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At what age did you allow your dc's to help themselves to food eg biscuits, cheese, grapes?

129 replies

FLIER · 15/08/2007 08:45

Just wondered, as I don't really allow my just turned 4 yo to help himself to anything, but his cousins help themselves to biscuits and all sorts.
All our cupboards still have locks on them, as he has a younger sibling now.

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FLIER · 15/08/2007 15:51

ReallyTired I like your idea of showing them the food pyramid - Is there one with pictures of the types of food rather than words, though?

OP posts:
gess · 15/08/2007 15:56

God I don't want total and utter chaos in my house, just have it. The world doesn't stop with it either.

DS2 (aged 5) has a concept of food that makes you run fast (very important to him). He still likes rubbish food (that makes you slow), but he's interested in the difference and understanding more.

Lorayn · 15/08/2007 16:05

Reallytired, I have to say I kind of agree with you.
I don't allow my children to take anything to eat without asking, although they are rarely refused fruit. Having had 2 nephews that helped themselves constantly and never ate a single decent meal, I think at the age of 6 and 2 my children would eat whatever they fancied, and although I am happy for them to eat fruit, they need much more than this to be healthy.
Having said this Ds(2) is constantly climbing on sides to get in the cupboards.

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Caroline1852 · 15/08/2007 16:08

My 15 y.o. still asks for a biscuit and mostly I say no. Sometimes when I am out he helps himself and then complains when I get home that he has had to have horrible, bad for him biscuits and then asks me why do I buy them. I tell him I buy them for visitors which may not be strictly true .

ChasingSquirrels · 15/08/2007 16:19

I just don't get why you would be happy with them eating something ten mins before tea was going to be ready - it isn't a question of cooking less - you have presumably made a decision re what and how much to cook with some reference to what they have already had that day and are already cooking - it is a question of the fact that food is nearly ready.
A snack at 4pm is completely different to a snack at 4.50pm if you are cooking for 5pm for example (I don't).

No there isn't a law that they should eat 3 meals a day, but there is a society that they will have to fit in with, which is structured around 3 meals, the majority will go to school and have structured meal and snack times etc. Therefore it is sensible to an extent to help them fit into this.

mummymagic · 15/08/2007 16:35

Yeah I suppose. At the moment I really wouldn't care if she ate an apple ten mins before eating some spaghetti bolognese.

Maybe this will change as she is older and I guess I probably would encourage her to wait for ten mins as she was going to get food anyway. Don't know. Just happy she eats a good variety of food whenever she is hungry really.

Don't like the 'eat all your dinner regardless of whether you are hungry or not' approach. I think lots of us have weird attitudes to food and I think it doesn't help children gage their own appetites and then we eat food because we are bored or just because its there.

Lorayn · 15/08/2007 16:39

Thats true mummymagic, I never force my children to eat all their dinner, they'll say they are finished and I normally say, "oh, just a few more mouthfuls of carrots and you can leave your mash or whatever"

But, if it was a case of my child eating an apple before their dinner, and therefore eating less of their meal when I already make sure they get their five a day, I'd like them to eat their dinner, and get protein/iron etc in them too.

mummymagic · 15/08/2007 16:46

Yup, I agree.Its our responsibility to oversee what they are eating. Maybe I am lucky so far in that she eats anything and eats main meals with us so I know she has enough variety and protein/iron etc. I will obviously cook slightly differently or change whats in her snack cupboard if we are lacking in certain areas.

Obviously if you can't trust that kids won't eat a variety of foods then you have to exercise more control. So fingers crossed it doesn't all go pearshaped as she gets older .

mummymagic · 15/08/2007 16:47

sorry, should be 'can't trust that kids WILL eat a variety of foods...'

Lorayn · 15/08/2007 16:48

I think as long as children are taught a healthy attitude towards food they will be fine.

ChasingSquirrels · 15/08/2007 16:50

ah - you have a 16mo, ok well fair enough - I have just prepared tea with my 18mo helping, I have let him graze on the food I was preparing (frozen peas - wierd boy, raw cauli) and he also has some snacks lying about - mainly because he has been to the CM today, he had 30mins sleep there and is really tired but wouldn't sleep when we got home - and snacks help him (and therefore me) get through.
I would also let my 4.10yo eat bits of the tea we are making, but he wouldn't be allowed any snacks (he could have them upto about an hour before food was ready - but I know from experience if he eats any later than that he won't eat the meal (and other food sources are also important - carbs, protein) and if he wanted something just before tea was ready he could wait.
I'm not looking for an argument either, just personally don't comprehend letting an older child snack just before a meal was ready.

mummymagic · 15/08/2007 16:58

Well yeah, it would be a bit weird if you were going to give them food anyway in ten mins. The original comment was more about having light meals every couple of hours rather than waiting for your 3 big meals.

And no, I don't really mind her having an apple or whatever but I would kind of include it as her dinner at this age. Would prob make her wait if we were literally about to eat.

