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Original poster

Crazy ex husbands GF

129 replies

justamum1234 · 04/05/2018 18:07

I'm not sure really where to post this, but here's my dilemma anyway.
Divorced for at least 6 years and remarried. Ex husband also in long term relationship with GF. GF has always had problem with me. I think because me and ex have 2 DDs together. 10 & 12. Ex has always been the weak kind. Not assertive.
Anyway they are due to take dds to Kos in summer hols, but gf has said they need to cut their hair. My dds have told me they don't want their hair cut. They are trying to grow it. So I text ex husband to say not to cut their hair and I get the text below back from the gf. I think she has a screw loose. What does one do with this ?

"That's fine. In which case I will need to cancel the holiday. Ask them if they are sure about this. As when this was discussed before the deposit was paid they were fine with shoulder length hair to swim everyday. Let me know by tomorrow morning at the latest. Only the deposit will be lost."

OP posts:
QuoadUltra · 06/05/2018 07:10

I agree. She needs to be cut out of the loop.

Call ex and say that this has revealed an unacceptable level of controlling behaviour. It is not for her to dictate hair length or anything else. She should not text the girls directly with this stuff either.

SD1978 · 06/05/2018 07:18

Can you get it braided before they go? Or is that not good enough for the crazy one? Has she cancelled the holiday already or still just threatening?

LokiBear · 06/05/2018 07:29

I'd respond: if you feel you must cancel your holiday then go ahead. No one is going to force the girls to cut their hair when they do not want it cut. I will, However supply enough hair bobbles to ensure that they can tie it up to swim and support you and exdh in insisting that they do. They will both brush and style their own hair as they usually do, obviously. So, it's up to you.

The more rational you are, the crazier she will seem.

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ZenNudist · 06/05/2018 07:42

This is nuts. Dont let her do this to your poor dds. Talk to ex. See what his take on it is. Ask him to give a proper rational explanation. He wont be able to. Explain to your dds that they need to call her bluff. At the end of the day its a decision you all 3 make together if its a hill you are willing to die on. I would be really worried about leaving such a hateful person in charge of my dc generally but Shock on a weeks holiday.

Kidssendingmenuts · 06/05/2018 08:05

If my kids step mum or even actual Dad did this I'd say fine, cancel your holiday and I'd try book time off to take them myself. This is controlling behaviour, if you allow her to control this and get their hair cut she will start pushing boundaries and do other things too. I really wouldn't want my kids going on holiday with a bag of crazy like that!! X

40isnew50 · 06/05/2018 08:14

Let her cancel it. And keep your daughters at home with you. She is a nutter.

bonnyshide · 06/05/2018 08:25

If she gets her way this time, this is only the beginning of other strange and controlling requests.

You need to talk to exH on his own, ask him to phone you.

NorthernSpirit · 06/05/2018 09:39

I’m a DSM so speak from experience.

This is completely out of order on the GF side. No reason at all for her to be involved, she shouldn’t be communicating with you (your EH needs to stand up and get a pair of balls).

It’s completely out of order to tell you that your children need their hair cut. I have a 12 year old daughter and I woukd never undermine the mum and a 12 year old can decide for herself if she wants her hair cut. It’s got nothing to do with her.

To then threaten to cancel the holiday using it as blackmail to get her / their own way is completely out of order and cruel to the girls.

I’ve seen the other side of this - my OH’s EW used to use the children as weapons and threatened to pull a previously agreed holiday if my OH didn’t do something (which was also completely unreasonable and not in the best interests of the children). She did stop the holiday and my OH took her to court. The EW was investigated by social services, ordered to go on a parenting course and given a stern talking to by a judge. Children aren’t weapons you can use to get your own way. Terrible behaviour here. I hope the girls aren’t too upset. Just be honest with them, they’ll make up their own mind.

0ccamsRazor · 06/05/2018 10:05

It may be prudent to screen shot the gf text, email it to ex and ask wtf is going on.

This way you have a legal document for future use should you need it.

