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Original poster

Do you judge parents who use reins?

190 replies

sqirrelfriends · 23/06/2019 16:14

Just that really. My toddler has recently started walking and is showing interest in being out of his pram when out and about. He is enjoying his newfound independence and will absolutely not hold my hand anymore so I'm worried about keeping him safe and close without having to constantly run after him.

I bought some reins but have been told since that some mums have been receiving nasty comments and have felt really judged for using them (it's like you're walking a dog, lazy parenting etc.)

I was really just wondering what your opinions of them were and if they wouldn't use them, what the reasons would be?

Tia

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soundsystem · 23/06/2019 21:32

Nope, wouldn't judge.

Haven't used them for either of my two as haven't needed to, but if DC3 turns out to be a runner then I'd consider it! So I'd assume the parents I see using them know their child and have decided it's the best option!

PerfectPeony2 · 23/06/2019 21:33

Some people are dicks

Yep!

TitianaTitsling · 23/06/2019 21:40

Bolter DC here! We use the trunki toddle Pak which has been great- @whatnow40 you said He learned not to wander off too far just by the nature of the dangers around him but how and what age?! DC is like a magnet for anything that could cause chaos/be dangerous!

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rachelfrost · 23/06/2019 21:47

I guess the thing with reins is you might not be teaching road safety and the importance of not wandering off quite so much. Then again the kid feels safer and the adult is more relaxed and I’m sure they can learn those rules later in life.

I totally treat my children like dogs and we don’t have reins. I don’t actually say ‘ to heal’ but almost.

I do understand that some kids are born bolters and wouldn’t judge.

SinkGirl · 23/06/2019 21:53

I guess the thing with reins is you might not be teaching road safety and the importance of not wandering off quite so much.

Most toddlers on reins are on them because they’re not capable of learning this yet for whatever reason. They can still learn this, unless “learning the consequences” means being hit by a car...

pyard · 23/06/2019 21:58

sinkgirl I agree with everything you say here.

Completely off topic but: I'm pleased to have noticed your posts today because I remember an early thread of yours about your twins where I posted with some advice (under one of my multiple name changes). I've thought of your family quite a few times since then, and I hope you're all doing ok Thanks

REllenR · 23/06/2019 22:02

@Starlight456 even though we never used them my childminder did a few times when somewhere busy and I had no issue with this.

SinkGirl · 23/06/2019 22:07

Oh thank you pyard - posters on MN (very possibly you!) really helped and supported me during one of the hardest times of my life. Both of my twins are now diagnosed with ASD, one with a visual impairment and some brain damage and currently testing for genetic disorders. It’s been a very hard year but we are making progress - even had a family trip to the beach yesterday (sans reins!) with no issues.

Thanks so much Flowers

littlebillie · 23/06/2019 22:21

If you have a runner you need them I was haunted by a very sad story where a toddler ran off and mum followed and the Pram went into traffic. It only takes a second for thing to go wrong

SinkGirl · 23/06/2019 22:27

This is what some people don’t get - I have people ask me why I can’t take my twins to the park alone. They are expert climbers / entry level gymnasts. What do you do is one is climbing the spiky railings and the other is scaling a climbing frame with no awareness of the drop at the other end of the platform? Or, like at the beach a while ago - one picked up a dried dog poo and bit it in half. If I were alone with no reins, stopping to deal with that would have meant the other twin in the sea before I’d got the poo out of his mouth.

We put them on reins most of the time because I am trying to teach them to hold my hand, stay by me, not fall off kerbs flat on their face because they have poor depth perception, not to wander off and eat poo... that sort of thing!

TitianaTitsling · 23/06/2019 22:49

@sinkgirl l know you aren't but DO NOT feel that you need to justify yourself? I had one day of babysitting a friends DC so X2 2.5 yos for less than 12 h hours- l was a blithering wreck at the end- both adventurous, fearless acrobats you are amazing doing that daily!

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/06/2019 22:55

I think some people have biddable leg-clingers and assume it's their excellent parenting that has caused this.

