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Parenting

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Original poster

At what age did you allow your dc's to help themselves to food eg biscuits, cheese, grapes?

129 replies

FLIER · 15/08/2007 08:45

Just wondered, as I don't really allow my just turned 4 yo to help himself to anything, but his cousins help themselves to biscuits and all sorts.
All our cupboards still have locks on them, as he has a younger sibling now.

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FrannyandZooey · 15/08/2007 13:08

Children need food - they don't need money out of your purse. Learning to eat what you want when you are hungry and stopping when you are full, not letting someone else decide your portion size and how much you should be eating, is a valuable life skill (one many adults have no concept of).

ds has a snack drawer at his level which contains things he is allowed to eat at any time of day

Dottydot · 15/08/2007 13:09

I agree they should ask, but there's also something about letting them start to fend for themselves as they grow up. I'm encouraging mine to get a glass of water when they want one, and eat fruit if they're hungry - they tell/ask me anyway, but it's about then realising they can sustain themselves to some extent. And I still don't think it's stealing. If dp buys some food and I eat it, am I stealing?

FrannyandZooey · 15/08/2007 13:12

Is it stealing if he gets a toy from the shelf when you aren't there? You paid for those, as well.

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Dottydot · 15/08/2007 13:14

Am wondering if I actually stole the bag of Doritos I ate last night because dp bought it and she was at work last night...

Listmaker · 15/08/2007 13:16

All mine mainly ask still (17,15,12,9 and 7) but know that fruit is probably fair game and do snaffle grapes in 5 secs flat without asking!! There are certain things it's OK to snack on but they still usually ask first.

gibberish · 15/08/2007 13:21

All of my kids ask before taking something to eat. Infact my eldest is 14 and she still asks.

I find it hard enough making them eat their dinner without them having had loads of snacks (even if they are healthy) in between meals. If they ask I can judge whether it is too close to a mealtime for them to have a snack. And, same as juule, if they were all helping themselves (I have 4) I would be constantly shopping!

Also, I may be old fashioned, but I feel it is just good manners for them to ask before taking. Has been interesting reading everyone's different views on this though.

babygrand · 15/08/2007 13:24

Mine are 8 and 10 and they do help themselves to snacks whenever they want to. As long as they eat what I put in front of them at mealtimes I don't worry about it.

tarantula · 15/08/2007 13:32

oooo wait till I get onto dp and tell him that lunch he is eating is stolen cos I bought that brie and was really looking forward to eating it. He did promise to save me a bit tho.

My take on things is that I like the kids to ask before taking stuff because we dont have a lot of money and if they take something needed for a meal then it might put our budget out totally to have to go buy it again. Its not a case of them asking if they can have food but asking if its ok to eat that particular piece of food. (Eg dss 'I'm gonna have a ham sandwich ok? Me :'You arent. That's for tomorrow night dinner. Use up the cream cheese thats open or have peanut butter or jam etc')

As for fruit/veg well dd has to ask (or rather hand us the apple and say cut this please Mammy) because she often doesnt finish a whole apple/pear so I give her half and she can have the other when that is finished. She does do carrot raids which is fine and they are allowed to eat any fruit or veg from the garden.

gess · 15/08/2007 13:36

Stealing? Surely not. If we were a conventional family I probably would insit on asking first or have some sort of system like Franny's but I couldn't react as if ds2 or ds3 had stolen something - especially when they see their brother doing it.

Idobelieveinfairies · 15/08/2007 13:40

I have 8 children and they ask to have food. They would eat everything in minutes otherwise and i spend enough on food as it is!

If they are bored they will constantly go on about food...don't get me wrong they constantly eat anyway but i control it

oliveoil · 15/08/2007 13:41

we eat at kind of set times

7ish
midday ish
5ish

and we have snacks at about 10am and 2pm

so they never really get hungry as such I don't think to help themselves

helping yourself to food is not stealing unless it it my posh Jellybeans from Selfridges (the ones that actually taste of popcorn etc) and then it most definitely is

Boco · 15/08/2007 13:57

'However healthy, food still has to be bought and paid for. My son cannot work as he is too little. '

Grrr. Damn human rights getting in the way again.

