Do you judge parents who use reins?

[sqirrelfriends]

Just that really. My toddler has recently started walking and is showing interest in being out of his pram when out and about. He is enjoying his newfound independence and will absolutely not hold my hand anymore so I'm worried about keeping him safe and close without having to constantly run after him.

I bought some reins but have been told since that some mums have been receiving nasty comments and have felt really judged for using them (it's like you're walking a dog, lazy parenting etc.)

I was really just wondering what your opinions of them were and if they wouldn't use them, what the reasons would be?

Tia

DS is very good at holding hands. We don’t need them but we still use a backpack with a rein as extra insurance, after I saw one of his little friends just step off the pavement and get hit by a car. Very luckily it only just clipped her and she wasn’t hurt. But I will never un-see that.

There’s a woman on MN who lost one of her twins due to her husband not using their reins, and anyone who judges or doesn’t like them needs to read her story. Will try to find it and C&P....

Parents get judged for everything these days -you just can't win! I had them for DC1 but didn't need them as they never left my side but I know DC2 is going to be so different when old enough to be on the move. I'd rather see reins than parents running after a toddler that is heading for the road and can't stop them!

No I would never judge a mother who uses them. They are used for the safety of the child whilst they are learning to walk whilst out and about.

If I didn’t use reins my son would run off and he has no sense of danger.

My partner had a different view before we used them with DC. He said he didn’t like them But he soon changed his mind 🤣

There used to be a poster whose child died in similar circumstances to PP above and she would pop up on these threads (they come up a lot which I dont understand to be honest, it seems sensible) to tell people they should definitely use them. So no, I'd never judge someone on it because they're doing their best to keep their kid safe.

I think they're great. DH hates them and thinks "children are not dogs"
Unless youre also feeding your kids from a bowl on the floor and letting them toilet outside then no it's nothing like treating them as dogs!!
Such a stupid logic.

I'd never judge them. Seriously, people judge shit like that? I'd far rather see a child potentially saved from harms way than a child injured or worse for the sake of judging.

We've never used them because my nearly 3 year old would scream bloody murder whenever we tried. Fortunately he's a reasonably good hand holder and if I'm going anywhere super built up or busy I'll take the buggy still as a precaution. My ex will just put him on his shoulders if the need arises.

I remember reading that they surged in sales after James Bulger was kidnapped ☹️ I think they are sensible

They were a godsend for me, I even went on to the wrist strap. People that judge are just arses who need to be ignored.

MrsPresley is the poster whose child passed away and she is a vociferous champion of reins. She made me, and many others, feel good and stick to our decision to use reins for our little runners.

I also was stopped twice in the street, once by a pediatrician and once by a nurse and thanked.

I find it hard to judge parents for safety based decisions, it seems weird.

The poster was @MrsPresley - I hope you don’t mind me coping your post here, MrsP. I think of you often.

*My DS was hit by a car and died because his dad didn't put his reins on him (or his twin sister), he was in a hurry and thought for a short journey it wouldn't matter.

Well we all found out, in the worst way possible that it does matter, it only takes a minute to put them on, and it took less than a minute for my DS to end up under a car, while ExDH was distracted by DD.

Please please always use reins, no matter how short your journey, if you are near a road then put them on.

Believe me when I say you really don't want the life I have had for the past 28 years, I wouldn't wish that on anyone!

Even though I had another 3 children, there is a huge emptiness that will never be filled.

And thank you to the posters who have remembered me, hopefully on the next "reins" thread there will be some more parents who will remember me and please keep telling people how important reins can be

Oh and if anyone says it's like putting them on a lead like a dog, well, would you let your dog run about the streets without a lead.*

They may not be dogs but some little children have less sense than a spaniel. When one of mine was a toddler she would get into defiant moods (rages) and refuse to hold hands and deliberately get in the road/try to open the door of moving car etc. If I hadn't had reins she would be another sad story by now. Luckily as they get older most of them grow more sensible around traffic. TBH I judge harder the people I see letting toddler run about or scoot on pavements by a busy road.

