Self soothing 1 month old???

[Jackafina]

Me and DH are both really keen to not have our 1 month old DS be dependant on us fussing her to get her to stop crying, however, I'm really struggling with leaving her to cry it out. This is my first but DH's second time around so I feel like he knows what he's talking about. He also struggles with depression and anxiety and so I'm worried about bringing it up with him in case I trigger something.
Any ideas? Not really sure what kind of help I'm asking for....just need a sounding board I think...

No one is going to be supportive of you leaving your 4 week old to cry for an hour every few days because it’s the wrong thing to do. This really is one of those clear cut parenting things.

I wouldn’t go on an opinion forum if the only opinions you’re interested in are those that agree with you.

Nobody is going to tell you that leaving a one month old to cry is a good thing. It's something most of us have done for a few minutes however- when we ourselves are crying with exhaustion and we're desperate for a moment to ourselves.

Otherwise, the best place for a newborn is generally on you.

Google the forth trimester.

This isn't a forum where everyone validates everyone's decisions regardless of how fucking awful they are.

Don't ask for opinions if you don't want them

All I needed was one person to say they’re doing the same thing, or at least for people to be helpful/supportive.

And yet everyone-apart from one- is saying no way would they do the same thing. People aren’t being supportive because it’s a terrible thing to do.

Speak to your health visitor.

Just how is a 4 weeks old baby going to sort things out themselves? If they are thirsty or hungry they can’t pop into the kitchen to make a snack, if they need to loo they can’t just pop off to the loo, if they are tired they can’t themselves comfy, if they are scared they can’t do something to distract themselves and if they are feeling sad they can’t call a friend or ask a partner for a hug.

Crying it out is ignoring your child’s needs, it is neglect.

Children are dependent on their parents that is the way it goes. your baby will be dependent on you for many years to come.

Please speak to your HV and look into the research. You can’t cuddle your baby too much but you can damage them by not cuddling them enough.

Your poor baby :(

Does the crying not cut through you?

Please talk to your HV. You need additional support. Leaving a newborn to cry it out is neglectful.

Oh gosh, this post has made me feel sad. Leaving a baby of that age to cry for half an hour is just dreadful. Poor little bugger. I think Mumsnet is pretty crazy at times but literally everyone here is telling you that leaving a one month old to cry it out is wrong. Please at least try and see their points of view.

You don't k ow you have exhausted all avenues though because they baby can't talk.

Maybe it just wants a cuddle and comfort.

I'm also not necessarily against (some) sleep training type techniques but at that age it is unacceptable. I'm sorry you feel that nobody is supporting you, I did put in my other post what I did with mine.

But you definately shouldn't ignore the advice of 99% of people on this post.

To be fair I think you know it's not right deep down or you wouldn't have posted in the first place

My mum did the same as I’m doing with all three of her babies and we’ve turned out fine, no mental health problems to speak of.

If it's all "fine" why ask then?

Just cuddle your baby! It's a baby for God's sake! Of course it relies on you for comfort, you are it's whole world!

Why would you NOT want to cuddle them by the way?? Cuddling and comforting my baby was the best.

I let my two and a half year old kick off as he’s being a git! At one month they have no other way of telling you anything. They cannot self soothe!!

If ever was a time when I thought someone should not have a child it's now after reading this shite.

Jesus. Please read ALL the comments jack only ONE person has done what you suggest. Its neglectful, awful treatment of a 4 week old baby. Google 4th trimester or at least speak to your HV.
Being your first, I can understand you not knowing what you're doing. Ignorance selfishness is no excuse to ignore your child.
Give your head a bloody wobble and attend to your child.

I actually feel fucking heartbroken at your post and unwillingness to look at another perspective instead of annoying/triggering your OH.
where is his kid now?! Do you have them on regular visits and sleepovers?

My mum did the same as I’m doing with all three of her babies and we’ve turned out fine, no mental health problems to speak of.

Leaving a brand new baby to cry sounds like a mental fucking illness to me.

A secure and happy baby is a better one than one that quietens themselves down. I feel so sad reading this again.

You have years of dependence on you coming - enjoy your newborn. They have no one else to rely on.

But happymummy didn't agree as she said her baby only cried when hungry so I assume she fed her baby. She did not leave her baby to cry itself to sleep so not the same scenario at all

My stomach would literally churn the second DS cried. It still does now at 18 months. If you need a couple of minutes whilst rushing to the loo or something then no problem but anything more than that, intentionally leaving a one month old to cry it out, is cruel.

She cries for about half an hour to an hour every few days or so if she’s had a particularly sleepy day

This is too long to leave a 1 month old baby to cry without comfort

it's debatable that the three of you have turned out well.

It implies a level of callousness, that a tiny baby that has barely had the vernix wiped off them is left to cry.

Or Maybe you had a naughty baby? what else are you thinking of doing to it to teach it how to behave :( poor baby.

My mum did the same as I’m doing with all three of her babies and we’ve turned out fine, no mental health problems to speak of.

Yes, that's how science works.

Reading your posts has actually made me feel anxious for your baby. 1 month old and left to cry for an hour, that's awful

Just go with your instincts. They will be spot on this early postpartum. If you're struggling to do it, then go with that.

Newborns are not meant to be left to cry. Hearing their distress motivates (the vast majority) into action. It's biological. I can feel my cortisol levels rising when I hear a new baby crying.

When both mine were small my milk would let down when I heard a newborn cry. Hormones - they are a species protector!