To feel the school day has taken over my life

[Kitkatcuppa]

Hi everyone. I think it's probably just everything changed at once. But I'm feeling abit meh about everything and feel abit stuck. I stopped working five years ago and had my first child. We live comfortably of my partner's wage and I'd be working to pay for childcare. Also we don't have family to help so I have nobody to have the kids for illness etc.

I have two kids now. 2 nearly and 4. The 4 year old started school in September. Her school is a mile walk and I don't drive. The walks not an issue and happy enough with the school but I feel like the week is just repetitive and boring and Sundays are ironing uniform and packing bags and preparing for Monday.

As soon as my child started school the weather changed. Obviously you expect it. But we went from going to the park twice a week, a trip to town, loads of walks and visiting family and friends to this.

6.15 I get up
7.00 the kids get up
Hour of rushing
8.05 we try and leave.
8.40 the gates open. I take her in and walk home for 9.10am

I usually have pots, washing etc to do. Never go to the parks now as it's muddy, freezing icy and the toddler has been in the pushchair on the school run for an hour and is now angry and wants to be warm. He won't wear a hat to make life harder lol.

If we are at home all day (which we are) it's all about housework and tidying. I don't get much time at all to play with my son as my partner's never home until 8pm and evenings are hell. I'm always chasing my tail to get stuff done only for the kids to make a mess (which I expect) then at 2.45 I leave again to go collect my daughter and get back in at 4.

I miss our old lives so much. I hate these depressing cold wet muddy days and not being able to take my son out. All my friends work or I see my best friend on the school run but she's busy. She goes jogging and into town as her one daughter is now at school. I just feel so lonely. My mum lives real close but she never comes to me and often will say she's ironing or something. I dunno it's abit rubbish. Roll on spring.

I can't even go into town because my son will cry after the school run because he wants to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

Op, You have ALL day to have fun. Painting, kite flying, feeding the ducks, play doh modelling, toddler disco, splashy car washing. Soft play, Duplo building, making pizzas together, children’s theatre, swimming, library, loads of things.
Set an hour a day for cleaning and then put the dusters away!

No, op, this site is full of people like me who work full time because they have to, & do school run & cleaning, and are very tired approaching the end of term, and are struggling to feel much sympathy.

Understanding goes both ways. !

Would your friend who drives drop you and your son in town or at soft play if she going into town anyway? If you offered her petrol money? You could offer to pick her dc up from school in return?

Are there no buses to school? I can imagine any two year old would be miserable strapped in a buggy for two hours a day. He’d probably love a small hot choc and a snack in a cafe. Maybe run round the park first so he’s not too squirmy in the cafe?

Hahaha ok then. Because your at work with a child on your knees. Oh no wait your at work and can talk uninterrupted because your kids are in the care of others. But yes what a lazy person I am to have children and take care of them myself and collect them from school. You must be exhausted coming home with your own money to your tidy house because it has been empty all day. What an ignorant person you are. Get back to work I don't have sympathy for you either

@kitkatcuppa I never said he WAS at the pub, just mentioning it as a possibility, as it happened to a friend of mine. She was running herself ragged doing everything at home because her husband worked such long hours and it turned out he wasn't working that late, he was going to the pub after work every night.

I'm sorry that your husband is working 13 hour days; that sounds tough. Obviously none of my suggestions apply then. As I said I was only guessing based on no information because you said you weren't coming back to the thread. I was trying to be helpful!

You've had a lot of advice on the thread. I hope some of it is helpful.

Is there a breakfast club at dc school so that your dp could do at least one of the school runs before work?

And it's pps that are the nasty ones!

Everyone's circumstances are different and we all make different choices.

It's not nasty to point out that as a SAHM you can be financially vulnerable.

It's not nasty to point out that you sound lonely, down and that you admitted you hadn't enjoyed being a SAHM since September. People get jobs for all sorts of reasons, adult company being one of them. You sound like you need some adult company so it's a reasonable suggestion.

Nobody likes the school run in the rain, nobody. But it's just one of those things that does pass in time. You really don't have to get so bogged down with the housework when you clearly need to make some time for yourself.

My aunty and uncle have just split after 40 years of us thinking they were a perfect couple (and my aunty thinking the same) because he cheated and left. No signs whatsoever. They don't speak anymore

My very elderly grandparent split with his wife in his 60's. Long, "happy" marriage, 3 kids, lovely family, loved the grandkids etc.

Except he was gay and had been hiding it all his life (his age and cultural background it wasn't acceptable). Nobody suspected. It was only with the arrival of the internet he'd met similar people on line and realised he was normal and couldn't keep hiding it.

He was very fair financially in the split but with all kids grown, he was retired, there simply wasn't enough for two new homes on one pension. They both struggled.

My friends dad dropped dead in his 40's. Again, very nice guy but left his partner, a sahm with two small kids, left having to pick herself up and get out to work to keep the house and start building her own financial future. Especially as they weren't married and no will.

