Is six children too many ?

[mozhe]

Someone,( a colleague..but I do not know them well ), just stopped me in the corridor at work...noticing I was pregnant they asked me if it was my first, when I told them ,' no, it's my 6th '...they said,' six is too many ', and strod off....Is six too many ?

hat, my brother took longer as he stored up a lot of holiday for when the babies came.

'I often think on mumsnet there is this 'ideal' scenario, which quite frankly is never even a choice for the majority of the country '

Here, here! Too right!

ScottishThistle - that would be nice, but unfortunately I know otherwise - since I am a SAHM and have the opportunity to observe children in parks here every days of the week. Children with nannies here are generally appallingly badly behaved at the playground - the nannnies are far too busy talking to one another, texting their boyfriends etc to control the children.

Well if you've had a caesarean going back after 2 weeks is out of the question

Your understanding of human psychology is woeful Xenia. I'm not getting into this again.

Note to self - Never argue with an idiot, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

It's not the case here in the UK Anna8888, children are on the whole better behaved when with their Nanny...Au-Pairs are a different story altogether!

LOL MT

ScottishThistle - yes, my opinion of nannies in the UK is generally quite a lot higher than of nannies elsewhere that I have seen. They cost a lot more, too.

I agree that when both parents work full-time they seem to be more lenient with the children - whether from guilt or exhaustion or a combination of the two. Bringing up children requires lots of energy and self-discipline IMO, both of which are probably hard to find at the end of a long week.

I agree Anna8888, it's much more difficult to stick to your guns when you've had a stressful day at the office & spent an hour on the tube!

I also understand why a Parent would be more leniant when they only have 2 full days with their child.

I have to laugh at Xenia getting on her high horse about being criticised by 'other women'. You spend about 23 hours of every day on netmums gunning for women who don't do as you do, don't you? Not exactly the most reflective person in the world, are you?

I think children tend to behave better with their nanny in the UK anyway alhough mine have never been particular bad and an hour ago she couldn't get them to dress and they were refusing to go out for hair cuts, really messing her around so I had to go up and make them. But that's slightly different as she's part time and they're nearly 9 and were just being silly.

re one greedy child = 10 environmentally friendly children.

sure, a typical american consumes more than a dozen typical africans

that's either end of the bell curve then...but of course if you have one child that child will probably have it's own family...how many on average..1 or 2..but if you have 6 children or for instance 14 and they have families that increases the population exponentially.

factor in fertility treatments and less infant mortality and you have a population explosion...mainly in parts of the world where consumption of resources is high..of course it's simplistic..but then so is your comment.

Oh yes human beings are awful

ooh good arguement
that's floored me

Xenia, we are not men. Womens bodies and minds need time to recover from a birth in a way that a mans doesnt. In many countries around the world a woman is not supposed to lift a finger to the housework until 40 days after the birth. You cant compare women with men if you are talking about feminism. You are talking about "equality" and we arent equal in the sense that we are exactly the same. Women need liberation, not equality. Liberation means that a women receives sufficient nurturing and TLC after giving birth to a child thereby liberating her from the demands of daily life for a while. In countries that practice nurturing of the new mother, there is hardly any PND. Is womens mental and physical health the price to pay for "true" equality? If so, then I`m not interested in that kind of equality.

Sakura - yes, PND largely results from society ignoring women's true needs after childbirth.

My HV and I had a good long discussion about this

I've obviously got a man's body then. Plenty of women look after toddlers and clean the house from 2 weeks after birth in the real world. Many women on the planet are back in the fields and in fact we now realise turfing women out of bed to get on with walking around does them a lot more good in getting back to normal than laying as if ill for 4 weeks prone on the bed. You could almost say for the good of their health they should be encouraged back to work sooner. Obviously some can't drive for 6 weeks and have C sections and that's different.

doyouwantfrieswiththat,
I dont think my comment is really as simplistic as you say it is. I understand that children go on to reproduce, which is why I made the comment about the camping. A family with 6 kids on a camping holiday for 10 years (and lets be honest, thats really only the kind of holiday that would be fun with 6 kids) would be better for the environment than a single child going abroad once a year. We could go round in circles with this, but Im just saying that I dont think that is a valid argument against having kids. If you <span class="italic">really</span> care about the environment, then not having kids is not really a practical answer. Not buying cosmetics, clothes, flights, not having a car or two, having a small flat instead of a house, recycling etc etc would convince me that you care about the environment, but <span class="italic">not</span> having kids doesnT really convince me of that.

Xenia - how peculiar that you should think that.

Why then did my midwives and HV all insist on resting for six weeks (not bed rest, but taking things very gently), with lots of explanation that you ran much greater risks with your health further down the line if you didn't take life gently for the first six weeks? Why does the NHS send midwives/HVs/doctors round to the house up until the six week check unless you are supposed to be resting? Perhaps it is just recklessly throwing the tax payer's money around for no good reason...

Actually, I think that the "women back in the fields" is really just an anecdote that is thrown around in Western countries. I live in Asia now, and many Asian countries including China, have a culture of pampering the mother. It doesnt matter how poor the family is, the mother is kept in a cocoon with her newborn and given time to get to know her child, while her network of women do everything else. In Japan, a woman is traditionally not supposed to touch hot water for 40 days (the implication being that hot water= domestic work). In China, a woman is not supposed to leave the house for the first month. I scoffed at these traditions until I had my baby, and then it all fell into place. THese rules arenT there to oppress the woman, they`re there because traditionally it was understood what an amazing thing she had just achieved, and that she should be treated like the queen that she is for a few weeks.

My hair dresser is Sri Lankan. When my son was 3 weeks old I popped in to the salon with him in his pram to book a hair appointment. She was horrified I had even left the house at this stage! When she had her son (in Sri Lanka) she told me that the common practice was for your mother and MIL to come to your home and look after you for 40 days. You basically rested all that time, while your mum & MIL did all your housework, cooking etc and brought your baby to you in the middle of the night for feeding etc (a lot like your maternity nurses, eh, mozhe?). I was struck by how much more civilised that attitude to childbirth and new motherhood is than this 'back to work as soon as possible' thing we've got going on in the UK. No wonder so many women have 'postnatal depression'.

Again, I would urge you to have some understanding and empathy for other women, Xenia. Most women (yes, MOST) do find childbirth and the early days of mothering (especially with their first child) quite draining. MOST women do NOT want to go back to work 2 weeks after giving birth. Please - accept the reality rather than constantly pouring scorn on your 'sisters'.

LOL @ xenia's comment about having a man's body. Do you really think a man would recover from childbirth more quickly than a woman?

Exactly like Japan, loveangel. The women here all go home to their mothers to have their baby. THe medial system is set up so they can receive pre-natal care from their local hospital, then at around 7 months they travel home to their mums and continue their pre-natal care there. The new mother stays with her mother until one month after the birth, and the husband visits them when he can.
(Okay in my case, I didnt go home to my mothers and my DH was at the birth. Afterwards I just had my EMIL, but I didnt know she was Evil at the time. Next time I KNOW I`ll be better off on my own than with her "help", but thats for another thread )