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Original poster

My kids were bumped by a car whilst in their pushchair (are OK) but how would you react?

145 replies

adamadamum · 23/08/2007 23:56

Yesterday we were going on a trip with DD's nursery and close to the nursery I stopped for a moment to check something. It's a quiet side road and I stopped just inside a church car park next door to the nursery. There were no cars, and as I said it's a very quiet road, but I still felt safer parking the buggy there than on the narrow pavement, ironically.

Basically a car came into the car park when I had my back turned for a moment, and suddenly my kids were jolted by this car, not injured thank God, but someone had hit the buggy and knocked it (and obvously them) a foot or two...AND CARRIED ON DRIVING! Slowly it has to be said, I know it wasn't a dramatic hit and run, the driver had pulled into the car park to park there, but it was only when I was banging on her window shouting "You've just hit my children!" that she realised! She had no idea of what she had just done.

She was a rather senior lady let's say, and obviously felt terrible about it, and the kids were fine (more upset by my sudden outburst than anything!), and she was shaken when she knew what she had done, but how forgiving should I be?

A lovely member of staff from the nursery came over, and put her arm around the woman and told her not to worry as no harm was done etc., and not to let this put her off driving. We had already exchanged numbers and the woman said she would appreciate if I could call her on our return from the day out, to reassure her that everyone was fine. I said I would try - I kind of felt obliged to be more polite than I wanted to be because of the nursery teacher being so nice to her!!!

But all sympathy seemed to be for her rather than us...she rammed into my kids pushchair - we were stationary in an empty car-park fgs!

The lovely nursery woman, who I know quite well, later suggested that if I liked she would phone this woman to reassure her that all was well, and to try to make sure this didn't knock her confidence as a driver...anyway I forgot to give her the number so she couldn't and last night I was glad, as I am not sure I want to encourage her to continue driving after hitting my children! They weren't hurt, but they could have been, or worse. By the way she said she didn't see us, and as I said she didn't even notice that she had hit my kids.

Well, how sympathetic would you be? How angry would you be? What would your reaction be?

Am I right not to want to phone her and reassure her? to be too angry to?

OP posts:
McEdam · 24/08/2007 16:39

I would report to the police and ask for their advice. Not sure about the car park thing. There was an MNer whose husband was prosecuted for drink driving in a car park so they clearly aren't completely beyond the law.

Rhubarb · 24/08/2007 16:41

I wonder what would have happened if one of the children had been injured? Would they still have comforted the old lady?

It's worth mentioning this to your nursery leader. And fwiw, I would phone her and say your kids are fine but they could have been seriously injured by her driving and you suggest she takes an eye test or re-considers driving altogether.

handlemecarefully · 24/08/2007 16:43

Actually on reflection, I would also be tempted to say something to the Nursery Manager about the 'lovely' member of nursery staff

dustystar · 24/08/2007 16:46

I rang the police after an old women hit my car twice in a supermarket carpark. She had no idea at all - she hit another car too. If she had reversed a minute earlier she would have hit ds who was about 2 at the time. The police said there was nothing they could do about it. i explained that i wasn't trying to make a claim (there was no real damage for a start) but i was concerned that she was a danger to herself and others behind the wheel of a car and shouldn't be on the road. They said they couldn't do anything at all

handlemecarefully · 24/08/2007 16:55

That's terrible. However adamadamum - please report it any way. You may get a more proactive response from the police

dustystar · 24/08/2007 16:57

I agree you should report it anyway.

Isababel · 24/08/2007 17:04

How is it possible that they have the mechanisms to identify, search, contact, fine, prosecute, etc etc a person who was driving a few miles over the speed limit, in a deserted motorway, but they can't be bothered to do anything about someone who was short of killing a child in a pushchair?

dustystar · 24/08/2007 17:06

IIRC they said she actually had to hurt someone before they could intervene. Damage to property on private land didn't count.

Rhubarb · 24/08/2007 17:09

If you get talking to the right policeperson, they will agree to phoning the person and giving them a ticking off. Which might well work with an old person.

handlemecarefully · 24/08/2007 17:15

Exactly rhubarb - there may be no action the police can take as such, but they are able to visit the lady or phone her for a friendly chat at the very least (which could encompass the discussion about suitability / appropriateness of continuing to drive)

McEdam · 24/08/2007 17:22

Or you could approach the church, since she's a warden or something - maybe the Vicar could have a word. With her and possibly her doctor, too.

Original poster
adamadamum · 24/08/2007 18:58

The thing about the woman from the nursery is she has really been fantastic to me in the past, really supportive at times of crisis. She really IS lovely. But I still think she was wrong to consoll the old lady more than she did me! The old lady was visibly sha64k53ing though...

OP posts:
Original poster
adamadamum · 24/08/2007 19:00

That was supposed to say visibly shaking, my DS added his bit...

OP posts:
BrownSuga · 24/08/2007 19:09

i think i'd report it, if you have her details as a concerned citizen. at her age and apparent lack of awareness, the next time she may do some serious damage, including to herself.

youpeskykids · 24/08/2007 19:29

Not read all the threads here, but Adamadamum, I would have been absolutely furious, both with the elderly driver and also with the nursery nurse.

