Self soothing 1 month old???

[Jackafina]

Me and DH are both really keen to not have our 1 month old DS be dependant on us fussing her to get her to stop crying, however, I'm really struggling with leaving her to cry it out. This is my first but DH's second time around so I feel like he knows what he's talking about. He also struggles with depression and anxiety and so I'm worried about bringing it up with him in case I trigger something.
Any ideas? Not really sure what kind of help I'm asking for....just need a sounding board I think...

If this is your dh's idea its a bloody shit one. Your baby is crying because it needs you.
Wonder why he is not with his ex??

Sorry but a 1month old needs you when they're crying. They are dependant on you.

You should never leave a one month old baby to cry it out.

Terrible idea, do not listen to this man

And just because it’s his second baby, it does not mean he knows what he’s talking about. I’m on my third baby (currently 7 weeks old) and they’ve all been completely different in terms of their needs/sleep patterns/feeding etc.

A 1 month old is far far too young to self soothe. Sleep training should not be attempted till at least 6 months. Google 4th trimester. Your baby needs you and doesn't yet know the difference between night and day.

She's 1 month old!!!! 1MONTH!!!!! FFS, if you didnt want something to be dependant on you, why did you have a baby? Google the 4th Trimester, and tell your dh he's being a total dick, depression or no depression. Leaving a 1 month old to cry is neglect at best, abuse at worst.

No, do not leave her to cry it out.

She’s tiny. He is completely wrong about this.

(I have 4DCs).

You can't leave a 1 month old to cry it out. Of course he'll be dependent on you- he's tiny and he needs you. Comfort is massively important to such a tiny baby.

This really worries me. You shouldn’t be doing more than feeding and gazing at her at this time.

You shouldn’t be scared to speak with your partner. You can’t live in fear of his reactions.

Young babies cry. It's what they do. It's how they tell you that they need something.

Young babies cannot self soothe. Please do not stop cuddling your baby. You are not creating a rod for your own back. You are caring for your child.

Of course your newborn is dependent on you to stop her crying

You need some support from your HV, you're going to give this baby long term mental health issues.

It's disgusting that you would even consider leaving a one month old baby to cry!! They cry because they are scared or in pain etc not to annoy you. I don't think you should have had a baby if this is your attitude.

4 weeks? 4 weeks?

Fuck me.

It’s not often I judge parents because I know there’s plenty I get wrong with my 3, but I’m judging this one.

4 weeks? One month? You need to adjust your expectations.

If newborns are doing any kind of ‘self-soothing’ it’s usually sucking their thumb or a dummy. So definitely try a dummy if you haven’t already. But you should not leave such a tiny baby to cry it out. You can revisit sleep training should you want to, when she’s at an absolute minimum of 6 months old.

The baby is only DAYS old.

Your DH is a cunt.

A 1 month old? Come on OP be sensible, 1 month is tiny, he isn't going to be independent for a long time and leaving them to cry it out at this age is cruel.

I would echo learning about the 4th trimester.
Babies are deffo too young at this stage to even understand why they do what they do. I wouldn't even try to begin any form of routine till at least 3 months and that's a loose one at best - say bath at 7pm type of thing.
They go through so many growth spurts so the crying is most likely legitimate- eg needing a feed or a hug or being cold, tired, wet etc.
Hugs is what they need now to feel safe. Remember they've lived inside of you for 9 months - they've never known hunger or tiredness or even daylight before. It's all so new. They just need comfort.

But why are they crying? Hungry?wet? Cold? Colic? There could be many reasons. If all needs are met ,no one says you can't put them down for 5 minutes while you clear your head. But it's not ok for you or the baby to leave them cry for ages,especially without even checking their needs are met. That's not fussing,that's looking after a baby.

Look at what has changed for your tiny newborn in the past month. And then decide if you think you can just let them cry about it.

Don’t babies still think they are part of you until after 3 months hence they call it the 4th trimester (the first 3 months).
Your baby will need you, I’d say it’s serious neglect to let it cry or not feed it if needed as that’s what they usually cry about at that age!

He dsnt have a clue! U dnt leave a 1month old to cry it out!!! Babies that age dnt cry unless there is something wrong! And also need there mum, read about the 4th trimester

Oh my love. Right. No. Your baby is teeny tiny. They need you to cuddle and to hold them. No crying it out. Stand firm and tell your Dp you are doing it a different way for now - he isn’t the world’s spokesman on baby wrangling.
Listen to your gut and I hope it’s telling you not to listen - I figure it would be or you wouldn’t have posted. They do get it - the self soothing - but not for a wee while. And it’s tough. They need you a LOT initially. But that’s because they’re so little. Ask him to support you doing it your way. Please please don’t worry about your baby being over reliant on you. That isn’t a thing.
Good luck

@jackafina

You also are a mother now. That means you put your newborn baby’s needs before anyone else’s - including your husbands. If you would rather just leave your baby to cry, despite the damage you could be doing to
her neurologically, than trigger his depression by talking to him about it, you are getting your priorities very very wrong.