Wow 😮

Op sounds similar to me. My dc2 wouldnt wear a hat or gloves. But luckily by about 3yo suddenly would after picking one to buy.
And yes lots of screaming in the cold weather. Luckily though not in town there were lots of things to do.
Ime it can be very different depending on the child. If they sleep a lot or dont like the cold or hate toddler groups or wont cobcentrate for swimming or other classes.
I have to say buses with kids are shit! It's the waiting and the uncertainty if they will turn up. Then once they are PTing no toilets or ill!!
Noone i know uses the bus with kids here and 20-60min between is too long in rain and cold.

Also longer term after school clubs for your eldest will give you that little bit more time to do activities with youngest. I was able to go to the zoo etc.
I dont really like the park in this weather because
My kids manage to get soaked somehow.
All the equipment is cold and wet
There is actually noone else there.

Working parents are not generally doing all the childcare in the day. That is what they are paying for with the childminder - unless it's free??
But i do agree all the drop offs are a nightmare and rushing about.
Children come in a whole range from easy to incredibly difficult. With some kids it just isnt possible for them to cope with before/after care as they barely cope with school.
They also vary on the speed and volume of mess. And how often they are ill.

Tbh im sure more could be done to make parks more suitable for all weathers. (Although a woods walk is good as it's undercover).
I agree that the relentlessness of walking everywhere in bad weather definitely puts me off going places. 20min to park for however long then 20 min back. (Whilst everyone else has driven to soft play).

I think though op you do need to learn as if dc1 is already at school what happens whwn they need swimming lessons/want gymnastics/rainbows/scouts if they are not local. Now a 15min round trip twice to drop off for 1 hour for that sort of thing in winter is really not fun.

Why are you ironing school uniform?

She doesn't want to hear it everyone

Good grief! This thread is ridiculous. Would all the posters 'helpfully' pointing out the downsides of being a SAHM (when she wants some support and has said she is happy to be at home) be happy to be sent articles about the dangers of childcare when they post a problem about their workplace looking for advice and categorically don't want to give up work! Probably not.

Why do I iron? So my daughter's uniform isn't creased and scruffy. Is that ok with you????

@kitkatcuppa if you are so totally one hundred percent sure your bf will never ever leave you or turn nasty why aren’t you married?

I was a SAHM for 5 years and it's hard when the school slog interferes with quality time with your dc and interferes with other plans, I totally get it! The weather is so depressing atm too.

But you need to focus on the positives. This is your time to spend with your younger one before he's at school too. Go to playgroups, Coffee mornings, soft plays, the library, swimming... you both need to get out and socialise, just slightly different plans to the park if it's peeing down!

Don't come straight home after school run, be ready to go and head straight out. Housework in the afternoon while the little one is napping or chilling/playing.

Op I think some posters are getting frustrated with you because you don’t seem open to any suggestions that might help you. I think you should have a chat with your GP because you sound depressed.

Some nasty arseholes on this thread, it’s not aibu!

It's dark, it's cold, the school run is just so relentless. Especially with a longer school run you get home relax and then it's time to go again. But, it passes, spring will come soon enough, your dc will get older and more used to it. This is only temporary, you will get through it.

Unless it's photo day ironing uniform is pointless.

People don't have to take suggestions that don't work for them just to please the suggestion giver

I have messaged you OP

I think people are being "bitchy" OP because you posted asking for help and when people have tried to offer you help you respond aggressively or dismissively. You have to want to help yourself.

No it's not pointless when all the kids have no creases. I'm not going to be the mum of the child with the creased uniform. It's a special pleated kilt and the polo shirts and cardys get creased. Im not depressed.

I'm open to suggestions but getting a job isn't one I am taking. There are no playgroups bar one. I don't need a buggy board. My son's to little to ride a scooter. I've said I take him to the parks and all-sorts normally. I've also explained he's already out for two hours a day in the cold and the parks are shit up and filthy. I've also explained my partner's not likely to be dumping me in the next few years and by then I'll have opportunities to work etc.

I've said I eventually plan to drive. I've explained I can't afford it right now. My son will go into childcare eventually but he's not quite two yet and I personally won't send him until he's talking about more and can talk to me about things.

I don't think the suggestions of don't iron and get a job because your partner might screw someone else really help. Or maybe he's home late because he's at the pub? Or just go out and let your child run about. Like you've ignored the fact he's upset in this awful weather. Also have you not notified how bad it's raining most days. I apologize if you think I'm not taking advice but I can't take him to the park in this weather.

Softplay isn't near me. Yes I'm lonely. Yes I'm getting too know the school mums and we plan on doing stuff as it improves. I hoped some mums in my boat may talk. Instead the furious working mum brigade are here to tell me off because it's much shitter for them and they do more than me. So stuff my feelings. I can't be fed up or abit lonely because I'm so bluddy lucky to have my life and be at home. Your lucky you have a balance. But no it's not easy to find jobs around school hours. I can't send her to after-school club until she's built her stamina up more. No it's not an excuse either. She's 4 and doing 30 hours a week is enough right now.

Sorry I come across lazy and depressed. I'm actually just abit fed up this winter. I don't need happy pills and have plenty of things to look forward to over the next year. I can't take suggestions of things that don't fit in to where I live. There isn't a theatre, pool or softplay close by. The buses are rubbish and don't go the way we would need from the school.

I will be fine though. Thanks for the few people who get what it's like.

Can’t you get learner insurance and your bf take you out driving?