Can't afford a baby. Nearly crying as I type this.

[arimelda]

Honestly, HOW do people afford childcare costs?

I have an awesome job that I worked very, very hard to get. I have guaranteed potential to move up once I've completed my degree. I don't want to sacrifice my job. I'm also the breadwinner.

We only have £700 a month leftover between us after all bills have gone out. We only have one car that we share. We can't cut anymore costs unless we started eating air.

We wouldn't be able to afford the £1000 per month for daycare. If one of us stayed at home, we wouldn't be able to afford to eat.

No grandparents who can look after the baby because they can't afford to retire.

I know people talk about tax credits for childcare, but what do these actually do?

I'm nearly 30 and beginning to wonder if my financial position will improve in time to beat the biological clock...

Thank so much....

SINCE WHEN do you need a mortgage to have kids
You don’t. But if you WANT to buy a house you need do it before having a baby. Otherwise you’ll probably have to put it off for 5-10 years.

OP you need to plan out your full timeline for everything including mortgage and multiple children. I thought I had loads of time so I saved for a house first, started TTC at 35, got pregnant at 36 and had my first child at 37. Only then did I realise that it was too late to have any more. I needed a couple of years to physically recover, and we can’t possibly afford childcare for two children so we’d be unable to have a second until the first went to school. By that time I’ll be 42 and unlikely/risky to conceive.

@Lipperfromchipper

*you need to-

1. Finish your degree!!
2. Work up the “career” ladder
3. Keep saving and get a house/mortgage
4. Get married/ have a baby*

Try telling that to the many, many women who get to their late 30s and find they have difficulty TTC.

In an ideal world, I would agree with you, but OP is having to play the cards she has in her hand.

I think in her 50s, she would regret not having a baby far more than she would regret not making the most of her career. Unfortunately, she doesn't really have the time for both.

FWIW, I say this as a woman who is happy with her brood, but I do sometimes kick myself for not having got cracking earlier.

I could probably have got at least another one in before I got to the stage of really feeling too old.

Imagine getting to say, 38 and realising you will never have a child of your own. How sad that would be, to know things would have been different had you prioritised children.

Remember it's actually pretty short term - 2 years. Year 1 you're on maternity leave, year 2&3 are childcare filled and expensive then from age 3 the dc gets 30 hours free and then it's school. I never thought we could afford dc but v then suddenly dh and I both got party rises. We went for dd2 and pregnancy was twins so 3 under 3s in childcare. I've no idea how we afforded it but we managed somehow (soup and beans on toast featured pretty heavily). How close are you to buying? Mortgage is often cheaper than rent.

Could your DP get a second job to increase savings. He could do bar work in the evenings or something at weekends? I had two jobs years which helped me get a house.

Your initial question isn't really fair is it?

What you're actually saying is you can't afford to keep expensive dogs AND save up for a mortgage AND have a baby.

You've posted an idle concern/rant (if you really wanted to make this work, you are already earning enough to make it work) not realizing that some people reading this have much harder choices to make.

You sound quite immature.

You are young, so you’ve got that going for you. Many people are having kids in their late thirties to mid forties. Save up, progress in your career before you start trying. This might prove more difficult if you decide to have children now.

@DCOkeford a lot of women can do all of that by the time the hit 26...she already has a partner and she is ALREADY saving for a mortgage, so all she needs to do is focus on finishing her degree (so I presume she has already started it) and work for a year or two (she could’ve pregnant for one of those years!) it’s really not a bad plan... MANY women only have their first baby in their late 20’s/early 30’s!!

When dh and I got married I had just graduated. He was mid 20s. We worked out we couldn't afford a baby. Yet we had a baby and we were skint but managed. Now we have two kids and are much better off 13 years later BUT we prioritised having kids over everything. We were lucky and already had a house and mortgage but deliberately chose a house that didn't stretch us so we could be closer to being able to afford a baby! It was out everything. If you want to do other stuff first that's fine but then put this on the shelf instead of agonising over it. Finish degree, get promoted, get mortgage have a baby - or whatever - but it doesn't sound like you'd be ready for a baby at this point anyways?

Universal Credit.

At one point, both DH and I were working full-time, with a toddler.

There's no way we would have been able to do that and cover the childcare costs, but UC covered 85%.

Many people are having kids in their late thirties to mid forties

They're really not, pregnancies post 40 are very much not the norm.

