Self soothing 1 month old???

[Jackafina]

Me and DH are both really keen to not have our 1 month old DS be dependant on us fussing her to get her to stop crying, however, I'm really struggling with leaving her to cry it out. This is my first but DH's second time around so I feel like he knows what he's talking about. He also struggles with depression and anxiety and so I'm worried about bringing it up with him in case I trigger something.
Any ideas? Not really sure what kind of help I'm asking for....just need a sounding board I think...

I'm sorry, but you are being very cruel.

I suspect you will learn over the next few months as most of us already have, that a young baby is not a performing monkey who sleeps, eats and stops crying on command.

At 4 weeks old, your baby is crying for a reason, whatever that may be. Not to annoy you!

Oh dear. Your baby is only a few weeks old. He needs his mum and dad to comfort him, hold him and be there for him.

I'm surprised that OP came back.

If you are still reading, scientists have done research since our generation were babies and found CIO to be cruel because of the chemicals released when they get upset. Most people don't sleep train until 6 to 12 months plus.

A month old being left to ‘cry it out’ sounds absurd to me. Even if it’s once every few days. Babies need cuddling and attachment. Why are we so attuned to the needs of adults (in this case the DH) but so keen to foster independence in a baby who can’t see more than a metre or so at this age?? This is madness. Even my 2 year old who can ‘self soothe’ needs comfort and cuddles. Comfort and cuddles is not just ‘meeting their needs’ and changing their nappies and feeding them. It’s also being attuned to their emotional needs and offering comfort just BECAUSE. There doesn’t have to be a reason to cuddle your child (or anyone you love for that matter).

One month sorry is he daft. My oh has chronic anxiety and depression and never expected that our 18.5 months old is only just starting to self soothe

Why are we being so abusive towards Jackafina here? We all know just how hard being a new mother is and having read the original post I can’t see anywhere she has said she leaves her baby to cry for an hour. It is easy to say she should cuddle the baby all the time but we don’t know how practical that is and how old DH’s other child is and if he or she also needs caring for.

Jackafina - my baby would always need to be cuddled or fed to sleep in the early months and would wake up whenever he was put down. Some days it was wonderful to just cuddle him and other days frustrating because I was trying to express to encourage supply but I couldn’t ever put him down as it took two hours to feed him at that time. However, movement would rock him to sleep so I took him out in the pram a lot and also used a vibrating rocker.

At around 7 months old something just clicked and he worked out that sleeping was good and now self soothes very well so I don’t think you should fear “teaching” your baby to be reliant as over time she will learn that you are there when she needs you and be more content.

She cries for about half an hour to an hour every few days or so if she’s had a particularly sleepy day.

Posted by the OP on 25/2 at 20:54

Hi OP,
You are finding it difficult because you are a mum and just like it is your baby's instincts to want comfort, it is your instinct to want to comfort her. Go with your gut.

Please don't feel you have to do something which feels wrong to you because other people are telling you.

Comforting her will also comfort you

Can i just state the obvious here- it sounds like happymummy hasn't validated your method OP. She said, in so many words, that she fed baby to sleep - therefore this isn't self-settling. Nobody is advocating what you do. Trust me, I hate some of the nasty, judgey types on Mumsnet, but every person on this thread is saying the same thing! They are all 100% right. Why on earth have a baby if you don't want to comfort and cuddle him/her. The first three/four months are all about this and it is exhausting but oh so precious! Your health visitor will say the same thing - will you tell her to go screw herself?!