Can't afford a baby. Nearly crying as I type this.

[arimelda]

Honestly, HOW do people afford childcare costs?

I have an awesome job that I worked very, very hard to get. I have guaranteed potential to move up once I've completed my degree. I don't want to sacrifice my job. I'm also the breadwinner.

We only have £700 a month leftover between us after all bills have gone out. We only have one car that we share. We can't cut anymore costs unless we started eating air.

We wouldn't be able to afford the £1000 per month for daycare. If one of us stayed at home, we wouldn't be able to afford to eat.

No grandparents who can look after the baby because they can't afford to retire.

I know people talk about tax credits for childcare, but what do these actually do?

I'm nearly 30 and beginning to wonder if my financial position will improve in time to beat the biological clock...

Thank so much....

Admittedly my daughter is 18 now but I was in a similar situation. No family to help. Major breadwinner, earnt more than DH who was temping in an office. Couldn't afford to be a SAHM as no tax credits then and we probably wouldn't have qualified anyway, we earnt just over the threshold.

We survived as follows:

1. I saved £10, 000 so could afford to "pay" myself the same salary whilst on mat leave so we could still meet the bills
2. Went back to work full time after 9 months. My then employer paid my childcare for 2 years if I went back full time as opposed to part time (I know this is not an option for you but wanted you to know that it IS difficult for everyone)
3. Sold everything we had on eBay
4. Made do with 2nd hand stuff
5. Used a childminder. We couldn't have afforded nurseries but then I don't really like nursery care anyway, a childminder cares for a mix of ages in her own home so it's more like growing up with siblings. And they are LOADS cheaper in Scotland anyway. We met ours through a friend and sorted it all out when I was about 5 months pregnant so there was no stress
6. When I went back to work I took advantage of employer funded tax credits in childcare. This is similar to the childcare voucher scheme they have now. A portion of my salary went tax free into a sort of "Bank account" and so did the tax I would have paid. So every £1 I saved was worth £1.25. Think my employer also chipped in. The account was a virtual pot of money that could only be used to pay a childcare provider. They had to register and then got paid from the account every week. So every £130 I paid them was only costing me £100
7. Free hours of nursery care is all very well but DO be aware that hardly any childminders offer this as they can't afford it. They get paid an hourly equivalent rate by the Govt which is usually much lower than they charge normally so actually make a loss in real terms so it's not popular. Nurseries are more likely to support the scheme as they have more children and economies of scale but then their childcare fees are higher so what you gain on the swings you lose on the roundabouts
8. Once your child is old enough for school use breakfast clubs and out of school clubs. They will drop off and collect your child from school and even do meals and those run by the local Council are NOT expensive
9. Investigate working from home because even one day a week you could save on childcare. Doing this combined with the clubs and DH doing flexible working and eventually becoming self employed meant we did away with the childminder when my DD was about 6 and just relied on the clubs and flexible working to get through. Once they are at High School they take themselves everywhere after the first week and its a doddle.

We could only afford one and have NO MONEY but we muddled through and it was not so bad. One benefit of being poor is that you kids learn to make do and be thrifty. It's the one quality of DD that I appreciate more than anything. She is at University now and feeds herself on about £20 a week. I have no idea how she does it.

Most companies won't allow working from home in place of childcare - I've seen the clause in loads of employment contracts over the years where working from home is encouraged. Something to do with health and safety on one hand - danger to small children if you are distracted by work and also an employer isn't going to get the same level of work if you have a kid running around

(I did try it when DC was 4-6 months on a trial period with boss one day a week - the minute they started crawling it was impossible to work and I wasn't being fair to my child or my boss)

You have a very responsible job. I wonder whether they might be conducive to letting you drop a day a week? Or whether it might be poss to work from home so you can be online but fit things around?

Childmindering is generally done in the childminder's house and it's a good idea to have a look round several until you find the one you are comfortable with.

Your dog food sounds a lot have you got a St Bernard or something? We have 2 big bags shipped down from Scotland for £35 and lasts 2 months.

Never a right time for a baby financially speaking ... Aureum is right.

OP has left the thread l think. She chose to keep the dogs earlier upthread.
Sometimes it’s hard hearing the opinions expressed on here especially when it’s something as difficult as this. I wouldn’t want to be in her position.
I am a dog lover, but maybe the advice to think about the money it took to keep the dogs over having a baby was a painful to hear.
Good luck to you OP. Hope it works out for you.

You've got enough spare cash to shove two hundred notes under your mattress and piss another hundred and seventy up the wall if you so choose. You have a car. You have expensive pets.

You aren't broke. You just don't want to compromise.

I'd rather just not have kids if getting rid of my dogs is the only option
You put dogs above children, that's a bad message to send to a child:(

I had my first DC while renting and bought when he was 2.
You can do it it you want to.
There's no degree requirement. You don't need to own a house. You don't even need a partner. Millions of women in UK alone have babies in these circumstances. Loved, happy children.
The advice on this thread is offensive. #Stepford wives

How about the 2 of you get an extra weekend job.Save that,give it a year and take it from there.

Plus is there any chance of you getting a mortgage on the place you are renting now.

If you sit and think about it very few people can afford children, but it is prioritising and they just cope. Yes your life will change but be enriched. Could you consider moving somewhere cheaper for a start?

As other posters, the thing I’m most concerned here is the intention to bring a baby into a house with massive dogs. This is highly irresponsible, to say the least.

Me too, unless you live in a massive house with a huge garden for them to let off steam.