LoveAngel · 15/08/2007 17:43

My son is 2 and a half and I dont let him help himself to snacks at this stage as he is very whimsical and decides he wants something, takes one bite and then reaches for something else. Instead, he has to ask me or his dad, but the answer is almost always 'yes' for healthy snacks like rice cakes, crackers, cheese, fruit etc providing he doesnt waste food and it isn't too close to meal time.

jo25 · 15/08/2007 17:52

my ds has always had free access to snack cupboard, from when he could actually open cupboard. There were always healthy snacks only like rice cakes, museli bars, carrot sticks etc. He must have been 12-18months btw. Now however he prefers us to wait on him hand and foot!!! he is 4.8 and we dont have a problem to him helping himself to things he can reach(treat tin way up high!)if only he would do it, i think he thinks he is a prince in the making!!!! I would not be happy to let him help himself to unhealthy things such as biscuits.(we never have these in the house anyway) I think only you as a parent knows what is right for your child.

FrannyandZooey · 15/08/2007 17:58

"Complete and utter chaos" - yes my god he's eaten a banana and he didn't ask me first. It's ruddy ANARCHY.

HonoriaGlossop · 15/08/2007 18:40

{shock] what a slatternly home you run, Franny. Your ds will not thrive in all that chaos how can you DO that to him?

FrannyandZooey · 15/08/2007 19:04

dunno

I suppose I just like being ruled by my child

Greensleeves · 15/08/2007 19:11

Stealing

How weird. How is it not a good idea for children to learn to respond to their bodies' natural signals of hunger and thirst? Why is it better to eat onlym prescribed amounts and types of food according to a rigid timetable imposed by somebody else?

They are children, not battery chickens

Reallytired · 15/08/2007 19:54

My son is allowed to ask for food whenever he likes. If it isn't just before a meal time he usually gets a snack.

You are right. He isn't a battery chicken, or even an animal. He has just learnt self control and discipline not to raid the cupboard without permission.

For a diagram of a food pryramid.

images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=bob-world.net/Images/food_pyramid.gif&i mgrefurl=bob-world.net/HW_MorbidObesity.htm&h=832&w=959&sz=177&hl=en&start=4&um=1&tbnid=vo9IU 1NXJeGDaM:&tbnh=128&tbnw=148&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dfood%2Bpyramid%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa% 3DN

A five year old child can cope with three meals a day and a couple of snacks without a problem. My son can also cope with the rule that chocolates and biscuits are a treat.

My son is not a baby or a toddler. He does not need to be feed on demand like a breastfed baby.

Lorayn · 15/08/2007 19:59

Again I agree with reallytired, the children wont be able to eat whenever they feel like it once they start school. It isn't harming them to make them wait a while for their dinner.

I couldn't get that link to work btw, I assume it was this one???
bob-world.net/Images/food_pyramid.gif

FrannyandZooey · 15/08/2007 20:19

Children should be encouraged to eat when they feel hungry and not at prescribed times, whenever they are able to, whether the school system allows this or not. Learning to ignore your body's hungry and satiated signals leads to problems with eating. God knows we have enough of those in this country already. Encourage your children to listen to the messages from their stomach - they are the only ones who can tell if they need to eat or not. Breastfed babies who are fed on demand are usually a perfect weight for their individual body and needs - children and adults, who have learnt that they must eat when told to and not when they need to, rarely are.

The fact that the school system doesn't allow this is totally irrelevant. Children are only allowed to go to the toilet at set times and with permission during school hours as well - do you make them ask permission at home so that they can get used to it?

Lorayn · 15/08/2007 20:40

As my son is two, he asks me for help, he knows when he needs a wee yes, but he doesn't know when he needs food.
Perhaps encouraging your children to eat whenever they want promotes greed if they are eating both their snacks and their dinner, who knows.
Also I haven't said I don't allow my children to snack, just that I expect to be asked, as unlike going to the toilet, they do not know what is being planned for dinner.
If my children have eaten fruit all day and are about to have a decent meal, then I'm sorry, but I would prefer them to eat their meal than have another banana.
Our bodies may tell us we are hungry, but this is often confused, even by adults, with thirst, and our bodies do not tell us what food we need to eat when we are hungry.

FrannyandZooey · 15/08/2007 20:54

Lorayn, I disagree with almost every word of your post

"As my son is two, he asks me for help, he knows when he needs a wee yes, but he doesn't know when he needs food."

Yes, he does. Of course he does! A newborn baby knows when it needs food, and asks for it. Why on earth do you think a 2 year old doesn't know when he needs food?

"Perhaps encouraging your children to eat whenever they want promotes greed if they are eating both their snacks and their dinner, who knows."

Encouraging your children to eat WHEN THEY ARE HUNGRY does not promote greed, quite the opposite. Encouraging your children to ignore their hunger and to eat when you tell them it is time, and to eat the amount you tell them to, will teach them to ignore their bodies' empty and full messages. A child who is allowed to eat when hungry and stop when full has no need to be greedy.

"our bodies do not tell us what food we need to eat when we are hungry."

Yes, they do, until we lose the ability to hear the messages our bodies give us, and confuse them with junk food, diet foods, rules about when to eat and external controls from people who can't feel our stomach's emptiness or otherwise. Children left to regulate their own food intake - tiny children - eat a perfectly balanced diet over the course of a week or so, even if their intake seems to be random when looked at day by day or hour by hour. How can you have so little trust in your children's ability to nourish themselves? It's the primary ruddy drive of living beings - to get sustenance - do you not think nature has got it right by now?

TheodoresMummy · 15/08/2007 21:09

Thank you Franny.

Was thinking all that, then you posted before me saving me the trouble.

(and no, i'm not stalking you, promise)

Othersideofthechannel · 15/08/2007 21:13

Ooh, I think Flier has been scared of her own thread!