Helping a toddler wind down before bed?

[graysor]

Bath time / bedtime is a daily nightmare with dd (2.5).

I pick her up from nursery at 5.30 so we’re home by 5.45. She’s already had dinner so we just have an hour or so to hang out together before bedtime. I aim to have her bathed and in bed by 7.30, although very rarely achieve this!

Part of the problem is that she seems so wired that she’s running around at 100 miles an hour. And it takes an age to negotiate every single step on the way to bedtime. E.g. getting upstairs, getting undressed, getting in the bath, getting out of the bath, brushing teeth, etc etc...

Sometimes we can have a really nice quiet read together downstairs for 20 minutes. All nice and chilled out. But as soon as we come upstairs and I run the bath she’s racing around, jumping on the bed, hiding behind the curtains etc and getting herself all riled up again.

I try all the ‘how to talk so kids will listen’ approaches, to try and keep things playful but it feels like this is just stringing out the process even more? Not that it ever seems very effective on dd!

I’m feeling right at the end of my tether with this, and am worried how on earth I’ll manage when dc2 arrives in a few weeks time.

Does anyone have similar experiences? Any tips to get a quieter calmer bedtime?

Thanks!

Natural consequences for not having a nice bath - a shower as you have to be clean
Natural consequences for not putting pjs on - sleep naked (if she enjoys it then maybe re think of pjs are necessary at all)
Natural consequences for not cleaning your teeth like a big girl - Mummy has to do ot like a baby
Natural consequences for taking too long to get into bed - no story as we have run out of time

Maybe find a big clock and tape on it where the hands will be when she has to be in bed. If she makes it in time, she gets 2 stories, if not then none (or whatever). Then if she plays up, you dont have to debate with her, just point at the clock and say “time is running out”. But you HAVE to follow thrpugh on the consequence every time or she will play you like a violin.

The thing about your own children is that because they are about 50% of your DNA they really inately know how to manipulate you and push your buttons, so you have to use your years of experience and knowledge to stay one step ahead

Have been thinking this over a bit more while up feeding DS2 overnight!
DS1 likes the independence of having his turn brushing his teeth, so when he's gone through difficult phases a consequence has been that he won't get his turn next time, and next time he has to be good to earn his turn back for the next time after, this worked when he went through a short phase of dropping his toothbrush on the floor instead of handing it over. I remember when he was about 2.5 he once dropped his toothbrush down the toilet (my fault for us sitting too near the toilet to brush his teeth so he only had to reach his hand out fast and drop it before I could stop him!), I told him he couldn't have a turn for a whole week after that, and he was actually extra good for a whole week to earn his turn back!
If your DD likes to be independent and isn't into playing in the bath could you get her a sponge or flannel in her favourite colour or with a favourite character on for her to wash herself, and have a boring coloured one for you to use to wash her and try saying something like 'if you're quick getting ready for the bath there's time for you to wash yourself, but if we run out of time then mummy will have to do it for you, I'll count to 3 and if you're not here to get undressed by 3 then we won't have enough time for you to wash yourself with your flannel or sponge 1..2..3'

Sorry you’ve lost me at reading to him until he falls asleep I simply don’t have that sort of patience!

Apple - it doesn’t usually take that long for her to fall asleep once actually in bed lying down. So she’s usually gone halfway through story 3 or 4 (and they’re not very long, eg gruffalo or similar). And for us it certainly tests my patience less than hysterical screaming for one more book for 30 mins plus.
It’s obviously not ideal, but it’s not a battle I have the energy to fight just now.

We have always had books in the bedroom for the children to choose, a bookcase helps. Read a few stories then told the little darlings to help themselves. Have found the bed covered in books before now. Aldi did this bookcase but Argos do it too.

www.argos.co.uk/product/7190023?cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157|acid:480-316-7430|cid:199887753|agid:17470457553|tid:aud-262917862928:pla-91624176033|crid:74692316673|nw:g|rnd:14814952591516657287|dvc:c|adp:1o2|mt:|loc:9061004&gclid=CjwKCAjw7IbaBRBqEiwA6AyZgjHAnTnbt3ahrelxvtE8FRL1mLaYuIHIS4C2ye7nEK5VYMUltqfTQRoCHgsQAvD_BwE

Can I just add that two drops of food colouring in the bath is a GENIUS way to coax a small, unwilling child into a bath. No, it doesn't leave colour on their skin. They get to choose what colour they have ;)

Kiwiinkits that is genius! If DS2 doesn't like baths I will defo use that, baths aren't part of our bedtime routine because DS1 loves them so much he spends forever in there!

