Helping a toddler wind down before bed?

[graysor]

Bath time / bedtime is a daily nightmare with dd (2.5).

I pick her up from nursery at 5.30 so we’re home by 5.45. She’s already had dinner so we just have an hour or so to hang out together before bedtime. I aim to have her bathed and in bed by 7.30, although very rarely achieve this!

Part of the problem is that she seems so wired that she’s running around at 100 miles an hour. And it takes an age to negotiate every single step on the way to bedtime. E.g. getting upstairs, getting undressed, getting in the bath, getting out of the bath, brushing teeth, etc etc...

Sometimes we can have a really nice quiet read together downstairs for 20 minutes. All nice and chilled out. But as soon as we come upstairs and I run the bath she’s racing around, jumping on the bed, hiding behind the curtains etc and getting herself all riled up again.

I try all the ‘how to talk so kids will listen’ approaches, to try and keep things playful but it feels like this is just stringing out the process even more? Not that it ever seems very effective on dd!

I’m feeling right at the end of my tether with this, and am worried how on earth I’ll manage when dc2 arrives in a few weeks time.

Does anyone have similar experiences? Any tips to get a quieter calmer bedtime?

Thanks!

Have you tried shutting the curtains and keeping the lights off, maybe just a lamp, so it’s darker? I know it sounds daft, but it sort of sets the scene for bedtime, especially at this time of year.

Also can you try going to the park on the way home and running her around for a while?

If she's calming down before the bath and then running wild at bath time can you change things around a bit? I wouldn't try to calm her down before bath time - let her run off some steam. Then bath and story just before bed to calm down. I'm sure I read somewhere recently that actually it's better for children to be active before bed as long as they have a short period of time to wind down before sleeping (can't remember the source though I'm afraid!)

Is she safe enough for you to ignore silly behaviour like hiding behind the curtains? I suspect it’s only funny becuase it gets your attention. Sit quietly on her bed, read your own book and ignore her. Give her lots of praise when she does get into bed.

As soon as we go upstairs I shut all the curtains so it’s dark. (Except in the bathroom).

I do always try and let her run off steam in the evening before bath time. We’re often out scooting or in the garden. But I try and bring her in to wind down at about 6.30. Bath is the last thing we do before stories and bed. The hardest part is definitely getting her undressed and into the bath.

I should try and ignore the silliness. But I’m not very good at ignoring the constant shout of mummy come here, mummy look at me, mummy hide, mummy pretend to go to sleep in bed etc etc.

Sigh

I haven’t got any advice but my 2 year old is also a blooming nightmare for winding down after a day at nursery. You are not alone!!
He seems to need to play with every single one of his toys before he’ll calm down.

Mine too! As soon as he's undressed for the bath he runs around naked like a loon I found playing the same music helped - I invested in one of those Ewan the dream sheep things, and I found it really helps, he associates that music with bedtime and it seems to signal that it's time to calm down. Not always though and last night I was downstairs for an hour ignoring him before he calmed down

Glad to hear I’m not alone!

I suppose playing some calming music could be worth a try...

I’ve thought about this a bit more and there are actually two things I do to try and help him.

We have a very rigid bedtime routine which always starts with a short tv program. He chooses what he wants to watch and he knows that after that it’s bath and bed. That’s the signal for him to calm down and it seems to help.

After bath get gets into his pyjamas and if he’s still going we play with his cars. They’re the only thing in his room to play with- they keep him focussed and calm after bath until it’s story time and bed time. So maybe once you’ve started bedtime try and limit what he has access to? And keep the toys he does have access to quiet and calm.

Doesn't have to be calming music, just music that's associated with getting ready for bed, the same thing every night. We found for a while that ZZ Top worked

I know lots of people swear by in the night garden to kick off bedtime. But I’m loathe to introduce tv in the evening. I’m sure it would just cause more grief turning it off than it would solve.

We do have a rigid routine for bed and bath. Cup of milk and a story downstairs. Upstairs for bath, teeth, story then bed. Dd has minimal toys upstairs so she doesn’t have a chance to get engrossed in anything else. But maybe that’s counter productive, and why we end up with her messing around, jumping on the bed etc.

You know, you don't have to bath her every night? Once or twice a week is fine. Many parents use a bath time as a pre-bedtime wind down and so have one daily. But if it's not acting as a wind down for you, my suggestion would be to skip it completely.

Then nail a short, no-wriggle-room bedtime routine. Using your existing routine I would suggest:

• milk drank during book read, with understanding that it is time to go upstairs as soon as book is finished, even if milk isn't finished.
• into bathroom: clothes off, toilet (if trained?), face/hands washed, teeth brushed.
• into bedroom: nightwear on, story only happens if sat still and quiet, bed. No getting out of bed once it's bedtime.

I'd have a daytime bath at the weekend. Then if needed add a mid-week bath ideally in the daytime/morning too but if that's not possible then do bath at 6pm before bedtime routine starts.

What time does she get up in the morning? I think they broadly do 12 hours awake (plus lunch nap) and 12 hours asleep. So, unless she sleeps in until 7:30, maybe try pulling the bath and bed time a bit earlier, see if that helps?

Mine is a similar age and wakes about 6/6:30 - but we have to get up then for work so the earlier bedtime works for her and us.

I think there is a school of thought about their melatonin levels rising and you not wanting to disrupt that by having them up too late. Obviously 7:30 isn't actually that late but if she's had a full-on day, you could try pulling her bed time a bit earlier and see if that helps reset things. Then push it back again?

Also what kind of stories does she have? I stayed with a friend once...they read theirs a story with different voices and "can you see where X is?", their DD got all excited again and wouldn't sleep. We don't do a story at that time though but downstairs.

