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Original poster

OMG...Assaulted Somebody Today

188 replies

Momp · 27/08/2004 17:20

Hello All,

Haven't posted for what seems like forever so I hope you are all ok.

Went to Cadbury World today with MIL, DD (4) and DS (18mths). DS started to get crabby.

We waited in a cramped and very full area to see a film, but we missed the first show as there was so many people waiting. During the next wait, DS started screaming. He was obviously tired and he NEVER sleeps in the pushchair.

Our turn came for the show so we went into the small cinema. DS was very upset so we asked one of the staff to show us how to get out. MIL would take him out while I stayed in the show with DD. Staff said go into the cinema and wait for her to come over.

This didn't happen. 5 mins into the show a middle aged chap (on his own with wife) came over to MIL, asked her to leave as we were spoiling the show for everybody. Lady next to MIL said don't you dare leave.

Man goes back to his seat. MIL goes over to him and asks if he has kids. Quite politely I must add.

I go over to him and explain that we asked someone to show us the way out but nobody helped.

I then called him a very rude man, grabbed his glasses and threw them at him! We spotted a fire exit, left the cinema and came straight home.

I am now awaiting a knock on the door from Mr Plod.

What would my fellow MN's do in the same situation?

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hmb · 28/08/2004 09:47

I'm glad that you are feeling so positive about things now, and great that you are thinking about the training. I'm sure that you will find it very helpful and that your children will enjoy time with other kids....I know that mine did.

Sorry to pick again, but 'if your dh agrees'? If he is the one that is so stongly against others looking after your kids, let him be the full time parent! Flipping heck, you have rights and needs too.

Original poster
Momp · 28/08/2004 09:49

Thank you hmb. DH looked after DS recently for 4 days while I went away with DD and my Mum.

He said he doesn't know how I manage with 2 kids!

OP posts:
gothicmama · 28/08/2004 09:52

momp I think you should just do it - my dh was against other people looking after dd but he soon changed his mind as we as afamily seemed to beome happier

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hmb · 28/08/2004 09:53

My dh said the same to me, he once took a moths leave so that I could go to work for a month when dd was 18 months.....one of the best things that we ever did as a family. It gave all of us a much better 'handle' on each others lives, and the kids know not to try to use dh as a 'soft touch'.

Seriously tho, if you don't have a probelm with them going to a creche so you can train then look into it. If he is the one with the problem, let him put his time where his beliefs are and spend the time with them himself. Easy to have opinions if someone else impliments them.

aloha · 28/08/2004 09:53

I think it is all very well for your dh to insist that other people should never look after your children BUT he isn't doing it, is he? What he means is that he insists that YOU look after the children, 24/7. What's so special about school that makes it suddenly completely OK for 'other people' to look after your children? Four is perfectly old enough for creche, and plenty of 18month olds really do enjoy spending time with other caring adults, their older sibling and other children. I really, really think you need to do something for yourself. YOu sound like a pressure cooker and you need some outlet to remove the frustration in your life. With a disability and full time care for two lively children and a husband who is putting even more pressure on you, frankly I'm not very surprised you snapped. I really hope this incident gives you the impetus to sit down with your husband and talk about what you need in life. I get the strong impression that he has really given up/changed very little by having children, yet you have had to sacrifice a lot. We all make sacrifices for our children, but you are still a person in your own right, just as your husband is. He gets to be that person at work, and all you are asking for a is a few hours for yourself a week. It isn't too much. I doubt he realises how unhappy his 'principles' (which have no basis in reality - there's lots of evidence showing that children thrive when they see other people and older kids (ie older than babies) in particular really can flourish in daycare) are making you. Good luck renegotiating the rest of your life!

aloha · 28/08/2004 09:56

Also, don't beg for time for yourself. Obviously it would be better for you as a family if he supported your decision, but it's not his decision to make alone by any means. As others have said, if he doesn't want 'other people' to look after your children - and by extension, for you to have a full life - then he can look after them himself!

Original poster
Momp · 28/08/2004 09:56

Enrolment is next week so I don't have long to change DH's attitude.

He did look concerned though when he saw me upset this morning as he was going to work. I told him how cross I was with myself for what happened yesterday.

Maybe if he knows I need to do the course for my own well being and for a better family life, then perhaps he might be swayed.