Reallytired · 15/08/2007 14:12

"Is it stealing if he gets a toy from the shelf when you aren't there? You paid for those, as well. "

If he has already been given the toy then it is his. Ofcourse he is allowed to get toys out of his toy box. I pay for presents for my son's little friends when they have birthdays. Once the present has been given it stops belonging to me.

However if I have bought a brand new toy and he started playing with it before I had given it to him it would be stealing. Prehaps the toy has been bought as a present for a different child. (ie. a sibling or a party present)

Small children naturally consider that everything belongs them. (ie "What's mine is mine, what is yours is also mine") Part of growing up is learning to respect other people's property.

If you are happy to have total and utter chaos in your home that is up to you. Personally I prefer to live with my child, rather than be ruled by them.

Reallytired · 15/08/2007 14:15

I don't want my son to have a concept of good food and food that is bad for you. I showed my son a picture of a food pyramid.

We need chocolate and treats in our diet. However to be healthy we need a bit everything else.

Like the rest of us, my son has difficulties with moderation in deciding how much chocolate to eat or how many sweets.

ChasingSquirrels · 15/08/2007 14:28

my 4.10y has just started (2 in the last week) helping himself to the odd apple out of the fruit bowl, but everything else he asks for - mainly because it is out of his reach.
Within reason he gets what he asks for - but my reason not his, eg if it is nearly tea time he probably is hungry - so should he have a snack to satisfy that hunger? (and then not eat his tea) - I don't think so, or if he asks for sweets I make a decision on this.

HonoriaGlossop · 15/08/2007 14:29

I think you'll be chipping away at your child's confidence and self worth if they know that you are thinking of them in terms of being a thief if they take a bit of food from the fridge without asking.

It's a matter of learning boundaries rather than being a thief and I think that's a really sad way to think about your own child.

I don't also see a correlation between a parent allowing the child to snack without asking, and living in total chaos. No-one on here as far as I can see, actually allows their child to pick WHATEVER they want whenever they want; they have boundaries, it's not chaos. Just different boundaries.

ricepuddingpaddington · 15/08/2007 14:31

Fruit is fair game - fruit bowls kept in easy reach for both (4.10y and 2.7y).
The rest, they should ask. Can't reach biscuits,cakes etc.

DebitheScot · 15/08/2007 14:33

I was never allowed to eat stuff without checking first when I lived at home and when I go home now I would still check with mum before I ate stuff. Just in case she wanted to use it for something particular or was fancying it herself.
And I was told it was stealing if I took things like chocolate biscuits.

lisalisa · 15/08/2007 14:39

Message withdrawn

mummymagic · 15/08/2007 15:29

Grazing/lots of light meals aren't so bad. Eat when you are hungry. Stop when you are not. Who cares if they eat all their tea at 5pm or not? As long as they are not going hungry, can't they have their tea throughout the day instead?

Am totally with you on the 'no food is bad' concept. As parents we are responsible for helping them manage their appetite and learn sensible eating patterns - I think modelling and having a variety of available foods around is great for this.

ChasingSquirrels · 15/08/2007 15:37

I care if they don't eat their tea at 5pm if it is because they eat 2 apples at 4.50pm while I am cooking said tea.

mummymagic · 15/08/2007 15:40

I know. I cook too.
But maybe its not so important. Cook less tea.

mummymagic · 15/08/2007 15:45

anyway, don't want to start an argument because I believe different things work for different families.

But just wanted to mention that it really isn't the law that kids have to eat 3 big meals a day. Grazing is actually healthier (it's just not what we do in this culture - and isn't necessarily practical or convenient for people here.)

Tortington · 15/08/2007 15:46

my kids always asked before helping themselves.

if you buy shit - they will eat shit.

so i always buy lots of fruit and a tray of yoghurts. they can snack on that

Hulababy · 15/08/2007 15:49

5yo DD always asks first, never just helps herself. That way I can say no if too close to a meal time.

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