My kids were bumped by a car whilst in their pushchair (are OK) but how would you react?

[adamadamum]

Yesterday we were going on a trip with DD's nursery and close to the nursery I stopped for a moment to check something. It's a quiet side road and I stopped just inside a church car park next door to the nursery. There were no cars, and as I said it's a very quiet road, but I still felt safer parking the buggy there than on the narrow pavement, ironically.

Basically a car came into the car park when I had my back turned for a moment, and suddenly my kids were jolted by this car, not injured thank God, but someone had hit the buggy and knocked it (and obvously them) a foot or two...AND CARRIED ON DRIVING! Slowly it has to be said, I know it wasn't a dramatic hit and run, the driver had pulled into the car park to park there, but it was only when I was banging on her window shouting "You've just hit my children!" that she realised! She had no idea of what she had just done.

She was a rather senior lady let's say, and obviously felt terrible about it, and the kids were fine (more upset by my sudden outburst than anything!), and she was shaken when she knew what she had done, but how forgiving should I be?

A lovely member of staff from the nursery came over, and put her arm around the woman and told her not to worry as no harm was done etc., and not to let this put her off driving. We had already exchanged numbers and the woman said she would appreciate if I could call her on our return from the day out, to reassure her that everyone was fine. I said I would try - I kind of felt obliged to be more polite than I wanted to be because of the nursery teacher being so nice to her!!!

But all sympathy seemed to be for her rather than us...she rammed into my kids pushchair - we were stationary in an empty car-park fgs!

The lovely nursery woman, who I know quite well, later suggested that if I liked she would phone this woman to reassure her that all was well, and to try to make sure this didn't knock her confidence as a driver...anyway I forgot to give her the number so she couldn't and last night I was glad, as I am not sure I want to encourage her to continue driving after hitting my children! They weren't hurt, but they could have been, or worse. By the way she said she didn't see us, and as I said she didn't even notice that she had hit my kids.

Well, how sympathetic would you be? How angry would you be? What would your reaction be?

Am I right not to want to phone her and reassure her? to be too angry to?

I wouldn't phone her to reassure her and tbh I would actually tell the nursery worker that she was wrong to encourage the lady to continue driving.
My dad is 77 and still drives and tbh I don't think he should He hates the idea of not driving but he just doesn't have the same reactions that he did even 3 years ago.
What age was the driver?

I would have been really pissed off, particularly with the nursery worker. If she really didn't notice she'd bumped your children she shouldn't be driving.

This must have been very stressful for you.

I am a polite well spoken woman, but turn into a raving lioness at the merest hint of danger to my children!

I think I would have been intially really really mad and shouted just like you did, but then if I'd seen the driver was old and really shaken by it, then I probably would have calmed down a bit (although not much!)..having said that though, I wouldn't have taken kindly to the 'reassuring her about her driving' comment from the staff though!!! Although I probably would ring to let her know all was ok as if it was me that accidently hit a pushchair, I would have needed to know all was ok....

If you do ring, make sure you ask for address to send leaflets for refresher driving lessons - sounds like she could do with some!

You are right to be angry but I think you should also call her. It was bad of the woman but not willful.

I once nearly (didn't make contact) reversed into a lad mucking about behind my car with his bike. He was crouching down between parked cars and I only realised when his parents hammered on my window as I was reversing to pull out of the parking space. I couldn't see him at all.

I felt dreadfuk but I don't think it was my fault and certainly I hadn't intended to try and run some poor infant cyclist down just as this woman would not have wanted to harm your dc. Could she see you?

similar thing happened ot me a few years ago except I was crossing a road when it happened....and the woman didn't even say sorry -even when two (very large scary looking blokes) stopped her and told her what she'd done - just said "you ok" and drove off !

I was FURIOUS at the woman (and shaken too) for AGES, however I think if she'd shown at least an ounce of sympathy/sorrow for what she'd done I would probably have felt differently.

totally impossible to know how I'd react. but I wouldn;t jump to the "you mustn't let it knock your confidence" approach. tbh that's pretty ridiculous. i would however have some sympathy I think - mainly because it must be very hard to cope with the idea that perhaps your driving is deteriorating. are you strong-willed but kind enough to be direct with her "I appreciate that in no way were you deliberately reckless but I'm a bit worried that you didn;t realise what you had done. Is there someone you could talk to - gp or family perhaps - and discuss your driving with? it's really important - for you as well - to be sure it's ok" easy to post that on here - difficult perhaps in practice...but it would plague me if I didn;t give her a gentle nudge to take some advice

I would definatly ring the lady especially as you promised you would but, maybe leave it a couple of days until you have calmed down (BTW I would of been LIVID) Maybe you could suggest to her that she could do with some driving lessons, not quite sure how you could word that though in a sympathetic manner, although she is probably going to be hyper aware now. Do you think the Nursery lady was so concerned with the old lady because you shouted at her.

good idea about the leaflets/hint for refresher lessons

I am terrified that my dad will hurt someone because it would literally, ruin the rest of his life. He would never get over it. If this happened to him and it was the impetus needed for him to stop driving then he would be lucky.

