Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

RISK you take with your children

264 replies

mylittleimps · 27/05/2007 20:27

Xenia said: "Anything can be discussed. Start a risk thread. Namby pamby look after children all the time parents who don't let them go out alone, run in forests, ride horses and risk death damage their children hugely. ", she also said that the case of Madeleine McCann would not change her in as much she would still leave a similar age child alone and go out to dinner in similar circumstances. Xenia also said it was just the same as putting them to bed and going down stairs to have dinner.

i let my young children ride horses, play outside witha river at the bottom of the garden or at their grandparents with a lake. they have lived in a "construction site" since birth, i let them sleep on their fronts BUT i would never ever leave them alone and go out to dinnerb or even leave my rpoperty boundary. and it is not the same putting them to bed and going down stairs.

i believe now the McCanns have pubilically stated that the quilt will never leave them and the poor child is still missing this is a debate that should be had now as if some people can still say it's acceptable is worrying (to me) and I believe children are still at risk if this message is left unchecked

so where fdo you draw the line at risks wrt your children (we all know that as parents we have to take them)

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 27/05/2007 21:28

nkf - I wouldn't actually leave children for more than 20 mins and then it would only be for an hour or two total at a hotel.

But I think those who say "no way" are either overprotective, or have a faulty understanding of risk. as I say, going near a busy road is more dangerous.

JodieG1 · 27/05/2007 21:28

Agree again GDG, mine are 5, 3 and 19 weeks but the older 2 really do follow me about most of the time lol. I avoid all the risks that I can with them though.

expatinscotland · 27/05/2007 21:29

Aitch, you absolutely must come along for a visit - it is so incredibly beautiful there.

Just the right sort of isolation we are looking for - neighbours about, but the main town centre is a good 8 miles up.

We're also buying their old car for a song, as in this area you need two in case one goes down, but DH is taking over the chap's job so he'll get a company car to use for work.

Aitch · 27/05/2007 21:29

mumemma. how did they bounce back from that?

Aitch · 27/05/2007 21:30

woo-hoo! expat that sounds FANTASTIC!

bozza · 27/05/2007 21:30

DD tends to think it is her right to follow me to the loo anyway. Another thing we have to bear in mind regarding risk assessment, is that a lot of it can depend on the child themself.

JodieG1 · 27/05/2007 21:30

In a fire the smoke would kill young children before the fire would, so if you could see the fire them your children would probably already be dead. Also how would you save your children from a fire that you could see from a way away from where they were? Could be overrun by the time you got back.

Tangfastic · 27/05/2007 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieG1 · 27/05/2007 21:32

Being taken wouldn't be the first on my list of worries should I leave my children alone either.

I don't think I have a faulty understanding of risk, I just don't put my own pleasure of going out above my chidren's safety and really knowing they are safe by being with them.

Gobbledigook · 27/05/2007 21:32

You probably wouldn't even be allowed back into the building if there was a fire, or even up to the next floor if you were just downstairs.

MrsSpoon · 27/05/2007 21:33

hijack alert< Expat, are you still going to be a 'Scottish' MNetter?

Original poster
mylittleimps · 27/05/2007 21:37

mine are pre-schoolers - following on from my earlier posts i admit instead of taking a child (who is a nightmare to get back into the car because he is travel sick)out of my car to pay for petrol (when i can see my locked car all the time) i used to leave my ds's in the car, but i have re-evaluated this since the case of the McCann's as DH and I had a discussion and he said it was no different i could be accused of leaving them alone. I have never left them in a supermarket carpark to nip in to do the shopping

I have been working on our house (never with music on) whilst the boys play elsewhere in the house but they know exactly where i am and i can hear them.

when i take them to the adventure playground etc, they know they must not go on to another slide etc without me being there with them both.

i had a horrible experience in a supermarket where a man kept approaching ds1 with me right there next to him (it scared me for a long time) so i am accutely aware these things can happen when you are with them - so i would never leave them alone as i just see that as an opportunity of eliminating some risk byt always being there - plus I'm pretty sure my two would try and find me if they discovered they were alone and if they didn't happen to what they would get up to alone i shudder to think so i just wouldn't ever leave them asleep or awake

terrible mumemma absolutely awful.

OP posts:
mumemma · 27/05/2007 21:38

Aitch - I think I would have had to move house but my mum is very resilient. It actually happened to several other people nearby and eventually the police tracked down and caught a gang who were doing it. It transpired that some people never even reported it because they felt so embarrassed and couldn't even explain what had happened. They had these canisters of gas which just knocked people out for hours. Luckily it is a rare occurrence - hope it stays that way.