How dare the nursery nurse err on the side of the elderly incompetent driver? Sorry, but I am not a fan of elderly drivers. I think I would have been more angry and upset by what COULD have happened.

I was at the doctors the other day and an elderly lady was being helped/assisted out of the surgery. It was clear she was very doddery and looked to be in her seventies. Her 'helper' then assisted her into a brand new small car which I noticed had dents, dings and a fair few scratches on it. On exiting the car park, this lady mounted the kerb whilst doing a 3 point turn, reversed into a hedge, and pulled out of the car park without looking, causing another driver to break sharply.

IMO these people are just as dangerous on the roads as young boy racers.

My grandad drove until he was in his seventies(mostly due to pride) and had a prang with a stationary car. Thankfully, this was enough to make him realise that his faculties and his reactions were not as quick as they needed to be to drive on today's busy roads, and chose not to drive again.

Whilst reassuring her that your children were fine, perhaps you should have pointed out to her what could have happened - who knows how many other near misses she's had? Might have been enough to make her think twice about driving.

McEdam · 24/08/2007 20:34

I imagine the nursery nurse just saw a distressed elderly lady and reacted with compassion. Clearly elderly lady should realise her driving is Not Up To Scratch but I wouldn't condemn the nursery nurse.

wishingmummy · 24/08/2007 21:10

please speak to your local police atation- what if this is the 6th time the woman has done this, or the first in a run of hitting other people by acident. i was in a private car park when i was hit by a car- only gently hit, but all the same- and the police still gave the driver a talking to- tell the police you've had time to reflect on the incident and you are unhappy with the outcame. what's to lose?

Original poster
adamadamum · 24/08/2007 21:24

Youpeskykids, she really was full of guilt already and feeling awful about what she had done, she in fact said to me she would have reacted the same if she was me, and said herself how terrible it was to hit my children, I can't remember exactly what she said but it was obvious that she herself was thinking about how much worse it could have been. I think she is well aware of that. The woman from the nursery, who as I said knows me very well and has been incredibly supportive to me at times when I really needed someone, was perhaps more supportive to the driver than to me because of the fact that it was an old lady, visibly shaken by the experience, and I maybe seemed less shaken by the time she arrived, simply because I had to try and calm my children down again - if I am upset, they are too. Maybe she should have realised why I didn't appear so shaken though! I had to get it together again for my kid's sake, as we were off on a day out and I didn't want them upset for ages on the way there. The fact that it is still so fresh in my mind that I had to let off steam through MN surely shows I bloody well AM shaken by it. And very, very angry, even though I can sympathise with how it may have effected the old lady.

OP posts:
evenhope · 24/08/2007 21:28

Another vote for reporting her. My grandad carried on driving into his 80s and only stopped when we begged him to- he was a danger to himself and everyone else.

The next person she hits may not be quite so lucky.

Original poster
adamadamum · 24/08/2007 22:17

The woman from the nursery, by the way, really has been a lifeline to me at times, so I didn't want to show my true feelings in front of her!! She has done incredible things for us, really gone the extra mile. She even drove us over 50 miles to see my father before he passed away last year. She is a very compassionate woman. The nursery is not your usual nursery (my DD has left now, on to big school in September!) but they are truly wonderful, do wonders with "SN" kids (like my DD) and exist because they are a charitable trust. They are Christians (not that I care, I am not religeous)and most of the staff there are Christian, and really do seem to be very kind and compassionate.

So I think this is why the woman from the nursery was so compassionate with the driver. Maybe she didn't realise that I was also somewhat shaken, I don't know!

OP posts:
NannyL · 24/08/2007 22:46

I would be furiouse too

and definitley call the police.

This woman is a danger on the road and neeeds to be stopped befoer she KILLS the next person

Original poster
adamadamum · 24/08/2007 23:10

Trouble is i am worried about the effect that a knock on the door from the police could have on her!

OP posts:
NannyL · 25/08/2007 09:10

adamamaum.... i really think you should be more concerned about the effect her driving could have on other innocent pedestrains, rather than how i would effect her.

The next people could be killed, and im sure if you read that in your local paper, you would be even more upset about not doing anything

She could have killed you children... (and it was only luck that they were not injured)

If she really cant cope talking to a police person then perhaps she shouldnt be driving

KITTENSOCKS · 25/08/2007 09:28

Call the police and ask for their advice at least. They will take it further if needs be, and may well recommend an eye test and reaction times of the lady in question to be measured. If this had happened to me and my child, I'd have wanted to know that this was purely an accident and not because she was unfit to drive.

winemakesmummyclever · 25/08/2007 10:06

I would at least get in touch with the community liason officer for your area and ask for advice on this issue. My dad (78 in a few months) is going for a driving assesment and medical after hitting parked cars on two occasions. To be fair, the second time was after a blown out tyre, but the point is that his reactions were too slow to cope with the situation. Myself and my sisters fully expect him to lose his licence as his health is getting worse and he's on bucketloads of medis (including MST). We've tried to reason with him, but he won't give up driving voluntarily. Quite honestly, it's going to be a nightmare for us all if he can't drive anymore, but it's a small price to pay to keep the roads a little bit safer. Hope you and your dc's are recovering from the stress.