Fate- you’re right about not needing a bath every night. She goes through phases of absolute bath refusal (for entirely unfathomable reasons) and we just don’t bother them as it’s not worth the battle. But when she is willing I do like to try and take the opportunity! Also she is usually pretty sweaty and sticky and grubby after a day at nursery.

I like the sound of your stripped back bedtime routine, which is pretty much what we do on non bath days. But I have exactly the same issues getting her into the bathroom to get teeth hands and face washed as I do getting her into the bath!

Bear - she sleeps till about 6/6.30 in the morning. Which works ok for us getting to work etc. Getting her into bed any earlier seems almost impossible. But that’s partly because the whole flipping bedroom rigmarole takes so long. It feels like I’d have to start trying to cajole her up to bed pretty much as soon as we get in, without any time for us to spend together.

That is tricky. Can nursery cut her lunch nap a bit shorter, maybe? (Ours naps now about 5 days out of 7...if we are lucky) If it's too long, that'll be problematic for bedtime, I would have thought. She's at that age where she will be tending towards dropping it? Ours is a bit younger than yours (2years 2months) and max will sleep 2 hours at lunch.

I made a mental note about "the rabbit who wants to fall asleep" after reading about its magic (!) on mumsnet. It's some kind of story with an audio option. Apparently works wonders. Might be worth a look?

I would get her in from the garden at 6.30 and do bath then. Clean teeth in bath (just before she gets out, establishes a routine and it’s a million times easier than when they are running around uncontained.

Once out the bath it’s quick dry and into PJs and then bed for lovely relaxing wind down with a story time.

Make that the last thing you do not the first. I have a hunch it will work because she obviously likes her story time (currently calming down for it).

Bear - she doesn’t nap any more. We had to specifically ask nursery to stop as bedtime was even worse, with her not going down till after 9 but still waking at 6.

Apple - I’ve not tried tooth brushing in the bath. I’ll give it a bash tomorrow, but given the wrestling match it usually is, it feels a bit of a high risk strategy!

Coming straight in from the garden and into the bath sounds great. But still leaves me with the problem of cajoling her upstairs, and getting her undressed and focused on the task in hand rather than her tearing around upstairs, jumping on the bed and hiding under the duvet etc! All of which means it takes maybe half an hour of negotiations to get into the bath.

Is my toddler particularly defiant? Do yours all willingingly toddler up the stairs when you say bath time, and then voluntarily stay with you in the bathroom to get undressed while you run the bath? That is completely unheard of here!

Why is it taking half an hour of negotiation to get her into the bath? Surely when it’s bath time she either comes up willing or you just carry her and put her in?

Bed time in my house is not negotiable. Bath first, although some days we don’t bother if I know DS isn’t in the mood for one and will be particularly uncooperative. Then milk, story, bed. If he then doesn’t want to sleep he lies in his cot for as long as it takes him to fall asleep.

I did 14 Months of him not sleeping and being up and down with him all night. In the end tough love prevailed and he sleeps like a dream now.

My DS is 2.3 and this evening was carried screaming upstairs, wrestled out of his clothes, put in bath where he proceeded to splash as violently as possible until he was hauled out again. Had a hysterical tantrum. Brief pause while he caught his breath and brushed his teeth. Story, cuddles and then 45mins of farting around before he succumbed to sleep. He will not go down before 8pm. He will be up between 4.45 and 5.15am. On nursery days he naps around an hour. Two hours on home days. He’s not always as bad as he was tonight, normally we can jolly him through it without full scale tears, but it always takes about 90mins start to finish and if we start earlier it just takes longer. You are not alone!!

Narnas- I wish! Sometimes she comes willingly. If not, forcing her is practically impossible. If I pick her up and carry her she thrashes like an angry octopus. I could get her upstairs but if I try and put her in the bath like that she will scream hysterically and climb out. I can’t physically hold her in the bath.

More - I feel your pain!! Although luckily dd has recently started reliably sleeping better thank goodness.
I totally have the same, the earlier we start the longer it tales! And the only vaguely acceptable way is to do our best to jolly along. As a massive tantrum is definitely not helpful in speeding up the wind down to sleep!

It’s always good to know you’re not alone! Would a shower be an option? My DS is always sweaty, sticky and often sandy added nursery but in this hot weather we’ve been having him jump in the shower with us some nights. It’s quicker, he likes the novelty and it’s sort of two-birds-one-stone!

My 2 year old is a nightmare going to sleep. Bedtime routine is fine except for sometimes deciding the bath is evil is which case we have no bath that night. We do bath, pj and nappy, stories, last toilet trip and lights out and then the fun begins. Teething brushing is easier for me than DH as I get in the bath with her.

Unfortunately DD’s sleep association is one of her parents falling asleep.

My 2.5 year old son is just the same. He runs around and plays up then gets himself over tired and we all end up angry. Bed time is getting later and later and I have no idea what to do to change it! It’s not just you!

Coming straight in from the garden and into the bath sounds great. But still leaves me with the problem of cajoling her upstairs, and getting her undressed and focused on the task in hand rather than her tearing around upstairs, jumping on the bed and hiding under the duvet etc! All of which means it takes maybe half an hour of negotiations to get into the bath.

We make it a race- he loves to win! First one up the stairs/first one naked etc... DH gave it total comedy commitment the first few times and naked daddy make him laugh! Now not needed. I do often help- particularly if he’s tired.

If all else fails I threaten that if we ‘run out’ of time for a bath he’ll have to have a shower instead (he much prefers baths).

If he’s super quick there’s time for a ‘long play’ which involves me joining in playing pirates with the bath toys...

To be fair it’s probably going to worse at the moment - in 32 and I don’t want to go to bed - it’s hot, sticky and even if I’m falling asleep on my commute, in the eve I’m wide awake, especially when it begins to cool down!