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Parenting

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Original poster

My kids were bumped by a car whilst in their pushchair (are OK) but how would you react?

145 replies

adamadamum · 23/08/2007 23:56

Yesterday we were going on a trip with DD's nursery and close to the nursery I stopped for a moment to check something. It's a quiet side road and I stopped just inside a church car park next door to the nursery. There were no cars, and as I said it's a very quiet road, but I still felt safer parking the buggy there than on the narrow pavement, ironically.

Basically a car came into the car park when I had my back turned for a moment, and suddenly my kids were jolted by this car, not injured thank God, but someone had hit the buggy and knocked it (and obvously them) a foot or two...AND CARRIED ON DRIVING! Slowly it has to be said, I know it wasn't a dramatic hit and run, the driver had pulled into the car park to park there, but it was only when I was banging on her window shouting "You've just hit my children!" that she realised! She had no idea of what she had just done.

She was a rather senior lady let's say, and obviously felt terrible about it, and the kids were fine (more upset by my sudden outburst than anything!), and she was shaken when she knew what she had done, but how forgiving should I be?

A lovely member of staff from the nursery came over, and put her arm around the woman and told her not to worry as no harm was done etc., and not to let this put her off driving. We had already exchanged numbers and the woman said she would appreciate if I could call her on our return from the day out, to reassure her that everyone was fine. I said I would try - I kind of felt obliged to be more polite than I wanted to be because of the nursery teacher being so nice to her!!!

But all sympathy seemed to be for her rather than us...she rammed into my kids pushchair - we were stationary in an empty car-park fgs!

The lovely nursery woman, who I know quite well, later suggested that if I liked she would phone this woman to reassure her that all was well, and to try to make sure this didn't knock her confidence as a driver...anyway I forgot to give her the number so she couldn't and last night I was glad, as I am not sure I want to encourage her to continue driving after hitting my children! They weren't hurt, but they could have been, or worse. By the way she said she didn't see us, and as I said she didn't even notice that she had hit my kids.

Well, how sympathetic would you be? How angry would you be? What would your reaction be?

Am I right not to want to phone her and reassure her? to be too angry to?

OP posts:

fillyjonk · 25/08/2007 10:28

yes, I don't think she has been willfully bad or anything, but to carry on driving when you have actually hit a double buggy is negligent. I am assuming that the buggy was easily visible etc.

Everyone concerned was bloody lucky here. This may not be the case next time.

FWIW I think if I ever hit a buggy with 2 kids in it I wouldn't have the confidence to drive for a long time. I think I'd start by getting myself some more driving lessons.

I don't think this is about hurt feelings, I'm afraid. Its about road safety. Its about people being hurt and killed. Cars are dangerous things and if someone is fit to drive, then they can't. Hard as it may be for some people to manage without a car-and I utterly see how much driving could represent for an elderly person, freedom, mobility, social stuff etc-its not a right, its a privilege to be exercised responsibly.

I think you need to consider reporting this to-I dunno-perhaps the police? I know thats a really tricky thing, but what if she'd hit a small child who WASN'T in a buggy-and carried on driving?

fillyjonk · 25/08/2007 10:29

Typo there-If someone is NOT fit to drive, then they shouldn't.

not suggesting all competant drivers be taken off the road...

Original poster

adamadamum · 25/08/2007 21:19

I think I will either contact the police and see if they can heve a word with her nicely IYSWIM or write her a little letter telling her how upsetting it has been for me and reminding her (although she already knows - from things she said) of how serious it could have been.

To be honest one of the main things that put me off contacting the police sooner was because I am so grateful to the woman from the nursery for all of the help she has given me in the past, and even though my DD has now officially left (this was her last trip with them, off to big school in September)she is still offering help to us and will probably be taking us out somewhere local in a couple of weeks! She really goes the extra mile. I still think she was mistaken in her gut reaction to consoll the old lady rather than me, but she was very busy running all over the place organising things for the trip we were all about to go on, and as I said, the old lady was shaking...but who knows, was that shock or is she shakey all the time like my mother...

I guess in the shock of it I felt obliged to be nice to the old lady too! I like the nursery woman a lot (apart from this...) and stupidly I followed her lead, but she was mistaken and I was wrong to follow.

Fact is she could have killed or seriously injured my children and who knows if this is her first accident because she didn't notice something plainly obvious to most people...

OP posts:

Original poster

adamadamum · 25/08/2007 21:42

bump if you excuse the pun...not a great deal of humour intended...

OP posts:

Original poster

adamadamum · 25/08/2007 21:59

Does anyone know of a website that might have any stuff I can print off and send this driver?

OP posts:

Doodledootoo · 25/08/2007 22:04

Message withdrawn

Original poster

adamadamum · 25/08/2007 22:09

Doodledootoo how would you feel if someone hit your kids in an otherwise empty car park in broad daylight?

the fact that I am posting here surely shows you I feel no malice towards this old lady, but fgs she said she didn't see them, and didn't even notice that she had hit them!

OP posts:

Doodledootoo · 25/08/2007 22:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster

adamadamum · 25/08/2007 22:30

Thanks doodledootoo, I appreciate what you are saying. It's good really to hear oppinions different to most of the other ones I have had so far.

The kids weren't injured, no real harm done apart from to the nerves!

It's partly the question of whether this woman is going to do whatever she can to see if she is really still fit to drive, and also the fact that whether drunk, sober, old, young, if you can't notice a double buggy in broad daylight in a large, otherwise empty car park, and hit it without noticing, are you really safe behind a wheel?

