Self soothing 1 month old???

[Jackafina]

Me and DH are both really keen to not have our 1 month old DS be dependant on us fussing her to get her to stop crying, however, I'm really struggling with leaving her to cry it out. This is my first but DH's second time around so I feel like he knows what he's talking about. He also struggles with depression and anxiety and so I'm worried about bringing it up with him in case I trigger something.
Any ideas? Not really sure what kind of help I'm asking for....just need a sounding board I think...

Your baby is crying because she needs you. All she has ever know is a dark cosey bubble and now the big world is terrifying and you are all she knows she has

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not leave a ONE MONTH OLD to 'cry it out' that is horrific.

DD is 7 months old and I don't even leave her to cry it out - guess what, she self settles when she wants to and if she wants a cuddle and a rock to sleep, she gets that too. She goes to bed at 7pm every night beautifully with no intervention from me.

DH is a knob if he thinks letting a 1 month old scream is in their best interests.

I don't really know much about CIO but doesn't the baby have to be at least 6 months?

Of course your baby is dependent on you, she is a newborn.

Please don't leave her to cry. That won't "make her independent", it will cause her to develop attachment disorder. At this age it is a form of neglect.

Your 1 month old is dependent on you!!! Do not leave them to cry it out please! They are way too little

Sorry, that came across as really harsh - but TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Of course this feels wrong because it is wrong.

I am struggling with your premise a little bit though - that you don't want her to be dependent on you to help her stop crying - what do you think she is crying about, and how can she solve that on her own? She can't even control her own arms yet.

The first 3 months of a baby's life are called the Fourth Trimester. She was safe inside of you for 9 months but is now in the loud, bright outside which must be overwhelming. She can't see ling distance yet, can't vocalize her needs, can't move to what she wants and needs to eat like a dozen times a day.

A self-soothing one month old is very unusual. In my experience babies are very unsettled for the first 4-6 months. Your cuddles literally help her emotional and brain development and it's ridiculous that you don't want a 1 month old to be dependent on you.

She doesn't know her arse from her elbow at one month, never mind how to self soothe. She wants her mum and you should be responding to her.

I've got 3. My third is only a newborn. My other 2 are older, sleep through the night and have done since they were about 2 months (starting with maybe midnight - 6am and getting gradually earlier at bedtime and later up in the morning).

We did this by feeding in the dark and night and putting them back in their cot afterwards whether they were awake or asleep. If they cried they got a cuddle before being put back down. Sometimes they burgled happily and fell asleep on their own. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.

Your husband is expecting far too much from a newborn.

That should say **gurgled!

1 month old is far too young to be using 'cry it out' type methods. I'm not a fan of this sort of thing anyway, but even if I was I wouldn't attempt it until 6 months at least. Your baby is crying because it wants and needs you. Do not listen to your DP, he knows nothing!

Sorry to break it to you but they'll be dependent on your for ~18 years or so !

Your baby is 1 month old, of course they depend on you!!! Please don't leave them to cry.

You*

This is fucked! I feel upset even reading your post. Fussed? FUSSED?!! It's called caring for your baby. The poor poor thing. As for a PP saying trust your instincts, I really don't think you should if you think comforting a month old is fussing.

Actually having reread your post I am relieved you are struggling with CIO- trust that feeling!

Gee thanks everyone for comforting words of wisdom and help. I knew this Mumsnet bollocks was a waste of time. Screw you all.

Dying at @jackafina looking here for comfort when she’s old enough to have a baby- and flouncing when she doesn’t get it.... but expecting said baby not to need comforting???

We’re through the fucking looking glass here people...

Sorry op but the one needing comfort is your poor baby.

I've always let ds settle himself to sleep, from when he came home from hospital. But at that age he fell asleep drinking his bottle so was sleeping when we put him down.
He only really cried at that age when he was hungry.

Thank you @happymummy12345 that’s what I needed to hear.
OBVIOUSLY I don’t just leave her to cry if I haven’t exhausted all avenues as to why she’s crying first. I’m not a moron. She cries for about half an hour to an hour every few days or so if she’s had a particularly sleepy day.
My mum did the same as I’m doing with all three of her babies and we’ve turned out fine, no mental health problems to speak of.
All I needed was one person to say they’re doing the same thing, or at least for people to be helpful/supportive.

So you’re ignoring everyone who disagrees, and just taking on board the view of the one person who agrees with you?
If you think it’s fine, why did you post?

And sometimes babies cry because they need comfort. That’s a perfectly valid need.

Well your first post was pretty vague and it felt as though your priorities was more about not triggering your partners depression over baby's needs.

Well then OP, don't bother asking if you don't want to be told the opposite. It's quite simple, I guess you've learned your lesson.

Your mum will have not known any different as their wasn't the relevant research done then, doesn't mean that there wasn't any damage caused.

What a ridiculous post.

I left my dd to cry for 2 min intervals as we had ran out of ideas, but she was well over 6 months, probably over 1 year. So I am not against it.

At 1 month baby is far too young, if they cry you go to them.

*there