Is six children too many ?

[mozhe]

Someone,( a colleague..but I do not know them well ), just stopped me in the corridor at work...noticing I was pregnant they asked me if it was my first, when I told them ,' no, it's my 6th '...they said,' six is too many ', and strod off....Is six too many ?

Think Harry Hill

I've had people say to me that it's impossible to meet the needs of 9 children. I think they are wrong as we are meeting the needs of our children. I prefer to be there for my children and so sahm. Others might prefer to delegate to others various aspects of being a parent. They may believe/know that the people they delegate to will do a far better job than they can. Perhaps people like Xenia are a whizz at their paid employment but would make abysmal sahm. Perhaps the nanny is the best 'mother' for Mohze children. From what I've read the nannies have been with them since the first child - they are for all intents and purposes the sahp for those children. If the children have that security then I don't see that they will suffer long term. However, it's just not something I could do and it really doesn't feel right to me. I do think that if a couple have a child then one parent should take the decision to be there for that child particularly in the first few years.
I worked full-time with my first 2 children and I missed them. I went part-time with my 3rd and felt I was a part-time mum and not putting my best efforts into my paid work. I didn't feel I was doing either of them very well. So when I had my 4th I made the decision to make my children my work at least until they got older. Another 5 children followed. Several miscarriages also made these children even more precious to me and I wanted to spend time with them while they still needed me. They become independant soon enough. I've watched them grow over the years and it has enriched my life in a way that no amount of high earnings ever could. I hope that my being there for them will enrich their lives for the times when I am gone. Money (though I doubt I'll have any left ) will just go back into a bank somewhere.

Good post, Pagwatch.

My 5 have hugely enriched my life. There is more similarity between working and non working mothers than between non-parents and parents.

cant catch up with all the new messages but i did love xenia's comment-

'whereas if you worked at McDonald's say you're more likely when it comes to deciding who stays home that if you're not in much of a job, never went to university etc you'll stay at home. That's all.'

my dp went to university,got a degree,and ended up working in mcdonalds for a few months

what gets me about these threads is the attitude that everybody is a WOHM or a SAHM through choice.i wouldnt want to work and put my 11 week old in a nursery,but even if i did,i doubt i'd be able to find a job in the area where i live that would pay enough to justify me working.i would like to work when my lo's are a bit older,but in order to do that i will have to go to college or something and re-train.not everybody can just walk into a job.

oh and macdoodle-i assume your one of those people who thinks that everybody who's on benefits has chosen to be as they are too lazy to work,they just want to sit around reproducing and sponging?

Xenia 'thick' is what you called it not 'whatever you want to call it'
i have not used that word since the school yard

"intellectually challenged' wtf???

get with it - i thought you had teenagers? if i spoke about certain social groups with e sweeping generalisations that you employ - my teenagers would be aghast

there was an interesting article in one of the broadsheets recently about that high flier in the city who has just had her 8th, the article was quite critical it made the point htat many high achievers now feel that a big family is necessary as a sign of achieving / ability to cope / multitask etc. It is also a sign of how successful you are as obviously you must be doing so well to afford all those school fees, big house , nannies etc. I couldn't possibly work fulltime and balance the needs of my 2 children let alone any more. Personnally i do agree to some extent with xenia's views on working mothers , and i am trying hard to show my girls that being a mummy and having a job is good ,not just for mummy but for society in general, as i contribute in a positive way, but a balance has to be achieved, and as is often shown in documentaries and articles if you ask the children what they want " a high flying mumy and lots of perks that the money brings" or mummy at home more ....mummy at home more wins most times.

What's wrong with saying some people are thick? Or even fat? It's not a particularly nasty word, surely? I'm sure I'm thick compared to lots of people I know.

In fact a group of business men from the service sector wrote to the FT or Times this week to protest about new dictionary words using Mc - McJob etc to say how important the service sector is to the UK.

I agree with you there xenia, I suspect that I might be the only one though.

No kitty. Xenia, I like your posts and agree with most of your points, and Im a SAHM. Like you said about divorce being a bigger issue for you than other issues, I think for me (corny as it sounds), since becoming a mum, Ive got more in common than any WOHM/SAHM, than I`ve got with a childless woman.

As a SAHM, I sometimes do get suprised that some SAHMs on here take comments to heart, but then I donT know the background of the comment(i.e whether or not the SAHM has been offended by the same person in another thread etc). Im very comfortable in my own skin as a SAHM and at the same time I admire WOHMs. I have a postgrad degree, but I always wanted to cook, and garden and take care of my family as a SAHM. Kind of a romantic image. But I also live in the real world, so I have made sure I have some marketable skills in case everything goes to pot through divorce or whatever. I do believe its important that women set out in life to work. My grandmother and mother both worked full time and Im teaching my daughter this too i.e you cant rely on a man.
But as a feminist, I also feel that as a SAHM I give real value to women`s "traditional" skills like baby and childcare (obv), cooking and making and tending to a cozy home. I have met some SAHMs that really carry out this role with class, and I really admire these women.

As long as you can look in the mirror and know you are being true to yourself, and know that your choice to work or not to work outside the home really reflects what you want, then anything that others say about that choice is so insignificant.

with any WOHM/SAHM

Oh, and youre so right divastrop. A vast majority of women in this world would <span class="italic">love</span> to be a SAHM, but are forced to work for financial reasons. Then again there are others in the Middle East say, who are suffocating in the rigid role of wife and mother. We are all so lucky, arent we.

Interesting, mummydoc. As if the competitive nature of some women spills over into how many children they have

I haven't had the pleasure of meeting the OP or many of you before but I really felt like I needed to comment on this thread. I usually lurk on the friendly sleep threads. Anyway, some of you have objected to the OP's strong oppinions (on other threads) but whether you agree with them or not, to respond in such a personal manner insulting her parenting choices surely makes you as bad as her. Surely there are no right or wrong choices, it's what suits you and your family. We have no right to criticise others (obviously providing they're not harming their children). If we all did the same thing, were the same people wouldn't it be a boring world?

md, yes, I've seen those articles and I understand the feelings. Men can be the same too and like a large family, pretty wife, big car as sign of their wealth and traditionally of course the more children you had the better off you were as they'd work from age 8 and support you in old age, unless they were female in which case as is still common in india and China you try to kill them before or after birth with huge frequency.

A lot of people will say I'd love a 3rd but we can't afford it. When we moved here and I started to have quite a bit more spare money and a spare bed room we could have done things like a property abroad, a yacht, a very expensive car but babies were and are much more of a fun investment and more morally correct than a man (or rich woman) keeping an expensive secret mistress which is another use for spare money some wealthy people indulge in sadly.

gingerninja-if you feel that any of the posts on here go against the mn philosophy then report them,although i think the op is pretty capable of standing up for herself

OK, mozhe, I think you've got your answer. have as many kids as you want. Knock yourself out!

divastrop I know some people don't choose to be on benefits but choose to reporduce yes of course they do and if you can't support one then don't bloody have anymore I chose to stop at the number I was comfortable to support as I guess most working families do ??? Contraception is very effective nowadays I work hard to support my family and resent those who feel it is more important to stay at home with their 3,4,5 kids they shouldn't have had them should they??

Not sure that came out right don't resent thos staying at home if there partners can support them its when both partners can't be arsed to work but can obviously be arsed to reproduce and feel it is their right to be supported by the state ie the taxpayer!