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Parenting

This is such a bitchy website

172 replies

adamadamum · 08/09/2007 00:55

I have had enough of the bitches on this site. I know there are plenty of nice, genuine mumsnetters too but too many bitches. I am ending my membership.

OP posts:
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Rhubarb · 08/09/2007 19:31
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Rhubarb · 08/09/2007 19:32

You know you've made it when people can actually be arsed to bitch about you.

I take it as a compliment that I'm important enough to warrant a whole conversation!

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Desiderata · 08/09/2007 19:33

Well, I'm guessing that I'm perceived to be one of those ...

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haychee · 08/09/2007 19:35

blimey, im well in then, i was bitched about from 1st post i ever made

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BecauseImWorthIt · 08/09/2007 19:35

Would be interesting to see how 'bitch' is defined.

Sounds like it might just be someone who disagrees with you!

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Desiderata · 08/09/2007 19:36

No shit, haychee

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Rhubarb · 08/09/2007 19:36

There you go see!
Now lets all have a group hug whilst pulling faces behind each others backs.

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haychee · 08/09/2007 19:38
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Rhubarb · 08/09/2007 19:41
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haychee · 08/09/2007 19:45

good job i washed after hugging, i would never ever wave a snot wanger, cringe

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Rhubarb · 08/09/2007 19:46

Yes but have you discovered the slugs in your pipes yet?

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haychee · 08/09/2007 19:47

I dont go there, is dh`s job

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adamadamum · 08/09/2007 23:57

Most of you are probably very nice, and yes, I have had support from some good people. But unfortunately there are too many people on this site with bad attitudes, probably a tiny minority, but they are the kind of people who who like to post without thinking about the stress that their comments can cause. I know that most of you are likely to be very nice, compassionate people. But the exceptions ruin it for me. Maybe I am too sensitive. But I am only human. And I do not bitch. Not ever. If I ever have, please point it out, as I am bewildered by that comment about me bitching. And if so I apologise.

Nobody knows more about how difficult being a mother can be. Some of you are single with a child. Difficult. Some of you are single with two. Even more difficult. Some, single or with a partner, have a disabled child, Very stressful and demanding.

Some of you have a partner and child or children but not much else in the way of support - inlaws, your mother etc. Not ideal.

Imagine for a moment what it might be like to be single with two children, with no family and few local friends, with old friends only visiting occasionally because of distance. Imagine what it is like to nto have had an evening out for 5 years.

Imagine having a child with an undiagnosed genetic condition which means global developmental delay and tube feeding which takes about 40 mnutes twice a day, on top of normal stuff. Imagine finding out that your child will never be normal. Imagine what it's like when at nearly 5 your child is like a 2 year old.

Imagine doing all of the looking after a child who is like a 2 year old, on your own, no partner, with a 3 year old boy as well. Thankfully with no similar genetic problems but with eczema which requires attention several times a day.

Imgine living in an area with very few local shops, where you cannot buy pull-ups. decent milk, fresh chicken, let alone anything as exotic as avocados (one of the few high cal foods my DD likes) without a long journey to another area.

Imagine not even being able to pop to a wine shop - even that has recently closed down. Not that I could just pop out to it anyway.


Well, if you have imagined well, you may have an inkling of what my life is. I am on my own, with two beautiful children, My DD has severe disabilities, but about to start school, and my DS is 3. We have no help apart from a homestart volunteer who comes for a couple of hours weekly. I don't drive (I know this will make some of you decide I am inferior) and local shops sell nothing really of use to us.

Because of my situation, I am depressed. Without antidepressents i cannot be sure how I would be.

I have been close to suicide at times.

I need to only use net forums where the posters are genuine and compassionate. Mumsnet is so big that it is inevitable that some less savoury people will join and post whatever nasty comments they like.
Obviously some of you think I am being too sensitive, and at least one of you seems to think I am also a bitch. I would be interested to see what examples she could show...

Yes, I am quite sensitive, I have a harder life than most of you could imagine.

Maybe if some of you could try to imagine how hard my life is, you would stop being so nasty.

I have to say most of the people I have encounterd on mumsnet seem fine,and some very supportive, it's just the minority that have ruined it for me.

By the way, if it is a reasonably common occurrence for mums to leave the site because of bitchiness, then maybe the people in question should realise what these forums are supposed to be about.

SUPPORT FOR MOTHERS.

