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Parenting

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Original poster

Witnessed my friend smack her 2.5 year old - very upset

107 replies

Mytype · 28/07/2019 17:38

Okay so I know this is a sensitive subject and people have different opinions but my friend is very strict with her child and in my opinion a bit too strict and regimented but her child her parenting I guess.
She often does time out and makes her apologies which fair enough but this afternoon we went over for a play day and I witnessed her smacking her child on the bum quite hard.
For simple reasons like not sharing which in my opinion all kids do it and she is only 2.5 years old! I came home and burst into tears, it has really upset me seeing her do it and the child grabbing her bum in pain and crying 😢
I like my friend but I don’t agree with this at all and I don’t know how to feel

OP posts:

Bookworm4 · 28/07/2019 17:40

You came home and cried because your friend smacked her child? Aren’t you dramatic. Many might not agree but it is her child and it’s likely to be very difficult to speak to her about it unless you think you can.
You need to toughen up, you’ll see worse than this.

Original poster

Mytype · 28/07/2019 17:43

Well I’m very glad you are not my friend what a delight you sound!
And your comment was completely pointless but thank you for your input!

OP posts:

Fizzypoo · 28/07/2019 17:44

Bit of an over the top reaction from you.

Smacking isn't the greatest form of punishment but at least shes disciplining her DC.

You could perhaps, as her friend, been nice and asked why she was so stressed with her DC instead of posting about it on here.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/07/2019 17:45

I'd be horrified by a friend hitting their child. You don't need to toughen up, you don't need to lose your empathy. You need to spend your time with nicer people!

Greensleeves · 28/07/2019 17:45

She wouldn't be a friend of mine any more. I have in fact ended a friendship for the same reason. I didn't want my children to witness their friend being assaulted and I didn't want to witness it either.

What a vile woman.

Pretendapony · 28/07/2019 17:46

I think you have completely over reacted. My mum used to smack me and I am not emotionally scarred. There’s a difference between discipline and abuse.

isittooearlyforgin · 28/07/2019 18:04

There is always a better strategy than hitting your child. Do you think you could talk to her about it? Maybe being called out on it might make her think twice? If it’s a deal breaker in terms of friendship, you have nothing to lose and at least it will give her something to think about

WhatTheAbsoluteFuck · 28/07/2019 18:06

She hit her 2 year old hard enough for the child to be crying in pain?

Report her.

PPs saying she over reacted? Really? Nope.

shadowloveragain · 28/07/2019 18:08

I don't agree with smacking toddlers but your reaction coming home and crying was ott.

wlucy · 28/07/2019 18:10

I don't blame you at all and I hate it when people condone smacking.

It reeks of a total loss of control on the parent's part.

Morally and legally society determines that you can't go around hitting people when they do something that annoys you but for some reason its ok to smack kids?

Sunshine1239 · 28/07/2019 18:10

To be fair society is full of parents trying to be mates, having chats one one to one and avoiding stronger discipline - kids behaviour these days proves it doesn’t work. Bevahiphr of young kids these days is so much worse now

fernandoanddenise · 28/07/2019 18:11

Do you feel able to say to her that it makes you uncomfortable ? As demonstrated by pp lots of people still see this as acceptable as ‘it didn’t do them any harm’. Who the hell hits a little child??? She’s sounds batshit. Discipline with violence has no place in the life of a two year old. I would try to dig deep into tie courage and say or text the following: I know everyone has different parenting styles but you hitting (dd) makes me very uncomfortable and I don’t think it’s right.

AuchAyeTheNo · 28/07/2019 18:12

Seriously?

Perhaps if parents taught their children manners and disciplined appropriately at a young age then we wouldn’t have the problems we have today.

And let’s be honest here, toddlers can cry at anything and it can sound heartbreaking. I just have to tell mine ‘no’ and it’s hysterical tears at times.

Whosorrynow · 28/07/2019 18:13

OP, I support you, I would be upset too in your shoes

gonewiththepotter · 28/07/2019 18:13

I got an occasional smacked bum (when I ran out into busy road...etc) all I remember about it was OMG what I did was really REALLY bad and I’ve obviously scared my mum shitless!

My DM is still my best friend and I had the best childhood. 🤔 I don’t agree with smacking a child as ‘front line’ discipline.
Not sharing- tamtruming- talking back - NOT smacking offences!

Putting yourself in serious danger- a slap on the bum is probably the shock a 2/3 year old needs to get through to them!

Cheeseandapple · 28/07/2019 18:13

I don't think your reaction was over the top, I think it indicates how severe the smack was. I was smacked as a child and I remember the fear I had of my mother because of it. It is a punishment doled out in anger and is served by adults who have lost control. Never mind that it also teaches children that sometimes it is ok to be violent. What a cruel thing. Would you consider soaking to her and then ending the friendship. I don't think I could end the friendship and not have her know why, for the sake of her child.

Goodnightchristopherrobin · 28/07/2019 18:16

If your friend friend left a mark on her child, then that is a criminal offence and should be reported. It isn’t ok for an adult to hit another adult, it is awful that an adult should be ‘allowed’ to hit a child.

LegoAndBooks · 28/07/2019 18:16

OP, I don’t think you’re over-reacting at all.

foreverhanging · 28/07/2019 18:17

I don't think you're over reacting.

Iggly · 28/07/2019 18:19

@Sunshine1239

So smacking is acceptable in that context?

I don’t recognise what you describe. What I do recognise is idiots who advocate violence against kids.

I’d be shocked as well. Anyone who sees a 2 year old whacked such that they’re crying and they don’t think is a big deal is a dick IMO.

Imagine what this mother is like when people aren’t watching.

Wildorchidz · 28/07/2019 18:19

If she has no qualms about slapping her child in front of you then you’d have to wonder how often she does it. I would have to say something to her.

AnyFucker · 28/07/2019 18:23

I don't think you are over reacting

It is terribly upsetting see a defenceless child get hurt

I would have to speak to your friend about this.

Lizbiz89 · 28/07/2019 18:23

Very controversial subject. Personally I don't agree with smacking as I have horrible memories of my mum smacking me as a child. She would always do it in such anger and for a lot of the time it was when I hadn't been naughty as such (just a young confused kid).
I think there is a lot more productive ways of disciplining your child without hitting them.
Could you possibly approach your friend in a calm way and say what you saw upset you slightly? Maybe she'd be mortified if she thought she was being too aggressive with her child. To be honest I would also be upset if I'd witnessed this.

PixieLumos · 28/07/2019 18:24

I can understand not agreeing with her way of disciplining her child - what you describe does sound harsh and unnecessary - but crying about it is a bit OTT. If you feel so strongly about it, tell her so. You say you like your friend but I don’t see how anyone can like or get on with someone who does something that’s so bad to witnesses it would make them cry.

HillRunner · 28/07/2019 18:25

It's also concerning that the smack was used as a punishment for very mild bad behaviour (not sharing). This wasn't a child running out into the road or doing anything dangerous, this was a child who was just doing what normal 2 year olds often do. How hard would your friend hit the child if they did something worse?

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