To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

We don't have any childcare so my partner can't really do that either. It's a nightmare whilst they are small. He would definitely help me though when we are able to have some time to ourselves.

Ok. I feel the same about you you don't seem very nice. But thanks

The weather really isn’t so bad that you have to stop doing the things you did in summer. We’re still going out and about just as much. You just need to make sure everyone is dressed appropriately. Puddle suits are not warm. You need a proper winter coat and fleece lined waterproof over trousers, hat, gloves and scarf. You can also buy great waterproof snow boots.

There are much colder, darker countries and the kids still play outside.

Also, going back to work just to bay the child care costs is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Going to work is about much more than earning money. You might like being a SAHM but don’t rule out the benefits of working. Your life sounds very monotonous.

Can you move house so you’re closer to facilities/schools/shops/museums etc?

Learn to drive. You'll free up so much time and your little one won't be out in the cold

I am not a winter person and given the transport situation I wouldn't go anywhere much in the bad weather either. So, i think you need to find some home hobbies to do in the brief gaps your toddler will alllow just so that you do not go totally batty this winter. It was in this period of my life that i really took up all my craft activities but if that isn't for you, what about learning an instrument or a language or do crazy amounts of yoga or something. Find a winter project which you enjoy and that will really help with the winter gloom.

Boredom and repetition and spending all day with young children is tough, especially in the winter - most if not all of us will recognise feelings of frustration, boredom and stress.
But it's life, really, no magic wand to make the winter go away.

This too will pass.

The combination of the exhausting first year at school and the toddler who can't cope with sitting in a buggy for a long time is a tricky combo but I agree, this stage will pass.

@Kitkatcuppa it's the time of year, the weather will get better and you'll be able to do the park again. Leave after lunch, do the park then into the buggy for school run.

We have a similar schedule to you, but thankfully in a decent bus route so can hop on the bus after school to find a play group or get a coffee.

Make sure DP is doing his share of the housework. If it's done before bed, all you need to do after school run is breakfast stuff, and a brief tidy up. Then time to play with baby, get some lunch before coming back out.

Honestly. Learn to driver sooner rather than later! I Just passed my test at 36 and it's changed my life. The money is worth spending. I'm by no means wealthy but I prioritised the lessons. I didn't think I needed to learn to drive and kept putting it off: really wish I hadn't now.

Are you seriously looking for sympathy here?

Most of us do all that and work as well. Poor you.

You’re taking a massive risk.

Oh dear didn't realise OP had flounced because she didn't like the responses.

Posts like this really piss me off. Such a hard life having time with your kids. Boo fucking hoo.

Maybe read the thread and grow up

My sanity when my older ones were at home was having friends with children the same age. We all used to come to.mine for coffee after the school run and sometimes bacon butties. The kids had a play and it broke the day up. Is there not a bus you could get one way to shorten the journey for your 2 year old?

Some absolutely vile responses here. What a hideous society we live in when a Mum is abused for saying she is struggling.

Hi OP. I’m a SAHM with a 4yr old in reception and a just turned 2 yr old. I haven’t been back to work since the oldest was born.
I was so looking forward to her starting school and having that time with the younger one, but I’ve very much found out that now the whole day revolves around the school run. I don’t understand why it’s such a rush every morning, but it is! And then I’m clock watching until I have to go get her.
Since she’s been at school by boy has been so sad. Standing by the front door and calling her name. When I do take him to a soft play he says ‘go’ and wants to leave.
I was hoping I would meet some nice people on the school run but hasn’t happened yet as most of the parents at this school work, at least part time if not full.
I’ve decided to enrol DS into nursery come Jan, which luckily we can afford. I’m hoping it will break up the monotony of the day and give him some independence.
I just wanted to say I completely understand where you are coming from. You have the Christmas holidays to look forward to and then in the new year, when your boy is a bit older and the weather gets a bit nicer, hopefully the situation will change.