Alycat, I am quite shy but with my kids in danger I turn into a harpie. {blush]

I don't know her age but I would guess about the same as your dad! I can understand how shaken she was, but I was and still am shaken about it myself, and after all we were the victims!!!

Don't want to cause an old lady a heart attack through shock or anything which is probably partly why my nursery member was so nice to her, but if she can drive slowly into an otherwise empty car park and manage to hit two kids in a double buggy, without even realising she had done anything, personally I think she should rip up her driving liscence! I don't want to be nasty to an old lady who was very obviously full of remorse, but she still hit my kids. She drives other old ladies around, I think she said she's church warden or something.

Part of me feels like reporting her to wherever to get her tested again if they do that (I don't drive, wouldn't know!)

I think we do need to have some kind of secondary driving test when you pass a certain age tbh...bugger age discrimination, its a fact that your reactions get slower as you get older and I think you need to be tested to make sure you are still safe on the road!

I agree.

bollocks to checking the elderly woman was ok-!!!! for heavans sake, she hit your children!!!!thank god(or who-ever) no harm came to them, but this should shake up the driver!!!
i get sssooooo cross at being made to feel i should forgive people all the damn time...as women sometimes i think we are conditioned to do it too much! why the hell feel anything else but the instinct to protect your children in this sort of incident, plenty of time to calm down later...away from dangerous drivers!! if there had been any damage to children or push chair, i would have called the police!! and demanded they speak to the driver!!!!! oh, i'm so cross!

all my dad had to do at 70 (75?) was have his eyes tested by GP and count backwards from 10. However he was ok to drive.

Friends run a care home and they tried to get the GP to remove the license of an old chap, he said 'good for him to drive' 2 weeks later he crashed into a parked car outside a school - mother had just got out with kids - and wrote both cars off. He went into shock, went doolally and died a month or so later.

We def need to be strickter with older drivers...like my MIL...

The nursery lady, who by the way knows us well, wasn't there when it happened, I didn't really shout except for trying to get her attention and the nursery lady as I said wouldn't have heard even if I had, she wasn't that nearby,someone else actually got her for me - I omitted some details just to shorten the story. As soon as I had got her to open her car window there was no need to shout. Though I believe I would have had every right to!

I never promised to phone her! She said she would be grateful if I would, I said I would try if I had time after getting the kids to bed, and anyway, she has MY NUMBER TOO...she could always call me!

And I am sure most drivers would have had no problem seeing a mum, with two children in a double buggy, in broad daylight, in an otherwise completely empty car park.

If she couldn't see us then she definitely needs her eyes testing.

Oh hang on - if she has your number, she should def be the one calling you!! I was hit by a motorbike when I was 11 (not the drivers fault, just on of those things) and he was devasted - rang the hospital on a regular basis to see how I was etc

I know several elderly drivers who could so very easily have done this. Forget about reassuring her about her driving. Most of the ones I know shouldn't be behind a wheel any more and if that had happened to any of them, I would say they should think about continuing to drive - not to have seen a stationary pushchair in a car park with kids in it? Not to know you've hit it, no matter how gently. No, she doesn't need reassurance that your kids are OK, she needs to think seriously about her driving capability and whether she should still be doing it. Perhaps she only needs new glasses, but she needs to think about how to best avoid doing anything like that again. This time she (and you) were lucky. My step-father in law, in an automatic, accidentally leapt backwards from a stationary position in an almost empty carpark, crashed into a wall and nearly flattened a council worker on the way (who luckily jumped out of the way). Did he stop driving? Did he do anything at all about it? Actually he bought a bigger car because he thought he'd be safer in it. I, too, think there should be statutory tests after 70, every two years at the least.

actually, thinking about it i have called the police in a similar incident.
i was half hanging out of the car putting the seatbelts on the children, when a dork parked next to me and brushed my foot with his car. how could he not see me- i have a large car and an even larger arse!!! to cut a long story short, the police advised him to take more care in future. and have advised him, to never park near me again!!!

AAM, sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel worse, I totally agree she could have easily rang you (I didn't know she had your number), but I would ring her even if its to get her address as crookshanks said so that you could send her refresher leaflets.

the woman that hit DS2's pushchair (and buckled the wheel!) coudln't have been more than 40-50yrs old.

Not at all. She should be discouraged.

Thegirlwithnoname I already have her address, she actually gave me an address sticker thing. I know she must feel terrible, but she micht feel even worse if it happens again, and of course, could totally ruin lives. I think there's a limit to how nice you should be to someone just because they are a sweet old dear full of remorse, but it's a hard one!

My gut feeling is she shouldn't be on the road though, if she can have such an accident, not notice a double buggy, then not notice she has hit it!!!

I agree with you...how would you feel about ringing her and gently bringing up that perhaps she needs some refresher lessons, eye test etc - I can tell you are worried she may do something similar and next time, the people she hits may not be so lucky....