Why are you saving if you also have debts?
You haven't actually shared the key info which is how much you and your partner earn, and what debts you have.
Two working adults with no significant health issues, earning a decent combined income, paying rent of £500/month, should be able to afford a child.
Does your employer offer enhanced maternity pay? If you're the higher earner it would probably make sense for you to take maternity leave for as long as you have decent pay (this depends on the package offered, if any) and then go back to work while your partner takes parental leave.
After you are both back at work you will be able to get some kind of help with childcare costs; if eligible for UC you can get up to 85% covered, and if not eligible you can use tax free childcare instead which covers 20%.
If you're a financial controller you can do the sums!
Many people have children with much less money but it's a question of priorities.

She said they rent from her parents and pay only £550/month.

Thank you.

This is most people's biggest outgoing and if normally much more. I was going to suggest that things would get easier once OP had bought a house as mortgage payment are lower than rent but this isn't going to be the case.

Not nice to hear but if you are struggling with cheap subsidised rent then you probably won't be able to afford a child anytime soon.

And to everyone saying just go for it there is never a right time, just don't.

I don't think she's coming back. But this is a stupid thing to say from another poster.

Posters claiming having pets is preventing you because of the expense... cos a can of dogfood costs as much as a nanny, of course.

The cost of keeping a dog isn't just food. A vet visit costs £30 for my cat before they've even done anything. Annual boosters about £60-80 per animal. Flea and worm treatment every few weeks £20. Food £50 a month. Insurance would probably be about £10-15 a month per animal. If we ignore grooming and dog walking costs on top, we are looking at hundreds of pounds a year. The baby would probably be cheaper.

The baby would probably be cheaper no it really wouldn’t- childcare is between £45-£110 a day near me, before food and clothes ffs- combined with a maternity leave

@arimelda what are your salaries? This might help people understand what you are dealing with. Also if they're on a similar salary can say how they manage.

The baby would probably be cheaper.

Yes, having a baby and being financially responsible for their care, clothing, food, activities and education for at least 18 years is so much cheaper than having a dog, because, you know, all that dog food.

£50 for our dog's food

There's one economy to be made, get cheaper dog food or get rid of the dog, it's hardly an essential.

I don’t think a lot of people can afford a baby on paper, yet somehow they manage!

If you want them and are going to wait for the future, I really would suggest getting your fertility checked to be as sure as you can be that time will be kind - I started ttc at 26, went for ivf at 31 and had low ovarian reserve despite coming from a family of women who have no fertility issues and had babies at late 30’s to mid 40’s with ease.

Without knowing incomings/outgoings it’s impossible to suggest ways to cut back or make changes, but £700 disposable income a month for 3 seems ok.

Plenty of people rent, long term. For some reason, it’s seen as a negative in the uK whereas in a lot of Europe (thinking Germany of a country that has high rental take up), renting is seen as the norm.

Therefore, whilst your salaries are lower, and until you promote, why don’t you stop saving £200 month for a mortgage and carry on renting? That would go a good way towards childcare. And you will have maternity leave don’t forget.

Check out ‘Lara Joanna Jarvis’ on YouTube - mum of 2 and saving hard for their first mortgage and has just had an entire ‘no spend year’ in 2019.

I’d say in the first years of a child’s life, all you need to give them is the the necessary basics (plus love obviously) and until they’re about 9, they don’t really need loads of ‘stuff’.

There are so many baby basics you also don’t need.
You don’t need a baby bath (just use a flannel on the base of bath to sit them on), you don’t need a Moses crib (just buy one cot bed that will last through until they’re about 5), you don’t need a ton of outfits (baby grows are fine for ages), you don’t need a brand new buggy etc.

No matter what we earn, if you always think ‘can we afford a baby?’, the answer will always be no! The older they get, the more demanding they become but then it becomes about setting them limits, getting part time jobs when they’re teens etc. By then, you will be earning more anyway.

Also, if you are keen to buy your own house, check out the government scheme that helps you buy your first house. Or look at shared ownership to begin with.

So you are approaching 30 ,Not old these days as far as TTC is concerned ! Why not try and save as much as you can .In a year or two , see if you can get the mortgage sorted out .You will be in a much better position then .Some mortgages allow overpayments /underpayments holidays from payments etc .You could possibly look at having a lodger/Student ? It has never been easy with children ,they cost a lot but are well worth it .Maybe try a cheaper supermarket /shop on Ebay make truffles/coconut ice /peppermint creams for homemade gifts ,in a pretty jam jar with some ribbon)those with the checked lid are good) Cut /colour your own hair (I hate hairdressers) and bought some really sharp H/D scissors on line .Lots of very good products to colour hair for under £10.00! Could DP cycle / walk /lift share at all ? even some days will help .Lentils are cheap and nutrtious and about a third of the price of mince !

@crystal1717
#Stepford wives
Most of the advice on this thread is the exact opposite of being a stepford wife.
It is about OP having as much control over her life as possible.
Finishing her degree significantly increases her earning potential as she says herself.
Buying her house means she is no longer saving for the deposit and isn't subject to the whims of a landlord.
It is possible to have dc many different ways but it is hardly unthinking conformity to suggest that being in a higher earning, debt free, stable housing situation is optimal as a starting point.

Also, when I was pregnant with our first child, for that whole 9 months, we saved my wages and lived off DH’s - that allowed us to practice living off just one wage.....and it was fine!

We have had periods of having to save to build up our savings and just by not going out, missing an annual holiday, not buying new clothes unless they wear out, meal budgeting, not buying a single birthday gift for family over £10 etc, we saved a shed load of cash.

It may seem tight, but you will manage. Lots of us have had children before being 'secure'. It's risky to wait until you are better off. That day may never come or you may find out you have firtility problems. Buying a house if you can first is sensible, but not essential.

Can you give us a breakdown of your income and expenditure? I don't understand why you have so little left when your rent is so low and there are two of you working.

Would your folks sell the property to you?

Have you costed out reducing yours and dh work to 4 days per week, opposite ends, then only requiring childcare Tues weds and Thurs?