@PineappleDanish she didn’t say the dogs were equivalent to children? She said that if the only way she could afford to have children would be to rehome the dogs, then she’d rather not have children. Which wouldn’t be everyone’s decision, but is hardly immature?

You're not yet 30 so time is on your side, for now anyway.

How long will it take to complete your degree and become more stable / move up a level at work? If it's less than five years, I'd get that done, then start TTC. You'll be in a much stronger position to take time off and come back, or go part-time, if you're established and valued.

Why are you 'the breadwinner'? Why such a fixed view of your positions, at such a young age? What can your DP do to improve his earnings and career prospects? Your position will be much better if either of you could support the household, temporarily at least.

Save what you can. Do what you need to to reduce your rent / mortgage and get yourself living somewhere you'd be happy to spend time with DCs. Being able to walk to local toddler groups, doctors, shops, parks etc makes a big difference.

Look into the maternity packages at your workplace and potential alternative workplaces. Get yourself into the best possible position.

The pre-school years are short. Lots of people effectively work for nothing to keep their career alive. It picks up again quickly afterwards.

Remember, the biggest costs of parenthood are not buying 'stuff', they are lost income and the compound effects of lost / delayed career progression.

How much is your rent, what sort of place are you renting? DH and I lived in studios several years, first as a couple and then with a baby, in order to be able to afford it. Needs must.

I managed it on my own so it can be done. Ds’s dad turned out to be financially abusive.

I Worked full time, £675 on rent, £750 on childminder, no nights out, no takeaways, few clothes, no pets, a lot of beans on toast etc.

If you really want it, you’ll cope.

Why would you have a baby before finishing your degree? That's just crazy.

What about working compressed hours so you save childcare fees but don't lose income

To make childcare costs work we each worked compressed hours over 4 days so both worked full time but only needed 3 days of nursery.

Also it is only for a few years and then free hours kicks in.

And it only takes a few moves up the career ladder for things to feel much more comfortable

@Lipperfromchipper

Perhaps, but OP is already nearly 30. With the benefit of hindsight, It's not a risk I would take tbh.

I did focus on my career, and while I don't exactly regret it, I would have preferred to have a couple more DCs than the career 'success' that didn't really make me happy anyway.

I agree its a difficult balance to strike, but having seen the heartache caused when couples are unable to conceive at all, I think its far too important a thing to gamble with.

Why would you have a baby before finishing your degree? That's just crazy

Degrees can be completed in your 40s/50s, even 60s.

Fertility waits for no (wo)man

Also are you renting the tiniest cheapest place you can at the moment? that's how I put enough aside to buy. I mean really tiny- it was a v small studio flat on a main road with dodgy neighbours!

Having said that, I wouldn't wait until you're 35+ before TTC. If you struggle and find you need help, you need a few years in hand and/or trying by 35 could turn out to have made a big difference. So I'd wait to 33 or 34 but not to 35.

I'm a SAHP for the reason that childcare costs plus the cost of running a second car (which was unavoidable when I was working) was more than my wage. We have a less disposable income than you after our bills are paid and get by just fine, with still money going into savings and treats and kids activities (swimming, ballet, piano). Raising children takes sacrifice, we give up takeaways, nights out, luxuries like getting hair/nails/eyebrows done etc, holidays abroad, new clothes (for me and husband as much as we can get away with). Its hard sometimes but it's only temporary. Once youngest is in school (we dont qualify for 30 free hours at aged 3) I'll be working again and we'll have 2 incomes again to have a bit more and do a bit more.

Also worth entitledto.co.uk to work out what benefits you would receive and play about with your hours and wages to see what way youd be better off.

I know how you feel @arimelda, I felt it was similarly impossible a couple of years ago too.

However, I've managed to move jobs a couple of times since then and am now in a position where I would be able to pay for childcare when necessary.

How long until you finish your degree? If it's only a couple of years I would definitely wait until that's done since you're not even 30. Plus a baby would make passing the degree harder in itself anyway.

Also, what about your OH - is there any potential he can increase his earnings? Could either of you pick up an evening job a couple of nights a week so you can boost your savings and get your mortgage quicker? Or change that mortgage fund to a baby fund and then focus on buying a place once your child is in funded nursery or school.

I actually think you're in a pretty good position here - £500 a month for rent is great.

There is always a way .