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Is six children too many ?

594 replies

mozhe · 21/05/2007 17:09

Someone,( a colleague..but I do not know them well ), just stopped me in the corridor at work...noticing I was pregnant they asked me if it was my first, when I told them ,' no, it's my 6th '...they said,' six is too many ', and strod off....Is six too many ?

OP posts:
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Judy1234 · 29/05/2007 17:08

I just have visions of mumsnetters lying in bed for 6 weeks with fleets of servants looking after their other children and cleaning their houses whilst in the real world a lot of are tidying the kitchen a few days after birth, cleaning the house and getting back to work or minding toddlers.

LoveAngel · 29/05/2007 17:11

Um...YOU and your mate are the ones who employ fleets of staff to look after your hordes of kids, no? Most of us don't live in a bad Barbara taylor Bradofrd novel, love.

  • God, this woman is like the seocnd rate version of Maggie 'sleep is for the weak' Thatcher * *
LoveAngel · 29/05/2007 17:12

Barbara Taylor Bradford

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Rantmum · 29/05/2007 17:30

I have not worked since ds was born and I do all the work at home - cooking from scratch, cleaning, laundry, ironing, childcare, I mow the lawn, deal with all the household bills and accounts, house renovation planning, I am responsible for all our banking, I do the nappy changing, did bf etc. And that is without ANY HIRED HELP AT ALL - no nanny, no cleaner, no gardener, no cook, no accountant, no architect, no maternity nurse !!!

I hate a lot of it - for instance, I really find laundry boring and it does not provide any mental stimulation for me - it is a repetitive thankless task.

I want to return to work outside the home eventually, because I miss it and I would be lying if I said otherwise.

BUT (and I think this a really big one) I am so glad that I have been with my ds during this formative period in his life - I am so fortunate to have been with him every day and to see all the little developments as they happen. And I have found it very interesting to watch it firsthand - alot of very intelligent men and women have spent careers studying early childhood development and I have been fortunate to watch it unfold and to interact with it every single day. I doubt that I will lie on my deathbed and think, "If only I had spent less time with my ds and more time with my employers - it would have been a happier life."

I am a very lucky person. I know that I am a talented woman, who can cope with the boredom and the joys of working outside the home AND with the boredom and joys of being at home full-time with small children. I HATE to blow my own trumpet (can you tell?), but I think that I am unbelievably capable woman - who knows her own mind and makes choices and sacrifices accordingly.

I am going to have lots more children because I think the world needs more folk like me .

Otter · 29/05/2007 17:40

Good for you Rantmum... i am so pleased for you. I too am very happy with my choice - and VERY lucky to have that choice i know that.
When ds1 was born i lived in a 1 bed housing association flat in Toxteh which i was given for being a single mum and dp worked part time! When the hv came out to me at 10 day check she asked me 'I hope you dont mind me asking -but why do you live here?'
I quote the old adage about death bed scenario...how many folk say they wish they had spent more time at work and less with their newborn?

Eleusis · 29/05/2007 17:46

Exactly Rantmum. Doesn't sound like you spent six weeks in bed, now does it? You must have been back at work very soon.

LoveAngel · 29/05/2007 17:54

Nobody said 6 weeks in bed is desirable or normal - just that rushing back to work 2 weeks after birth isn't generally what most women want to do. Wishes people would read posts properly

Otter · 29/05/2007 17:55

agrees with love angel

Eleusis · 29/05/2007 17:57

Oh, I agree that going back to the office at 2 weeks isn't appealing. I thought Xenia was just saying in the real world people don't get to lie around and take it easy. They have to do laundry, cook dinner, look after the new born and the other kids, and all the other things one had to do before the new baby showed up. It's all work.

I did go back to office work 2 weeks after my first child, but it wasn't becaue I wanted to. It was out of financial necessity. I would have much rather stayed home for a few months.

mozhe · 29/05/2007 18:05

Doodle..that is not true..I am genuinely interested in the subject of family size. Why are you so dismissive ? LoveAngel et al..the thing that comes across most strongly in your posts is your self righteous anger...whereas Xenia's posts though sometimes a bit tongue in cheek,( and quite funny sometimes...),don't contain that level of hatred/venom...I imagine you red with anger and frustration because people won't agree with you...is this you or is it ?