Thing is DD didn't have a diagnosis at 2, when we used them, but she does now. Which is why the "no SEN that I know off" judging irritates me. You don't know, so stop judging.

VioletDaisies · 23/06/2019 23:07

No as I have used them for both DC.

TheRedBarrows · 23/06/2019 23:25

I can’t begin to understand what the problem is with reins.
They are not uncomfortable for the child
Both child and parent can walk hands free
Obvious safety issues
Only an idiot of a parent would neglect to teach their child also to hold hands / stop at the kerb/ stop when told / dangers of traffic etc just because they also use reins at a certain stage.

And as for anyone having the arrogance to comment negatively to a parent using reins .... well judginess is not a good look.

NewSchoolNewName · 23/06/2019 23:27

I think some people have biddable leg-clingers and assume it's their excellent parenting that has caused this.

^^ yes, I suspect this is the case for a lot of judgy anti-rein parents.

DS1 was a bolter, to the extent where he was often on reins in nice safe parks because we were worried he’d bolt off to the park exit before we could catch him.

DS2 and DS3 were much more biddable. Toddler DS3 will usually stop walking and stick his hand out for me to hold if it slips out of mine when we’re walking on the street.
DS3 is usually on reins despite this because I have 3 DC and only 2 hands, and even the most biddable child can get distracted for a moment, but if he was my first we’d probably be able to manage him without reins.

NewSchoolNewName · 23/06/2019 23:29

I guess the thing with reins is you might not be teaching road safety and the importance of not wandering off quite so much.

Anyone with any sense will be teaching their DC these things whether they’re wearing reins or not.

BummyKnocker · 23/06/2019 23:31

Please use the reins - a 3 year old boy I know of was killed crossing the road, he was used to holding on to the pushchair but for some reason, walked out into the road. Who cares who judges, your child needs to be safe.

MrsApplepants · 23/06/2019 23:35

Yes I would judge. I’d think you were a sensible and practical parent, taking good care of your child.

PhoenixBuchanan · 23/06/2019 23:38

I used to judge a bit (I grew up in another country where they are very uncommon). Then I had a bolter. I'm planning to buy some imminently.

GrumbleBumble · 23/06/2019 23:42

I'm always amazed by parents that are confidently walking along with toddler's behind them. No way could I have let mine walk out of my direct sight until much much older but I don't judge them. I understand that all children are different and while mine was like Usane Bolt on acid (his nickname as a toddler was "Insane Bolt") I assume that children that are allowed to "free range" at an early age are far more biddable and considerably slower than mine! I used reins because mine could go from happily holding my hand to being 20 yards away in the blink of an eye. If it was somewhere safe (no crowds, no traffic) I let him roam, learn boundaries etc but when we were next to a road, river or somewhere busy he was on reins. That didn't mean I wasn't also holding his hand or asking him a road crossing if it was safe.

doleritedinosaur · 23/06/2019 23:48

Judging for using reins?

I’ve been stopped by people thanking me for using them.
I have the backpack ones for DC2 as he is a runner, we were phasing him out of using them but the other day he bolted & we had to chase him down the long drive so he’s back on them.

He wears them & holds hands so he learns how to behave but he’s not as sensible as his older brother.

ToCallHerOut · 23/06/2019 23:53

I would judge on the circumstance, maybe a good idea if walking along a pavement, I never did use a leash but I understand the reasons why other people might choose too. Having said that, just last week we were at a quiet beach and a father had a leash on his child, I did judge. Just let the child free to play and enjoy!

AlunWynsKnee · 23/06/2019 23:54

Both mine had reins. Not for long but certainly with my younger dc they were a useful threat when I was teaching them that they must hold my hand or stay close to me in certain situations.

GreenTulips · 23/06/2019 23:57

just last week we were at a quiet beach and a father had a leash on his child

My DD fell in the sea and the waves nearly sucked her in, had she not been on reigns she’d have drowned.

But keep judging

daisydoooo · 23/06/2019 23:58

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