At what age did you allow your dc's to help themselves to food eg biscuits, cheese, grapes?

[FLIER]

Just wondered, as I don't really allow my just turned 4 yo to help himself to anything, but his cousins help themselves to biscuits and all sorts.
All our cupboards still have locks on them, as he has a younger sibling now.

He's put on weight as well- he was so skinny before, w he looks more in proportion.

BTW- for the family you know- there is a specialist eating clinic at GOSH- very long waits, but might be worth investiagting. Can't Eat Won't Eat a book by ??? Legge is about autism and eating problems but it would be useful for an NT child as well I think. It talksabot the work of the clinic- apparently they do a lot of play with food- so hide toys in the food etc so children get comfortable being around the food.

Franny, your food philosophy sounds similar to ours. Lead by example, eat well and enjoy your food and mealtimes and I believe children will too.

Its fascinating watching my dd choose to eat a complete variety and not have any of the ishoos we have about good food and bad food and treats and what she should and shouldn't enjoy - eg she will eat chips as part of her meal but sometimes prefers broccoli. And will eat more of different types of food at different times.

My view is that you cannot control what they actually eat (unless you have to, of course - via hospital drips etc) but you can control what you provide and how you provide it.

IMO children do not starve themselves when there is food on offer unless they have other issues going on. Food is often the only thing children can really control.

Oops sorry gess, that was not directed at you or your son. I meant psychological issues.

But yes, having a SN is obviously an issue that may affect children's consumption of food. Well done to your son - he is doing well!

Play and familiarity with food is very important I think.

Unforunately ds1 had no play skills- so the GOSH approach never worked (I tried it!). he had big sensory issues so the patience of his teacher and the tiny tiny dots of sauce helped. Once he sorted the sensory stuff he was fine. He went from shuddering at apples to overnight seeking them out. our elderly next door neighbour has a fruti and veg delivery every friday and he pounces on the man (who will never accept payment and always gives him an apple>). he alos knows the day sof thw week- he knows Riverford come on Wednesdays and he starts prowlng & shouting at the window from 7am (for apples). I have no idea how he knows which day it is, but he does.

I love the way my dcs snack on fruit. I never ration if I can help it - unless we have a shortage or something particularly popular needs to be shared fairly. My older two also make themselves toast now. I love their independence.

Oh, they are 10, 8, 5 and 2. They are all allowed to help themselves but dd2 has to be watched lest she takes tiny bites out of each and every apple

mine 4 and 5 they help themselves to fruit but ask for biscuits or anything like that

We're in the F&Z/mummymagic camp of letting the dd's eat when they're hungry and stop when they're not.

There's a growing body of opinion that self-regulation of appetite is very important for maintaining a healthy body weight in later life, and also that generally, little children will instinctively choose a balanced diet (except children with SN as Gess describes, when it can be much more complicated).

Obviously we control very carefully what food is available, and also, obviously the rules change as children get older - dd1 isn't 3 yet - when questions of consideration for others kick in:

dd1 at 15: Mum, I felt really hungry so I've just eaten the Sunday roast.
Me (waving zimmer frame): That's lovely dear, good on you for being attuned to your body's nutritional needs

... I think not.

As to the grazing vs square meals question... no idea; ours compromise by grazing continuously and eating vast mediaeval-banquet-sized meals.

This all very interesting, and I am in awe of the SN teacher's achievement.

The issue in the op hasn't surfaced in our house. DS is 4.5 and DD is 2.8 and neither have them have tried to help themselves to anything, they just instintively ask, habit from the days when they couldn't physically help themselves. DS has never thought of climbing on a chair to get something he can't reach.

I don't suppose it will be long though..... It is DS's job to fetch the yoghurts from the fridge at the end of a meal. DD regularly pushes a chair over to the shelf where the DVDs, makes her choice, then asks to watch TV.

I find they rarely ask outside of the times I would offer them a snack or we would be having a family meal anyway. They are usually too busy. But if they did ask it were just before a meal, eg with this apple 10 minutes before issue, I would just call it a starter! We quite often start our meals with raw fruit or veg starter anyway.