We’ve a bedtime battle lately with our 4 year old.

Older age obviously. But pretty similar behaviour.

We just kept interactions brief and boring and bedtime. Stick with the script no matter how hyper they are, and after story time we just sit outside his room. Every time he emerges we just say “back to bed” and physically lift him back to bed. Ignore any other attempts at interaction from kiddo.

With this approach we managed to move an out-of-control bedtime (seriously, it had dragged on from 8 to half 10 on some nights) to anlid who’s normally fast asleep by half 8.

If she's been at nursery all day and hyped up maybe she's missed you and some one to one attention. Maybe that's why she plays up at the end of the day. Perhaps pick her up from nursery and ask her what she would like to do with you e.g. read books, play a game etc. Give her some time before you then introduce bedtime routine. Ours watches in the night garden with her teddy, followed by a bath (every other night) where we splash around and play with toys followed by story in bed and bottle then sleep. She's still young but it works, she knows her routine. I agree keep the room dark and a dim light and keep things calm after your time together. Also if you're showing signs of being fed up or stressed she's likely to pick up and play on it. Try to remain calm but authoritative and give her some time

If she's really naughty try a naught mat which she can sit on as a mat can travel with you.

Tinkerbelle- that’s why I don’t want to bring the bedtime routine any earlier. We only have 45 mins to an hour when we get home. I always make sure I’m properly present in that time and don’t try and do chores or prep dinner or anything. I just spend time with dd doing what she chooses. Whether it’s playing in the garden, scooting, playing duplo or just having a drink and reading together. She’s usually really good and quite chilled out during this time. It’s just when we have to go upstairs that the trouble starts!

So I’ve been taking on board lots of the suggestions you’ve all helpfully offered.

I’ve basically abandoned the playful approach and am going with a much more no nonsense approach to the mucking about. I’m spending a lot of time counting to 3 and then having to pick dd up and physically enforce whatever I just asked.

This has definitely reduced the silliness (hurrah!).

But I’m still getting a LOT of resistance, especially to getting in the bath. Wrestling an angry octopus isn’t much fun. Hopefully if I stick with it she’ll get less resistant?

I offer her the choice of walking upstairs/ into the bathroom / wherever by herself otherwise I’ll have to carry her like a baby. Every single time she has to be carried.
Same when I ask her to take her tshirt off etc (she’s more than capable of doing this by herself). Not once has she indicated a desire to be an independent grown up girl and do any of these things herself. This is getting very tiring for me. Especially when she starts kicking off. And I’m a bit concerned it’s a bit of a backward step. She is more than capable of doing things herself and I’m worried she’ll get lazy if I keep just doing it all for her.

But at least in the short term bath time and bedtime has been a bit calmer and less stressful for me. So, thanks!

Sounds promising Op. now you’ve got a new approach stick with it- it takes at least a week for a new routine to stick (if not 2 or 3) so don’t get disheartened if things aren’t going totally to plan yet.

Once you’ve fully broken the habit of the hyper half hour you can work on encouraging the behaviours you do want (independence).

I'm glad to hear things have at least speeded up, it must be good to have the extra time for yourself in the evening :) I would keep going if I was you - she's probably used to things having been done differently for a long time so it might take some time for her to accept that it's definitely changed and to adapt to it - I'd give it 2 weeks and reassess and if anything's still not working maybe tweak things then. You could try giving praise and positive attention when she does things for herself maybe to encourage it. She might go through a phase of wanting to be babied a bit anyway when your baby arrives, but I'm sure it won't last forever. Good luck! I hope things are all going smoother before your baby arrives

Well done! Any progress is progress
I agree the wanting to be babied may well be linked to your pregnancy. Hang in there!

let me know when you try the food colouring in the bath trick. I promise it will work.