Witnessed my friend smack her 2.5 year old - very upset

[Mytype]

Okay so I know this is a sensitive subject and people have different opinions but my friend is very strict with her child and in my opinion a bit too strict and regimented but her child her parenting I guess.
She often does time out and makes her apologies which fair enough but this afternoon we went over for a play day and I witnessed her smacking her child on the bum quite hard.
For simple reasons like not sharing which in my opinion all kids do it and she is only 2.5 years old! I came home and burst into tears, it has really upset me seeing her do it and the child grabbing her bum in pain and crying 😢
I like my friend but I don’t agree with this at all and I don’t know how to feel

Cunts smack children. Only a total an utter cunt would abuse their size, power and authority to physically harm a defenceless child.
Your friend is a cunt.

I totally agree with you OP. I’d have been upset too. I can’t imagine ever hitting a toddler (or any child in fact.)

We don’t hit adults so I can’t see any reason to hit a child.

I would have found this very upsetting too OP.

I have never smacked my children, & have memories of hiding at the end of the garden, terrified of being smacked by my parents.

If it were me, I wouldn't hesitate to say something, as witnessing this would strain the friendship intolerably for me anyway.

People who smack small children are arseholes.

My dp smacked me when I was little. I still have a good relationship with them. It was very common then.

But my two dc are now adults. I never smacked them. I never needed to. Not because they were angels. There was always a better way of dealing with the situation.

I would have to think long and hard about continuing a friendship with someone who hit their child. Or any child.

YANBU, OP. It is upsetting to see a tiny child hit. Wish more people felt like you and considered it unacceptable.

Perhaps if parents taught their children manners and disciplined appropriately at a young age then we wouldn’t have the problems we have today.

I did both of those things and my children are now wonderful, successful young adults. Yet I never once hit them. Hitting a child is abusive and lazy parenting.

I would be upset to OP. I have a 2.5 year old DD and wouldn't dream of smacking her.

I don't think you over-reacted, either. If she was in such a temper that she felt like smacking her child, she should have asked you to take over to give her a bit of breathing space.

Smacking under ANY circumstance is totally unacceptable & a day that as a 42 yo who was smacked herself.

My dc are teenagers and very polite, well mannered kids. I'm not their best friend like a pp suggested but their mother. I've never laid a finger on them, why would I? What would it achieve?

Ex friend you mean?
Get better friends that don’t abuse their kids.

I don't think you overreacted. If you do talk to her about this, ask her if she'd do it when picking up her child from Nursery or school. She'd be reported in a heartbeat.
This loss of control needs to be sorted. Poor child

Why do people always describe a child running in the road as an acceptable reason to hit them?

It’s on YOU. Have your child holding your hand or if they won’t, on reins. And pull them back to safety, don’t hit them

Or when she's older if her boyfriend hits her, will she ask her child "well, were you doing as you were told"?

She needs to view this in a different way.

I don’t think you’ve over reacted at all. I’m a health care professional and if I witnessed that at work I would be putting in a safeguarding referral!

I wouldn’t see her again and I’d probably tell her why, violence towards a child is never OK

I feel sorry for that child with an overbearing, smack happy parent.

Kids who are 2.5 should NOT imo be FORCED to share anything, it is not natural at such a young age. Give it a year then fine, but a 2 yr old it’s too young, they have no reasoning and it’s not wrong.

Smacking when a parent has lost it, like a last resort is completely wrong too. I don’t like it either OP and I’d have NC with her from now on and if she asks why, I’d damn well tell her.

Disciplining with smacks is different to losing it and hurting your very small, very young, very impressionable child. It also teaches her to do the same to other kids when they don’t do as she says in school.

To counteract what a few early posters have said - I was smacked as a child for extremely minor things and I am, to this day, emotionally scarred by it. It was my mother’s way of dealing with her menopausal rage. Taking it out on a 2 year old because she wet the bed or an eight year old because she cried when her Dad left.

It is always a despicable action and I have zero sympathy for any parent who hits a child.

You are not being at all unreasonable.

My “friend” smacked her 8 year old in front of me this week because she couldn’t get a door open. She also repeatedly referred to her as dumb and spent ages comparing her unfavourably to her younger brother. The child is currently having counselling and is under a social services team as school are very concerned about her extremely low levels of self esteem and the thoughts she’s expressed about her self worth. She’s also underachieving academically. Her mum constantly says “I don’t know why her confidence is so bad”. She’s fucking destroying her.

I didn’t realise until I visited during the school holidays whilst the little girl was there and she’s obviously felt comfortable enough with me to emotionally and physically abuse her kid in front of me so what is she like when I’m not there?

I can’t in good faith stay friends with her, knowing what she’s doing to that little girl.

It was a shocking, sickening feeling to realise what she was doing. She seems so lovely usually but with her daughter she was like a witch.

I can understand why you cried.

It’s also a very difficult position to be in. How do you criticise a friend on their parenting skills? Should you report to social services? There’s always the worry it could make things worse for the child. Poor little one.

Same happened to me. DH told me to load the dishwasher because it was my turn and I didn't want to. He slapped my bum. It didn't hurt too much but stung a bit. These things happen in normal, loving relationships, when one person doesn't do what they should. Good that your friend's daughter is learning early.

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OP you're not overreacting and I've actually had tears well up when I saw my DH's friend do this to his toddler. There and then.

*DH has never hit me!

if that's how she openly treats her small child in public, what does she do in private when she loses her temper without the inhibitory influence of being in view of others

I don’t think you overreacted either.

It really upset me when a friend bit his 3 year old daughter as punishment for biting her brother. I walked out of the pub we were in

There is no reason to ever hit a 2 year old. They I have a 4 and a 2 year old and I don't see any reason to ever resort to hitting them.

My 2 year old doesn't share (he got very upset earlier because he had to share a whole climbing frame at the park) but he just got picked up and moved and left to deal with the shouts of 'my ladder'. Smacking would not have made the situation better and he'd still try and hog it next time he's there because he's 2.

@EleanorOalike if she's already having therapy and problems at school could you tell the school?

People knew what was happening to me and nobody did anything. If this girl is having therapy and hasn't mentioned her mother is doing this - and may not fully understand the degrading aspect of what her mother is saying - it could really help her get therapy for the full problem not just what she reports.

You didn’t overreact op. Last week I saw a Dad grab his 5 or 6 year old daughter by the arm in McDonalds and hiss in her ear ‘careful you little shit’ all because she dropped a blob of ketchup on the floor

I cried over that and still worry about that little girl.

This is exactly what it wrong with society now. A mother disciplines her own child in a way that parents have done for generations and everyone says it's abuse, phone social services or go home and weep. The world has gone mad.

@ahumanfemale The problem is school is closed and the counsellor meets her at school. If school had been opened I would have contacted DSL straight away. From what I gather from what she has told me, school have already twigged that her Mum is a big part of the problem.

I wouldn’t have told anyone my Mum hit me at that age. I knew it wasn’t normal but I also had it drummed into me that I was not a nice little girl and no one would like or believe me if they got to know the “real me”. I can imagine she could be in a similar boat. It breaks my heart to think what she might be going through.