Goodness me what a load of posts!
Gonna take me a while to read thru all of these!

We have set times when they all eat but if they ask and are genuinely hungry then I say yes and then they can go and get what it is they have asked for.

Gess the pouncing on the Riverford man and the prowling at the window on Wednesdays is classic. I can hardly believe the methods have been so successful for ds. I didn't know that about GOSH and I hadn't heard of the book. I'll mention it to them if they bring the subject up - but most of the time it is this terribly sensitive subject that none of us mention They evidently feel terribly embarrassed about it, which is dreadful.

I had a thought about the comment that asking for food can be a way of asking for attention - I think this can be true, and is one of the reasons I started the snack drawer for ds. Now if he wants food he gets only food, because he can go and get it himself. If he wants my attention he needs to ask for that, rather than for food.

The other thing I believe is that children who are made to go hungry when they want to eat, experience hunger as a scary feeling. As adults I believe these people dislike the feeling of hunger so much that they will overeat to avoid it, instead of waiting until they are hungry to eat. I find (mild to moderate) hunger a pleasant and interesting sensation because I know I can choose to satiate my hunger at any point. If someone else was in control of my eating I don't think I would experience hunger as one of the pleasurable and normal feelings of my body.

Lastly, ds woke up early this morning, and because he was able to go down and get himself a snack, I got a lie in

Very interesting points Franny, but your last one is a bit puzzling. What is this "lie in" of which you speak?

(well tbh it was still FAR too early, but I got to doze for a bit)

I do also want to say that what I am suggesting on this thread (no pressure to eat, let them regulate their own appetite etc), is what I BELIEVE is the right thing to do - not what I always manage to do. I have done the "oh just eat a bit more" "finish your rice before you have a yogurt" etc etc. I think in general the more we butt out and just provide good healthy food the better, though.

Funnily enough, FrannyandZooey, ds waking up too early saying he was hungry is what prompted this thread.

I feel it is an important part of their development to feel able to go and help themselves to things that they know they are allowed to iyswim.
I don't want a teenager who won't help themselves to cereal in the morning, who waits for me to feed them.

Still haven't been able to read every post yet, but very interesting to see all the different view points.

I'm quite pleased that dd1 has no idea how interested I am in what she eats - I do pay quite close attention to her diet because of allergy stuff but feign indifference as to whether she eats things or not.

I must be a better actor than I thought because although she's tested the boundaries in every other possible way (she's 3 next week), she's never (touch wood) tried this with food.

I do catch myself wanting to nudge her into eating a bit more spinach or something - have to keep reminding myself not to. I think it's very ingrained.

I wrote a long post about dd's eating habits but deleted it - you probably aren't interested

In short, she helps herself within reason but I keep an eye on what she helps herself to.

If she doesn't finish a meal, I take a Very Dim View of helping herself 10 minutes later.

Healthy snacks are always available to her, along with the unhealthy stuff on occasion.

Stealing - no, not at all. She may not be hungry at a set snack time, so I am led by when she wants to eat.

lol tiger

Thanks Franny, I get it now.
Am having trouble with food at the moment as at the tail end of horrible morning sickness. Poor DS living on a diet mostly consisting of mash as it's just about the only food I can watch him eat without throwing up.

So what do you keep in a snack drawer? Dried fruit, breadsticks, help me out here?

Thursday yes things like that, usually a selection of the following: dried fruit, breadsticks, rice cakes, oat cakes, nuts, crackers, those fruit crisp things, some non-junky biscuits, etc

anything not wildly exciting, that will fill a gap

Oh and sorry to hear about morning sickness

Oh I will stop talking to myself in a minute, but Greensleeves had the idea of buying a mini FRIDGE for her sons and I must say this is brilliant if you can be bothered to keep filling it up. She does things like chop up pieces of fruit and veg and put them in the mini fridge. You could do pieces of cheese, hummus dips, slices of tortilla, etc. Trust her to go one better than a plain old snack drawer

that blardy greensleeves

a mini fridge next thing we know children will be allowed their own tv's in their rooms

only problem with mini fridges is they ont get as cold as proper fridges, just a thought!!!