Is six children too many ?

[mozhe]

Someone,( a colleague..but I do not know them well ), just stopped me in the corridor at work...noticing I was pregnant they asked me if it was my first, when I told them ,' no, it's my 6th '...they said,' six is too many ', and strod off....Is six too many ?

anniemac...those were some very good points,I'll give them some thought...

LoveAngel...I wasn't asking If I personally should have 6...I genuinely wanted to know what people thought in relation to the matter of family size in general.Or,( if they wanted to share it, and let's face it most people on MN do !),their own personal stories.

am, I'm not particularly happy paying so much tax and NI at 41% to support people who can't support their own children for extended periods.

Cackles knowingly

...I was wondering how long it would be before Xenia got around to bashing benefit claimants. So predictable.

I predict a big future for you at Channel 5 ('The Xenia Kyle Show' - first episode 'SAHMs: Get a job, Geta life, Get off your arses you lazy bitches!').

you think that would be good.....

fabulous Xenia you have done yourslef proud

do you know I dont think in my 17 years of peudo marriage dp or I have EVER moaned about our huge tax bill 'subbing' the less fortunate

I feel quite righteous and so I should

You Xenia should be ashamed
Lets hope one of your brood never needs time off work for any long period eh!

wow such venom again please read what I said again - the benefit state has its advantages - however why so much anger at mozhe who has 6 kids but can clearly support them but someone else can have 6 kids and I have to support them - TBH I would have loved 3 kids but no way can I afford it working PT and spending time at home (which is what I choose to do I love my job and my DD and am happy doing both)....if yu can't support your kids then don't have anymore ??? Not rocket science and not horrible at all if people genuinely can't work then fine but why have loads of kids I really just don't get it - surely having kids is not a right??

Agree.

But........................oh forget it

yes Cammelia preserve your breath - it would only be wasted x

Grrrr the benefit state is there to support those who cannot work not those who feel it is their right to have as many kids as they want stay at home with them whilst someone else supports them (it is not the anonymous state it is the hard working working class who get taxed just enough to keep them above the poverty line but just too much for them to enjoy all their hard work) NOT fair IMO!

Diva, thanks but don't want to report anyone, feels like telling tales. We're all grown ups after all.

Macdoodle, I think you make a very valid point. People seem so critical of woman that don't go the whole hog with child rearing yet if there is one thing having children has taught me it's not to judge anothers decisions.

I think there is a difference between being bone bloody idol and not being able to work or on a low income and I too resent paying for the former when I have to work to support my family. And yes, come from a low income working class family that have been supported by benefits at times of need in the past I feel I can say this so don't start wielding your middle class doo gooding battons at me.

Not the dreaded benefit state debate again. Bore off.

Historically we have had many more people out of work than now. We're not in a particularly bad phase for that at the moment.

Some posters presumably think it would be better a mother of 6 is at home on benefits than working to support them but emotionally damaging them through being separated from them during the working day?

..in fact actually in the UK it's really only the very poor and fairly rich who can afford and often have large families.

I think that depends what we mean by 'afford', tbh. BIL and SIL don't think they can afford more than two, and they earn shedloads more than my dh does.

It's all relative, methinks, and largely based on what you consider neccessities. I imagine we'll all have a very different view of what those are.

'..in fact actually in the UK it's really only the very poor and fairly rich who can afford and often have large families.'

i think that is very true!i had more money when i was a single mum on benefits than when with a partner who worked but on minimum wage.

macdoodle-i agree with you about those who cant be a*d to work reproducing.its just having been in s*t situations in the past through no fault of my own,i hate being tarred with the same brush as those who are quite happy to be on benefits forever.i know alot of people like that,like an old friend of mine who only ever wanted to be a SAHM,but when she split with her h she went on benefits and still is,even though both her children are at senior school.she doesnt intend to ever get a job

personally,i couldnt imagine staying at home once my children are all at school or even nursery,i would go loopy.my mum was on her own(as my dad died)and she got a job as soon as i started school,so i was brought up with the attitude that you should earn your keep.

what i dont understand,though,is mothers who choose to return to work when their babies are still tiny(im not talking about the mums who have to return to work for financial reasons).whats the point in having a baby then letting somebody else look after it?

I have been reading this post and some of the comments made me laugh.What i wanted to know is how do any of us know who is telling the truth ? I mean i could say i have 9 children,and a nanny and a fabulous job and none of you would be any the wiser.So when certain ones of you defend someone saying well she works hard or she is lovely,do you really know each other as real people if you see what i mean all very confusing.It seems some brag that they have everything,but do they ? I always seem to find the ones who brag usually are the ones who have had nothing or are use to nothing.

I try to post the truth, but I have nothing to show off about and I never would. Whatever your income, number of children or career you have pretty much the same life issues, problems etc as anyone else.

I think some mothers wonder below how some mothers can leave a baby by choice (but they don't ask that of fathers which is puzzling). Many stay at home mothers have live in full time maternity nurses for the first few weeks. I know two at the moment. They find that really helpful and I wouldnt' say they are worse mothers for having that help. Others share care with husbands and grannies. I'm afraid some mothers and fathers do prefer and need that break and I was one of them. We fathers and mothers of that kind love our children very much but don't need or want to be with them 24 hours a day. That's all . I can see some mothers find that hard to understand.

Loving all these day postings! Don't you lot have anything better to do? Parenting?? Working???

Hoho!

Yes, it just shows whether at work or at home with chidlren we will always give first priority to mumsnet over children's, employers' and partners' needs......

i believe everybody has the right to coffee/tea breaks

I think its amazing that any child can be welcomed into the world in the UK, because of our benefits system for single mothers and unemployed parents. Abortion is the only option for women in so many countries. I think its a sign of an evolved society where every woman is given a real choice about whether to keep her baby or not, knowing that she wont be condemned to poverty or prostitution if she decides to keep it. Of course you are always going to get people who abuse the system, like waster-types who dont go out and get a job ,and women who keep having children even though they are relying on benefits But the alternative is too horrible to contemplate. Thank God the system is in place.

"We fathers and mothers of that kind love our children very much but don't need or want to be with them 24 hours a day. That's all . I can see some mothers find that hard to understand."

Xenia, I would have thought that with a baby it's NOT about your needs. theirs must always come first and it is my opnion that THEY NEED their mothers and if their mothers can be there, i.e they don't have to work, then they should be there with their babies.

No, that's where we disagree. They need loving adults who don't chop and change but not that one person the mother on a 24/7 basis. It's views like yours that make it hard for some mothers to return after maternity because they believe that stuff. Babies' needs are properly met by someone who isn't their genetic mother, who might even be their father or granny. Anyway we obviously don't agree.

Sakura, I'm certainly not against much of our current system. When I was born in 1961 many women had to give up their babies for adoption, the shame of a child out of wed lock was so great. I'm not saying adoptive parents can't do a good job but it was a brutal system which mothers often regretted all their lives. I was just reading todaty's Telegraph which has a story about the veiled Somali lady who was married at 14, lives here and has just been sentenced for having a child conceived by her lover aborted at 7 months. She can't read or speak English and won't say who did the illegal abortion. That kind of shame of having a child who isn't your husband's has gone from for most people in UK but sadly not in all cultures.