You know you are finally a real mother when......

[PetitFilou1]

You are eating a fruit Gu pudding and think 'that pot will make a good thruster for the rocket I'm going to build with ds'

You've scooped a child's turd out of the bath with your bare hands.

""Does the vomit not just run out through your fingers? I'm confused!""

Nah if you get the cupping action right you can keep a hold of it until your dp finally stops banging about under the sink and comes back with the boody basin you could have got in half the time.

the thought of doing the school run in your pj's sounds very appealing.

(that could be just me though)

adath - this sounds like a long-running gripe! I'll work on my cupping action, does it also work for wee?

Hassled - that happened chez nous a couple of hours ago. Only I called out helplessly to dh that I can't catch them (it was a rather loose disintegrated motion). Was about to suggest he gets the fishing net, when he says "move over, I'll get it" and swiftly catches it all up. Obviously more of a mum than me. But I can live with that.

Katy never tried it for wee hmmm must see. It was a night when dd was throwing up constantly and I was stripping her bed and dp took her downstairs and the idiot never got a basin so I came down when I had done and dp had decided that when dd announced she was going to be sick again was the time to start looking for a bowl she vomited I threw out my cupped hands lol.

I do know that when you have horrendous morning sickness and a toddler with a nappy that has been brewing all night IYKWIM the second your stomach lurches when you open that nappy having a potty to hand is good.

Maybe I should write down my ludicrous and disgusting top tips.

That would be a good parenting book, with a parental guidance style stamp "Not for the faint hearted"

When you think 3 hours is a good chunk of sleep.

When you lean over affectionately to dh and blow a raspberry on his cheek where you used to kiss

When your son says he has to wee wee in the car, and there is no way you can stop, you quickly drink the remaining water in the waterbottle, pull his trousers/pants down and stick his little willie in the bottle so he can pee in there.

I was actually in the bath with my daughter when she decided to have a pooh. DH fell flat on the floor laughing so hard.

When you leave the house with all the RIGHT emergency backups.

How is it possible that this thread has made me pmsl and feel physically sick at the same time?
I'm quite worried actually my ds is only 7mnths and I haven't had to catch sick in my hands or put his willy in a bottle or scoop turds out the bath, is this really what I have to look forward too?
I agree with the rest though!I think you know your a mum when you walk round Tesco with a dummy in your mouth and dont even realise until another little boy shouts 'mummy, look at that lady trying to be a baby!'

alfie, thank heavens I have so far managed to avoid catching any sick and ds is nearly 4. So I hope it's kind of optional...

You say

'because I say so!'

You are dressed up to the nines for the first time in yonks wearing very unmumsy 6 inch stillettos and sexy pencil skirt, not a sign of baby puke to be found. Smooching away with dh on the dance floor and someone says "what are you wearing on your finger??" you look down and see a winnie the pooh dummy.

When a shower is a necessity but a bath is a luxury

When someone says "oh your baby's been sick" and you say "and?"

When you go shopping and just can't pass the baby clothes shops.

When you weigh up whether you should make yourself some lunch or get dressed first.

You always talk about yourself in the third person. "Fluffyanimal's going to have lunch now."

You ask your 38 year old brother if he needs to go to the toilet before we go shopping together

...when you hear your mother's words to you as a child coming out of your mouth.

having a poo becomes a spectator sport

...you feel your heart stop for half a second when you hear a baby start crying...and then remember yours is nearly 4yo!!!

What is it with catching the sick? My motherly reflex action is to hold dd and point her away from people and easily soiled items, would never try and catch the puke Maybe its my general aversion to puke tho

...you get excited when you see a digger or a crane, even when you are alone

i opened a packet of crisps for my bf once before giving them to her - she told me needed to get out more!

you dont lay in bed beyond 7am!!

Dear god this thread has made me cry with laughter .

Instead of humming favourite bands latest song as you wander around town you realise you are singing
"Hey hey are you ready to play? It's time to come and play, why don't you come and play, with the Twee-ee-ee-nies!"

OMG!!!

Some of these are soo true! and sooo funny! i am almost literally pmsl.