Do not communicate by phone or in person over this issue for the above reason.

frami · 06/05/2018 10:22

My DD recently qualified as swim teacher. She has waist length hair. She just ties it up for work. Does cost her a fortune in conditioners and shampoo though!

Fromage · 06/05/2018 11:22

Your ex is in an abusive relationship.

His gf never wanted your dds on holiday and this is her cuckoo way of making sure they stay home. Or yes, she's crazy, and she's using your children to get at you. Disgusting behaviour on her part.

RandomMess · 06/05/2018 13:08

I fo think it's a way to force you to stop/reduce contact and you get blamed for it.

Somehow you need to speak with your ex (whilst he's at work perhaps) I would actually be asking him if he's ok etc rather than going on the attack.

Original poster
justamum1234 · 08/05/2018 11:21

I'm going to wait to speak to exh have to face Friday when he collects them for the weekend. I've also made my dds delete her number from their phone although it m conscious she uses exh's phone

OP posts:
NotBanksy · 22/05/2018 17:43

Hi
How did it go? Hope all is well x

Original poster
justamum1234 · 23/05/2018 10:51

Not good tbh. When my ex husband collected the girls for contact last weekend I categorically made it clear not to cut their hair and any agreement from them would be a result of emotional blackmail. He didn't cut their hair but I heard him and his gf had a big fight that weekend. They have cats and now she's saying the cats could eat any hair that drops and get sick so they need it cut. Again I said no cutting hair but he called them to ask again if they will cut their hair.
I'll speak to him again on Sunday. I don't believe he will cut their hair- both girls have already said no.

I'm concerned that my children are around someone so unstable but at the same time if they want to see their dad they have to see her.

OP posts:
eggncress · 23/05/2018 11:07

It’s emotional blackmail and not good for your dds.It’s already causing them stress and anxiety... what about the longer term if he stays with this horrible manipulative crackpot ? Would have thought their dad would put his foot down with gf ( or get rid ). Surely his kids come first?
Could you report her to SS ( keep texts as evidence) and make it a condition they can only see their dad alone?
Let her cancel the holiday... I’d be worried about DD welfare being trapped in this woman’s care for the duration of a holiday. Maybe this is what she wants anyway... to be able to go away with him on her own.

eggncress · 23/05/2018 11:17

I think you should sit your girls down too and have a frank talk about what is likely going on here. Tell them they are being manipulated ( so is dad) They are old enough to understand. Hopefully they won’t want to go on holiday with this woman and might be able to get away somewhere with just their dad in future.

Original poster
justamum1234 · 23/05/2018 15:31

Thanks eggncress. I have sat down with them. My eldest won't allow them to cut her hair, but my 10 year old says she will to go on hols. I have told him I will report it to SS and I've kept all the messages.

OP posts:
MoggyP · 24/05/2018 08:02

I think this is tangential, but don't cats get hairballs from licking themselves whilst grooming? I don't think cats lick up human hair from surfaces.

So what on earth is she really thinking? Not that you can realistically expect to find out, unfortunately

senioritabonita · 24/05/2018 08:06

I wouldn’t want my dc leaving the country with someone who had so little regard for their opinion, happiness etc. Please discuss this with your dd and tell them where to sick their holiday.

helloBuddy · 24/05/2018 08:22

Completely bonkers this!! Can't they just tie their hair up? They are old enough to sort their own hair out after swimming, why does it bother her?

RandomMess · 24/05/2018 12:21

Cats can have issues with playing with ribbon, string, hair which can make them seriously ill.

However I should think with hair it's incredibly rare and completely OTT!!!

dueanotherchange · 24/05/2018 12:27

Cats encounter more danger from their OWN hair and fur balls.

This is a bonkers request. Well done OP.

Sparkletastic · 24/05/2018 12:48

Good gracious would it even be safe to allow them to go on holiday with this woman? She doesn't sound rational and I very much doubt she has your daughters' best interests at heart.

Fevertree · 24/05/2018 12:53

Report them to social services? That seems a bit OTT, op

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