OP posts:
CalebandDylansmummy · 29/05/2007 18:06

6 is too many if you can't cope with 6...ie my parents. We were incredibly well behaved children but even so there were too many of us for my parents to spend any quality time with us. I, as the eldest girl was pretty much my siblings 2nd mother and I DID resent it. It wasn't fair on me!!

I would never have 6. It is a very different matter if you can afford nannies, but then I have to ask you why on earth would you want so many children if you just leave them to be cared for by someone else?

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 29/05/2007 18:09

mozhe you're always calling people angry

Just something I've observed.

Judy1234 · 29/05/2007 18:12

There's no point in being too serious about anything.

There is a fundamental difference between some peoole who think if you are a woman why have children if you go back to work (but not presumably a man) which obviously working parents mostly don't agree with because we are there for our children on a daily basis but we just don't always choose to be there 24/7.

On fitness after birth clearly depends on the work. Some jobs the law says you can't go back at 2 weeks, it's 4 weeks - I think that's factory work, if you're an employee.

Eleusis · 29/05/2007 18:12

So, calebanddylan, you shouldn't have children if you are going to leave them with a nanny?

Get out of your cocoon and step into the real world where people work for a living.

MrsJetson · 29/05/2007 18:15

So what's the conculsion then?????

MrsJetson · 29/05/2007 18:21

....conclusion

Just read one of mozhe's posts re breastfeeding "one of the girls didn't feed this morning blah blah" - I'm guessing twins? How old are the others?

I must admit, sorry to be so rude of course, but the profile sounds rather 'up her own arse' - don't you think????

I am fluent in French, I have a Nanny, a gardener and a cleaner - oh and I DON'T work - but I sure as hell won't be boasting about it on my profile!!!!! Oh and we have a second home in France and I lived there for 5 years - so there...

mozhe · 29/05/2007 18:22

THAT sort of anger seems very destructive to me....it is so red hot,it might be quite an issue to LoveAngel....( can't help wondering about that name ...)

OP posts:
CalebandDylansmummy · 29/05/2007 18:24

Ok, maybe I didn't put my point across correctly. Of course it isn't wrong to leave your children with a nanny, I just don't understand why, if you love having so many children, you don't actually spend any time with them! Just the way I feel, nothing personal towards anyone.

Also, please don't assume you know anything about what I do.
'Get out of your cocoon and step into the real world where people work for a living.' Odd comment to make to someone you know nothing about.

Judy1234 · 29/05/2007 18:26

I think you do spend time with them even if you work. It's still a lot of hours.

MrsJetson · 29/05/2007 18:26

Is that a professional view? mmmm destructive anger, interesting terminolgy!

Interested in my name? It's on Boomerang at 5.45pm!

LoveAngel · 29/05/2007 18:34
  • Yawns at passive aggressive massive in the houuuuuuse *

Mozhe, are you the psychiatrist? (Or is that Xenia?) All this 'are you angry, LoveAngel?' bullshit is a bit 'pop psychology' isn't it? I'd expect more if I was paying you, to be frank, but maybe this is the level of advice you reserve for us paupers..

To address your points:

I am not an angry person per se, but yes, your ridiculous ideas on most things do make me swing wildly from laughing out loud to wanting to shout at my screen 'You WEIRDO!!!'. (I am a passionate person. So shoot me. )

Far more pertinent - and I would have expected you to clock this many moons ago - is the deep, repressed anger towards other women (along with the barely contained anger at most men) that comes through in Xenia's posts. To me, this is glaringly obvious and far more distubring than my sweary rants (its the working class wench in me, donm't you know?)

Perhaps you would also care to cast that shrink's eye on your own posts come and how they come across - patronising, smug, old fashioned are words I would offer if you need help getting started?

p.s. If Xenia has ever said anything remotely funny, I musty have missed it. (all my 'pmsl's are strictly snidey, sarky ones, in case you hadn't guessed).

Now....anyone for a glass of South African red? Its absolutely delicious...

ScottishThistle · 29/05/2007 18:43

Step away LoveAngel, not worth it!

MrsJetson · 29/05/2007 18:51

Love - can I have a large one please!!! Apparently it's good for the baby!!!!

Judy1234 · 29/05/2007 19:48

I am quite funny actually.

I don't particularly feel anger very often, but I'm sure I have as many problems and defects as anyone else.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 29/05/2007 19:58

I find Xenia quite funny sometimes

You have to be in the mood thought

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