OP posts:
Fairyfly · 28/08/2004 09:56

Absolutely agree with Aloha so won't repeat it, at what sacrifice will you follow HIS opinion

Twiglett · 28/08/2004 09:59

message withdrawn

JanH · 28/08/2004 10:01

Me too, Momp. Self-therapy service from mumsnet! Good luck with DH and the course.

Original poster
Momp · 28/08/2004 10:01

I am so sorry for forgetting to thank both Aloha and Fairyfly for your posts. Thank you so very much.

This is not meant to be an award receiving ceremony whereby I thank everybody but it seems to be going that way!

OP posts:
moomina · 28/08/2004 10:02

Momp, what did your dh say about the incident? Sorry if you've already said, but surely he must be able to see that you are at the end of your tether and that something has to give?

Whilst I know I was part of the 'judge and jury' (and still don't in any way condone what you did), I do understand how you may have got to that point of no return. You sound as if you are under a lot of stress.

Your adult ed course isn't something that your dh gets to allow or not allow, fgs! And an hour's swimming once a week isn't exactly much to ask. I really hope you can sit down with him and get something positive to come out of this whole situation. Good luck.

Original poster
Momp · 28/08/2004 10:05

The majority of posts in reply yesterday were condemning my behaviour. In particular Twiglett -your post made the difference.

You didn't hold back and that is what I needed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Momp · 28/08/2004 10:08

I'm embarassed to say that my DH would have done a lot worse than I did if he had been there.

Thank God he wasn't because I don't know what state our family would be in today if he was there.

OP posts:
krocket · 28/08/2004 10:08

momp - good for you. some excellent advice on here. good luck

paularat · 28/08/2004 10:09

Good for you momp. You def need some "me" time. Echo Aloha.

Original poster
Momp · 28/08/2004 10:12

Have to go and shower now and play with the kids. Feeling guilty for being on here but it is so therapeutic!

I am worried that I wont be welcome on MN again in the future but will post anyway to see how it goes.

THANK YOU ALL xxxxx

OP posts:
paularat · 28/08/2004 10:14

You're always welcome. :)

moomina · 28/08/2004 10:15

Rubbish, of course you will be welcome!

You made a mistake. You won't do it again. The jury have left the building - now stop beating yourself up and try to have a nice Bank Holiday.

Fairyfly · 28/08/2004 10:17

Your husband won't be if he doesn't let you start college

Jimjams · 28/08/2004 10:31

oh yes your dh needs to understand. For the first 2 years dh loked after ds1 every saturday whilst I worked. He doesn't do it as much now but he does do it occasinally- enough to remind him really. Agree with alohas post as well.

handlemecarefully · 28/08/2004 17:49

Ummmmm - well quite honestly I don't think I would have thrown his glasses at him....you sort of lost the moral upper hand by doing that. I probably would have said something cutting to him though!

But don't agonise over it, what is done is done....just take a deep breath next time

earlygirl · 28/08/2004 18:07

havent got time to read all this thread
i understand why you got mad of course, but i would say you went too far
i have some bad issues with my temper-youre not alone- ( i scream shout ,have been known to throw and punch walls)which i am trying to deal with through counselling
but i would draw the line at physical abuse
usually find a good bit of verbal abuse does the trick and failing that a 'v' sign!
dont feel bad though its done now -just try not to go that far next time
remaining calm whilst you give the va is prob best!! lol but easier said than done .......

shortcake · 28/08/2004 18:08

Am I the only one to have any sympathy with this bloke - after all he had waited for the show and paid to go in too. And it is intensely irritating to have children crying through films etc - he was probably stressed out as well!

fabarooney · 28/08/2004 18:30

Momp, Hope you are doing OK. Perhaps instead of concentrating on your behaviour during this incident, which from the beginning you have acknowledged was OTT, you should be more concerned with the things that have brought you to this point.

You sound as though you really need some time for yourself.

I'm a SAHM too and have put my 2 girls into daycare for 2 days a week once they got to 18 months. They benefit hugely from the stimulation of other carers and children. They also benefit from the attention of a mum that has had a bit of time to recharge. Your husband may not agree with childcare for pre-schoolers but he's not the one actually doing the childcare. You are the principal carer for your children so the decision is yours at the end of the day.