No judgement from me.
DC1 walked wonderfully holding my hand from the time she was about 16 months if it was only a short journey - corner shop and back maybe.
DC2 however is the exact opposite. He’s 2 and a half and still will bolt if he sees something interesting the other side of the street He ms not great for reliably holding my hand either. He wears toddlepak reins. Zero fucks if people judge me for it.
I’d quite like my child to stay alive instead of smeared on the road under a car thanks

I used them, my son was two when I took him on, I’m also tall and couldn’t reach his hand, combine that with the fact that he didn’t know me, not using them would have been completelt irresponsible.

No different to a car seat or cot

They are there for a reason

I still use reins with my 4 year old who has SEN. I get a lot of weird looks because he is older but without them I wouldn’t be able to take him out. He has no sense of danger and runs off in a split second. They keep him safe and that’s the most important thing for me.

I don't judge choosing reins for safety reasons. I am disabled and walk very slowly, sometimes use a wheelchair. I simply cannot run after a toddler. I thought very carefully about reins but decided against it.

I felt it would give my DS a false sense of security and safety. I needed him to learn how to stay safe from very early on. The way we react and respond to our kids when they are in real danger is very different to when we are simply telling them No. Kids understand and respond to the nuance and non-verbal cues, they learn appropriate behaviour if they have the appropriate level of input.

I took my DS on walks down canal towpaths when he first started walking. Single file, me in front, dad behind and DS in the middle. He learned not to wander off too far just by the nature of the dangers around him. We had been doing swimming lessons with him too, he wasn't afraid of water and had practised 'falling in', so we felt comfortable with it. He also understood not to go running in to the canal.

It worked well for us and he is a sensible walker, now 7! He still holds my hand when we walk to school, still doesn't look properly before deciding if it's safe to cross (but he's holding my hand, so ok) and still thinks his invincible.

Do what's right for your child, long term. Reins may be a part of what you need to keep them safe, but think about the overall picture and how you want to get there. Don't give a fuck about what anyone else thinks!!

I would judge, definitely.

My judgement would be 'Well done for taking the safety of your child seriously enough to do something that does attract nasty/snide comments from people who think they know better than you. '

Both DCs wore reins because it was more important to me that my DCs were safe, rather than giving even a second's thought to the snide comments I received.

I know that my DIL and DS have already bought reins in readiness for the day when dgs is ready to walk rather than go in the pushchair.

I use them for my 2 year old now. I felt a lot safer with him using them when I was heavily pregnant and now I have a newborn. Couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. He's my child and his safety is absolutely paramount for me. I'd never forgive myself if anything happened.

He's also ERF because it's safer, no different in my opinion.

As an aside, they also saved a few skinned knees and gravel hands. If the small person falls and you are quick you can effect a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible style rescue.

I didnt realise people did judge people for using reins until I started reading mumsnet! I do use them for DD who is 18 months. She just tries to run off at every opportunity even if im holding her hand, and she is quick!! I wouldn't even consider not using them.

No I would not judge you for one second; I have a terrible back complaint and really struggle to hold hands with little ones regardless of the circumstance - always used a little life back pack when my younger brother was a flight risk. Wouldn’t hesitate to use them once we have our own little ones.

People who judge others based on their safety precautions are in fact dickheads! In my professional life I see the horrific consequences of other people’s blasé approach to safety, never ceases to amaze me how little people genuinely care about risk. Horses for courses and all that - not a risk I’m willing to take personally!

you teach dc to hold hands but have reins for that split second... especially if you have a pushchair with another dc as well - shudders with thought of what can happen

No.

I judge parents who should use them but insead allow their child to tootle around next to roads, across car parks or in busy areas without keeping hold of them.

Our eldest used to do that on purpose, MrsTerryPratchett. Thought it was a great game.

I judged others with my first... and then I had my second who is a runner! I use them now in busy places, they are great for the high street or the airport. Now my littlest is 2.5 and starting to listen more I use them less.