That was pretty much my life until DS2 started school. Except from 2yo he was part time at pre school. Then, because he'd missed his nap, he'd crash out in the buggy until I woke him up for tea. He did that until I gave the buggy away when he was 3.5. Then, right up until yr2, he'd crash out on the sofa.

The school day is still taking over my life.

5.25 I get up.
6.15 Wake DD up.
6.40 DS2's allowed out of his room and starts getting dressed.
They have breakfast when they're ready.
7.40 DD walks to secondary school.
8.05 DS2 and I leave.
8.40 School gates open.
9.20 Have breakfast in the Sainsbury's café and do shopping.
11 Home for my carer arriving at 11.30.
3 Leave to pick DS2 up, back for 4, 3 days a week he has an after school club, finishing 5.50 twice a week and 5.20 on the other day.

My father died unexpectedly when I was 10 years old and my SAH mum was left with three kids. She always said to me to never fully rely on someone else as it was horrific. Please don’t take this then wrong way as you have to others, OP, but although you may choose not to work, you shouldn’t snap at others suggesting that it is another option that benefits.
Posters wouldn’t mention it at all if you weren’t posting that you were unhappy with your situation.
Literally every suggestion that all posters have made, including the ones ‘supporting’ you, you have dismissed really quite rudely.

If you just wanted a rant that’s understandable and it is hard work but you have to be honest with yourself and admit some of it is your doing (like the polo shirts-have never ironed my DD’s school ones-even when dried inside. Therefore, that is your preference to, rather than having to.

Also, as your DS in only 1.5 (you saying nearly 2 meant posters assumed he was bigger) then I agree, it is hard to be out and about more. I’m wondering if you can invite more other SAHMs to your house for play dates instead?

good luck OP!

OP - I live in London in an area where there are playgroups, soft play, libraries, and activities galore. Also loads of friends locally. And I STILL remember finding this time of year with two little ones, one in school ad one not, really, really hard and isolating.

But you know the saying - the days are long, but the years are short - that period did pass (in what feels like a flash, now), and you will get through it.

Try and get out and see other people as much as you can (even if it is sometimes at the expense of your toddler's mood) or invite them over to yours for coffee; give yourself a routine, so you know that you have at least one thing to do with your toddler each day - even if it is only icing cupcakes; and try and remember that this time is short, so if you can spend a bit less time worrying about the cleaning, and a bit more time having fun with your little one, then it is SO worth doing.

Wow some really harsh responses on here. Maybe the op was looking for activities and ideas she can do at home. Without knowing her full circumstances it's not helpful to start saying about her going to work and stuff. She's already pointed out she doesn't have help for the school runs. Also there is not always a child minder available for the days you require. Only some do certain school pick ups too. I tried to use the one near me for my son and she only had a Tuesday morning free so it was no use.

Also telling her she is taking huge risks having a few years off with her children. That's not why she came here. No wonder she's snapping and trying to defend herself. It's really not help ful. She's obviously choose to stay home whilst the children are small. That also works for their relationship so you are not being helpful telling her she might be single one day and be left with nothing.

Original person to just let you know at my child's school there are plenty of stay at home mums aswel as grandparents who take over the child care all week for the mums who are working. There are part time mums too. There is nothing wrong with your set up at all. Times have changed but not that long ago mums were home without all this judgement and competition.

You are allowed to feel fed up sometimes. You also have as much a busy life as any other parent and do not deserve to be told otherwise. message me if you need a chat. I am sorry you have been jumped on by people who think it's so easy to just pop out get a job, learn to Drive, get childcare and get your son out to the park.

I do agree with the people saying try and meet up with people and have a cuppa and chat. Hang on in there. It will soon be spring. Xxx

Didthe OP come back?

ZenNudist

Didthe OP come back?

Twice, so far, after "Positively last appearance" posts.

Ah x posted. Hopefully you wil be able to filter through this lot and find some advice that helps. I work and think it must be hard being SAHM especially if you cant drive and dont live somewhere with lots of activities and close knit community.