I imagine she will either stop driving, or get her eyes tested and perhaps have a check up with her GP if she suspects her reflexes or whatever aren't as good as they were, or will pick herself up, dust herself down and possibly crash into something or someone else.

No-one with full faculties working properly, without alcohol or drugs, could have missed us.

she needs testing in some way. I posted because I am unsure of how to react but I feel I need to do something, but bearing in mind her age, I don't want the stress to harm her.

OP posts:

amidaiwish · 25/08/2007 23:02

errrr
nearly 2 years ago i was walking down a pedestrianised street with my 2 DDs in the buggy. Car parking is allowed on one side of the street at certain times of the day. Anyway, i was walking on one side of the road (on the "pavement" which was just demarked by a change in colour of block - all one level as mostly a pedestrianised street) when i saw a car pull out from a parking space on the other side. I thought he was pulling out a bit wide so decided to wait behind a big plant pot which was outside one of the restaurants. Anyway, he lost control of the car (a dry, clear day) and smashed into the plant pot, through a restaurant wall, smashed the front window and rebounded into my buggy with the 2 DDs in. Somehow i managed to hold onto the buggy and we were all ok. cont...

amidaiwish · 25/08/2007 23:03

cont...

Ambulance, police etc.... arrived. Appeared the man was 93 . I found out months later that he had got a new car from the insurance and was still driving! I just assumed that would be the end of it for him and i didn't claim on his insurance, even though my buggy was damaged and i had to have physio on my shoulder from holding onto a fully laden flying buggy! I was just so grateful the DDs were ok (DD2 was 5 weeks old at the time).

amidaiwish · 25/08/2007 23:04

anyway, am rambling - but my point is i wish i had made more of a fuss to the police and got him banned from driving / retested etc. I see him driving around - just hope he doesn't hurt anyone more seriously.

ratfly · 25/08/2007 23:13

havent read the whole thread, but I would be LIVID if this happened to me. she clearly isnt fit for driving if she can NOT NOTICE she has hit a buggy in a car park... She may be a real menace on the road - just think, if she doesnt notice this, what else may she not notice?
Can you call her, tell her the buggy is damaged and claim it off her insurance?
That might make he think more while driving.

Original poster

adamadamum · 25/08/2007 23:36

Amidaiwish, that is horrifying! What do you reckon I should do?

OP posts:

maisym · 25/08/2007 23:40

adamadamum - I'd call the police on this and get them to follow it up. If she can't spot a pushchair then she may have an accident and worse could happen.

Original poster

adamadamum · 25/08/2007 23:56

Maisym what do you think the police would do? I have no idea.

OP posts:

fillyjonk · 26/08/2007 07:44

adam

don't deal with this yourself, please.

go to the police

they are not going to knoack on her door at 3am with a warrant. I THINK I am correct in saying that there is no actual crime here, no one was hurt, your pushchair was undamaged.

But they will have experience of elderly drivers, they will have a community liason officer who will be trained in stuff like this.

In the nicest possible way, this is something that needs to be handled carefully. She needs to know that what she has done could have been very serious. She needs advice about whether to continue driving. This needs to be done in such a way as not to put her on the defensive.

tbh, I'd report to the police on the grounds that its a motor accident (ish) and I think technically all such cases need to go to the police.

Is there a reason why Nursery Woman needs to know, btw?

fillyjonk · 26/08/2007 07:46

oh also I reckon it needs to be done face to face, not by letter.

you need someeone not emotionally involved here.

am hoping faith in community liason officers is not misplaced, the ones round here always seemed excellent.

Original poster

adamadamum · 26/08/2007 15:42

I just called the police about it around 20 minutes ago. They said I should go to my nearest station but that would be really difficult for me, so I asked if they could send someone round. I am awaiting a phone call to hopefully confirm a visit.

I told them I don't want to get her into trouble, just want it all on record and to make sure she got her eyes tested and maybe her driving....!

OP posts:

amidaiwish · 26/08/2007 16:19

sorry only just logged back on, i agree with fillyjonk - that's the thing to do. It's got nothing to do with nursery woman.

yes it was horrifying, i had nightmares and flashbacks (with different endings for a couple of weeks. i still can't believe the DDs survived without a scratch. DD2's seat (she was in the front of a phil & ted's) was full of shards of glass, i was finding them for months. I think the design of the P&T saved her - she was up high as it was in newborn & toddler mode so the car hit the buggy below her legs. Luckily too you have to strap them in when in that mode, i often didn't worry about it in my old single buggy.

Doodledootoo · 26/08/2007 16:54

Message withdrawn

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 26/08/2007 17:05

If she was in her 30's I would have called the police there and then.

I go out of my way to keep my DS out of my parents car if I can. DM more so than Ddad.

amidaiwish · 26/08/2007 17:07

i think the point is this

"No-one with full faculties working properly, without alcohol or drugs, could have missed us"

so yes i would recommend following it up if she was in her 30's as i would suspect she was drunk.

purpleduck · 26/08/2007 17:28

You don't have to be one bit forgiving, or one bit sympathetic. If she cannot drive safely and responsibly, then she should not drive at all. [hardass eamotion]

fillyjonk · 26/08/2007 19:21

oh my god agree with bree, if a woman in her thirties hit my double pushchair the police would be there before her car had stopped moving.

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