leah, your language is why FF mum's feel the need to defend ourselves.
Your version of best start, BF at all costs, would have seen me in a psych ward
The best start to life is where mum and baby are happy and fed. That's it.
Its not a best start if mum resents baby for having to BF is it now?

My dc baby days are a few years ago now and as I breastfeeding mother I have a different perspective now also. One of the main reasons I believe that I breastfed successfully and for past 2 years for my dc was because of social isolation for various reasons and no family around. So there was no one around to encourage me to pass the baby to them when I was struggling, or offering to have baby for the night. So I’m always envious when I see those with family around to babysit and to bottle feed babies.

It’s yet another judgey post that we don’t need. Fed is best however the mother wants to go about it.

FWIW I bottle feed and do look at baby and have cuddles etc with every feed. My SIL breast feeds and spends 90% of time scrolling on phone with her spare hand once baby is latched on. 🤷‍♀️ Her choice. Both babies are thriving and we are both doing what we think is best

@sqirrelfriends just because you've seen FF kids who are fine it doesn't mean that "BF don't mean much

So where are your guarantees that BF will prevent issues
Where the guarantee that FF will cause xyz
Simple fact is, there are no guarantees and BF or FF is only one aspect of life. Many other things also contribute to a healthy start to life, it's being too simplistic to say BF or FF have massive differences.
The differences are that small in the grand scheme so why the need for people to judge women who FF, apart from ego or wanting to look down on others? It's rarely genuine concern

@squeekums there are no guarantees, there never are. The same way there's no guarantee that a healthy diet and exceed use will stop people from getting ill, yet it's still advisable because if no one bothered then a lot more people would sick. I admit living a healthy life is more important in the grand scheme of things but breastfeeding is one part that I can give to my baby.

The fact is, on a population lever fewer children get seriously ill that are breastfed, I wouldn't want to take the risk that breastfeeding could have protected my child.

These threads make me really angry even though it’s 20 years since mine were babies. Every parent has access to good quality information and can give their DC an excellent start in life whether that be ff or bf. What no one has a right to is to criticise a loving parents decision with judgemental views.

Lol @Leah00 So you think that link you provided given its from “breastfeeding support” might be a wee bit biased. Ridiculous claims such as in that link that breastfeeding protects against multiple sclerosis make me so angry. There is no scientific basis to such nonsense.

The slaying of mothers for not breastfeeding and the spread of misinformation about its supposed benefits is deeply anti feminist. There is no good evidence that breastfeeding is any better or worse than formula. Correlation and causation are different things. Breastfeed if you want but let’s stop all the pressure and shaming of mothers who bottle feed and all the crap about how it’s your fault if your kid is autistic because you formula fed.

time.com/9917/sibling-study-shows-little-difference-between-breast-and-bottle-feeding/

See link - if you look at sibling studies they show no casual difference between breast milk and formula. There is the same correlation effect as in other studies but the sibling studies show its other factors causing the differences not breast milk.