RISK you take with your children

[mylittleimps]

Xenia said: "Anything can be discussed. Start a risk thread. Namby pamby look after children all the time parents who don't let them go out alone, run in forests, ride horses and risk death damage their children hugely. ", she also said that the case of Madeleine McCann would not change her in as much she would still leave a similar age child alone and go out to dinner in similar circumstances. Xenia also said it was just the same as putting them to bed and going down stairs to have dinner.

i let my young children ride horses, play outside witha river at the bottom of the garden or at their grandparents with a lake. they have lived in a "construction site" since birth, i let them sleep on their fronts BUT i would never ever leave them alone and go out to dinnerb or even leave my rpoperty boundary. and it is not the same putting them to bed and going down stairs.

i believe now the McCanns have pubilically stated that the quilt will never leave them and the poor child is still missing this is a debate that should be had now as if some people can still say it's acceptable is worrying (to me) and I believe children are still at risk if this message is left unchecked

so where fdo you draw the line at risks wrt your children (we all know that as parents we have to take them)

The only way the opposing side of this dabate seem able to argue is by personal attack. "If you are so confident of your parenting skills why come on mumsnet"! At what point have I said I was confident in my parenting skills? I am sorry, Rhubarb, but I have just as much right to come on mumsnet as you. And I am not a new poster by the way; I usually stick to the special needs threads. Why all the abuse and derision? i have not been unpleasant at any point in this debate.

Agree with lemontree - mumoftwoangels I have stated time and time again that your way of parenting, whilst different to mine is fine by me! I have no argument with that. My argument is firstly with mylittleimps who seemed to imply in one of her posts that cot deaths are the mother's fault for not putting the baby to sleep properly and that anyone whose view differs to hers is negligent. She bandies the term "neglect" around and yet states that she is merely interested and not judgemental.

Also with toomuchtodo who thinks that my posting is aggressive and defensive.

I do think it is cheap and nasty to use the McCanns situation as an example. But if you have an opinion to make then please do make it. Your opinion is as valid as anyone else's on here.

Tiggi - dearie me! I did not name any posters when I said that so why do you think I was directing that comment at you?

However I stand by that, if you are not seeking advice, if your views are so strongly enforced that you will not tolerate another's, then why come onto a parenting forum? It is a question, not a statement inferring that you should go.

I will not have my words twisted when I have tried to take everyone's view into account and reply reasonably.

No, i have not called any neglegent. Nor have i said if something happens you are a bad parent. What i have said is that is is your choice and if somethings happens You have to live with it. In the same way as i have to live with the desicions i make with my girls.

Somethings in life cannot be predicted, but for those things that can, i try to protect.

I want my dc to beable to enjoy being children. They are both too young to assess risks. They cannot judge the speed of cars, so in my opinion they are not old enough to play in situations where they need to. I want my dc to be Children not miny adults, while i can make choices for them i do.

I can tell by the way you speak so pationatley on this subject You want to do what is best for yours too, but in your opinion not mine. Yes that is fine, there is nothing wrong in that.

There is a world of difference between have different opinions of parenting than accusing someone of neglect.

My dd1 is at school, she has a friend who's mum often says dd1 should come to play. It has never happened as i know she lets her kids play out on the street. Thats not accusing her of neglect thats protecting my daughter. If she chooses to let her dd play in the road that is her choice.

I think we can have strong views on one topic and still seek advice on other subjects dont you Rhubarb? And why should I change my stance just because it is not the same as yours-it works both ways you know! We both have a right to our opinions and to state what they are, without being personally attacked and ridiculed.

Tiggi you confuse me, where have I personally attacked or ridiculed?

I am going to cut and paste my post of yesterday as I'm not sure you read it.

"I accept that some of you are protective towards your young and don't like to let them out of your sight. There is nothing wrong with that and you should obviously do what is right for you as parents. I don't think anyone has the right to say "That's crap and it makes you a suffocating mother".

But neither do you have the right to say the opposite to those of us who aren't so protective.

I was brought up in the town. I was left playing out by myself for hours at a time. If my mother wanted me she would send one of my older siblings to find me. She didn't know where I was or who I was with, but I wasn't so different from all my friends who were brought up the same way. And that was in the midst of the Moors Murders.

Now I hardly see any kids playing out. They are all sat at home on their computer games where parents can see them. Just in case there happens to be a paedo round the corner who will snatch them.

And you know what? Whenever anything goes wrong, no matter what it is, it is always the mother who gets the blame. That is what really gets my back up. As if we don't have enough responsibility and people judging our every move! Honestly, if you feed your child a sausage roll you'd have a thread on Mumsnet condemning you.

We all love our children dearly, so why can't we just leave each other to get on with parenting the way we each see fit? And instead of blaming the mother when things go tragically wrong, why can't we have a heart and give them all our love and sympathy instead? Or is that too much to ask?"

That is my stance. I have not argued that any of you are wrong to be protective. I have not passionately argued the opposite. I have argued that the McCann case should not be used so cheaply and held aloft as a warning to parents. That, I feel strongly about. Abduction is very very very rare and parents should not be made to feel frightened or paranoid that it will happen to them. That is scaremongering and I do believe that parents get enough crap thrown at them without this too.

So why don't we all take a deep breath, leave this thread to die and if you want to start another general one without mentioning the McCanns then go ahead. As I've said, this topic has been covered many times in Mumsnet and it can be very interesting. So long as the participants are prepared to listen and have a sense of humour.

Alright Rhubarb I take your point. Please accept mine when I say that I am entirely sympathetic to the McCanns and my points have been made in a general way, with no intention of getting at them.
I do take exception however to the attitude of some of the posters on this thread-see Mamanez' post of 10.20 for instance. It is patronising in the extreme. I for one am quite happy to leave the thread as it is going no-where!

i agree, we all do our best in doing the hardest job in the world, i hope that is something we all agree on

Ok Tiggi, I am quite sure that none of you are denying your children anything and it is quite obvious that you care for your children deeply. I am sorry you have felt persecuted, you have every right to voice your opinion.

I'm pleased to end this discussion on a peaceful note.

Rhubarb am sick and tired of people unable to read the posts correctly and then misquoting - just look at the cotdeath bit - you've got that wrapped around your head

I think everyone realised the thread was dead and had been ended on a peaceful note -well, everyone apart from you.

i'm so so sorry but when people write :
(Rhubarb on Wed 30-May-07 11:03:35 )
... I will not have my words twisted ... "
and i discover the person is doing just that i will point it out, also you didn't have to post but you did!!

there's plenty more i could have said but i haven't because if people can't see what is so so stupid not learning from heartache (on another thread people are calling for the PP to learn from this case!) then no wonder this country is falling apart. it's ok to learn from car accidents etc BUT NOT FROM PARENTS LEAVING THEIR CHILDREN ALONE AT NIGHT TO GO OUT AND ENJOY THEMSELVES WITH FRIENDS. IT'S NOT A NECESSARY OCCURANCE SO DESPITE IT BEING A REMOTE CHANCE IT HAPPENS UNNECESSARILY AND CHILDREN DON'T DESERVE TO BE FRIGHTENED.

why does this risk get muddled up with other risk ie when the parent is actually there? even after all the responses i'm still unsure

I posted to point out that the thread had been ended on a peaceful note by Rhubarb - which under the circumstances I thought was incredibly mangnanimous of her. Anyway, I have no desire to be dragged back into a dead thread. Repeating yourself, using capitals etc is not going to change the opinion of people who have differing views from yourself.......but if it makes you feel better, by all means continue to do so. Please also feel free to have the last word (I suspect that will be important to you) as I will not be posting on this thread again. Goodbye.