SenoraPostrophe · 27/05/2007 21:40

mli: have you not considered that taking a small child accross a busy garage forecourt is a lot more dangerous than leaving said small child strapped in in the car? children get run over every day. they get abducted rarely, and even when they do it is usually from a quiet location, not a busy garage with cctv etc.

toomuchtodo · 27/05/2007 21:40

bozza,

"I'd never, ever leave them in bed sleeping and leave the house to go across the road to have dinner"

in reply, I wouldn't go out for the night to have dinner across the road and leave my children in the manner the McCann's did on holiday, thats what I meant

why are you asking me why? do you mean why wouldn't I leave them alone sleeping in the house?

if thats what you meant I suppose the answer is I woulnd't be able to actually sit and eat and enjoy my meal thinking thats one of them might wake up and be crying for me, ot might wake up and get up to mischief

sorry if I've taken your "why toomuchtodo"? wrongly

Original poster
mylittleimps · 27/05/2007 21:45

SenoraPostrophe - i don't think i am overprotective my house has never been what i decsribe as child friendly for instance but i would never leave them alone, child friendly house or not.

another exanple is there is a river at the bottom of our garden - someone said i'm a bad mother for not fencing it off, i said if i did i would them have to watch them even closer as they are boys and they will want to climb it one way or another. i have a risk either way and i have had to choose, if i was overprotective i wouldn't ever let them outside and keep the doors locked but they have grown up with it and know to ask to go outside.

when DS2 was much younger (probably 2.5) he took the chain off the front door and decided to see the neighbours daughter. i was still in bed but i heard the chain and i was up like a shot. he didn't have to even go out on to the pavement to get to next door but the point is i heard him as i was in the house despite being in bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
mylittleimps · 27/05/2007 21:48

SenoraPostrophe, i know, but luckily not yet had to get petrol whilst the ds's are in the car, apart from i did when i passed an asda and so i could use the pay at the pump facility and therefore not upset DH, keep meaning to discuss again with him as i do think it is different as i can see them all the time

OP posts:
Aitch · 27/05/2007 21:49

am absolutely gobsmacked, mumemma. your mum must be very brave.

toomuchtodo · 27/05/2007 21:51

these threads about what has happened over in Portugal have really worried me in that I'd never have believed the amount of parents saying they would leave/or have left their young kids in the manner this little girl and her siblings were left

I've got my own theories about professional parents who think its acceptable (in the manner Xenia is saying) but certainly MN isn't the place to say them as I think a vast majority of parents on MN are more like the people who go on Mark Warner holidays rather than the people like me who go self catering to haven holidays cos thats all they can afford.

Aitch · 27/05/2007 22:01

you are making A Lot of assumptions. perhaps people just don't think the same as you do, it doesn't mean that they're loaded or don't care about their children as much as you do.

mumemma · 27/05/2007 22:03

I hope something positive comes out of all of this in terms of the way some of the holiday companies/hotels structure their meal arrangements. I have never been on a Mark Warner or to any sort of organised/family friendly resort but what has happened to us at some hotels (and I believe can be the case at MW or others) is that there are children's meals served early and more adult oriented restaurants serving meals later but not really an overlap. Please feel free to correct me on this.

We've tended to either go out to local restaurants in Spain/Portugal/Italy where it's normal for children to be there and up late OR eaten in the hotel and left our children sleeping in the room, partly because there are more British guests/less children eating in the restaurant/children's meals no longer available. I'm not blaming the hotels or holiday companies but a bit more flexibility would be good. I hate that tut tut attitude of 'what are those children still doing up at this time?' - I wish our whole British culture was more like other European countries where children are more integrated.

NKF · 27/05/2007 22:03

I agree Aitch. The attitude to risk clearly isn't driven by money or class.

wheresthevalium · 27/05/2007 22:04

I used to be quite blase about dashing to the corner shop (literally 50 feet away from front door) until around 6 months ago.

DD2 (aged just 3) managed to go into my bedroom, put a pile of washing on a lamp and start a fire which caused around £2k worth of damage in the space of about 15-20 minutes.

I had walked past the bottom of the stairs to go to the kitchen, then 15-20 minutes later heard my DD1 shouting, I went to the bottom of the stairs to see what the problem was, and there was smoke billowing out of my bedroom and into the rest of upstairs.

I know that this an unusual thing to happen, but please keep it in mind

wheresthevalium · 27/05/2007 22:05

Oh, everyone was fine (and I did get to see lots of cute firemen)

adath · 27/05/2007 22:06

I think we all make risk assesments at the time as things crop up. It is difficult to bring up your children without some element of risk, on this thread for example people have mentioned leaving children in the car to pay for petrol and I know people who would never do that but having wieghed up the risk of dragging 2 children across a busy forecourt I leave them but I wouldn't leave them sleeping in the car park of a supermarket to go shopping.
We do things every day that involve danger to some degree and nobody bats an eye until things go wrong then everyone is shouting for social services.