OP posts:
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Califrau · 09/09/2007 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sarahgg · 09/09/2007 00:10

Dear Adamadmum, I am quite new to this site, and sometimes I also feel a bit 'blocked out'. Very cliquey ( wrongly spelt, I know!). I have posted a few times and got no response, and have felt very belittled. I am so lucky my kids are healthy, I have a husband, I do drive, I buy organic food for my kids, have a mediocre support system, BUT I STILL FEEL FOR YOU. You make me feel as if my moans and grumbles are purely self indulgent, and they are.
This site should be there to support you, atleast to make you laugh at life! Please keep posting, there are people like me who aren't judgmental, who just log on for a laugh, to cheer ourselves up. No one's life is perfect, but we are all entitled to a little bit of fun! God knows, as mothers we need it!! xx

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elliek · 09/09/2007 00:15

By lulumama on Sat 08-Sep-07 10:07:38
the mumsnetter who doulaed for anotehr she had not even met before

that was me, I was on my own and Daisymoo volunteered to be my Doula. and tomorrow she will become my son's godmother.

I am very proud to be a Mumsnetter

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Aitch · 09/09/2007 00:19

och i'm with Cali, adamadamum... seriously, you're having a hard time, don't make it worse for yourself by cutting yourself off from a potentially useful support source.
on the other hand, don't insult people in your OP, because quite frankly it's rude and unnecessary. if you're staying, stay, if not, stop slagging us all off.

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chocabloc · 09/09/2007 00:20

yes understand what u mean sarah! but hey if im ignored in my post, what can i do! pbvs quite a few mn'sr have met up face to face, and have more of a bond! why not start a new threda! actually ive doen that and got a few replys from some and none from the other! if its justified opinionated comment then fair enough!

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Aitch · 09/09/2007 00:21

and sarahgg, funnily enough i bet you anything you'd find more responses to your post if you changed your name. not that you have to, of course, but i bet those hard gs are having an impact.

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Carmenere · 09/09/2007 00:21

How about seeing what you could do for mn as opposed to what mn can do for you?

Now I don't mean to be harsh and everything you have posted about you situation is tragic and unimaginably difficult. But unless you are going to give up trying, which I don't think you are, you'd better toughen up somewhat. You need a skin like a rhinos hide to deal with what life has thrown at you and a sense of humour too would help you endure your day to day existance. Stop worrying about what you perceive to be negatives on mn and become the person on here who is an expert in looking after two dc's on her own one with sever sn. Be the person who can advise and help out, you have gotten this far, there are going to be mums in a similiar position to you who could do with your advice.

I don't often say this on a flounce thread but stay, you could be a really valuable member.

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sarahgg · 09/09/2007 00:26

aithch - hard G's? what are you talking about? now a name means you aren't worthy? For your info, I'm not very inventive, just thought i'd use my DD1 & DD2's initials, what's your excuse for dropping your H's?

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chocabloc · 09/09/2007 00:28

oh well gald ur back adamamad! yes i feel for you cant imagine what its like! If i can help in anyway i will, know what its like to be isolated, but obvs not in ur position! even those with husbands and cars etc, are not as fufilled as u imagine they are! Yes everyone has probs, not trying to seem bitchy! do you have a social worker, or have you thoght about a day center for your little girl! they are both beatifull seen the pics!

my eldest brother has learning difficulties and it is stressfull, to be there 24 hours a day, so maybe you need to think about days away, maybe leading to weekends to give you a break!

Im a single mum, dont get out that much either! but when i do i make the most of it! Maybe you can approach a local nursery, and get one of the staff (trusted by a parent who may look after their chil) so ur mind will be at ease, to look after them for the night! and get out and have a drink, know about depression too! try not to get too dependant on the ad's there is light at the end of it!

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LadyG · 09/09/2007 00:28

Dear adamamum
I am not aware of and have not posted on any of your threads but I do feel humbled by your last post. It is very clear to me that you are grateful for any genuine advice you have received but are just feeling a bit `bruised' right now.

I hope you come back at some point. I work, have involved family and a great husband. I still find Mumsnet an invaluable resource. In your situation I can see how the hard job you do and the isolation make it even more so-so please don't be too put off by a few unhelpful comments.

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BrassicMonkey · 09/09/2007 00:30

Adamadamum - you sound like you could do with all the support you can get. Why cut off your nose to spite your face like this?

As you said in your OP "I know there are plenty of nice, genuine mumsnetters too", so ignore the bits that piss you off, remember that everyone has the occasional bad day and concentrate on the support and compassion you've received on here.

You could use MN to your advantage. I'm not in the exact same circumstances as you but I certainly don't fit into the perceived MN norm of middle-class and happily married with NT children either. In fact most of us don't!

I haven't read the whole thread so I don't know if there's a particular issue that this is related to. Regardless, my advice would be to forget it and carry on posting.

I've received the most fantastic support on MN, supprot that I couldn't have even hoped to have received elsewhere but I've had my fair share of criticism too. You just have to take it on the chin.

I hope you change your mind and continue posting as you would have done if you hadn't started this thread.

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Aitch · 09/09/2007 00:33

oh GOD, sarahgg. how the hell did you take that from what i wrote? god i am SICK of chippy people on MN.

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